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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28782429">Lost and Found: A Levi Ackerman Fanfiction</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calypso_Calypso/pseuds/Calypso_Calypso'>Calypso_Calypso</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Minor Original Character(s), Modern Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, Original Character(s), Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Manga Spoilers, Slow Burn, Titans, Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 07:47:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>55,005</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28782429</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calypso_Calypso/pseuds/Calypso_Calypso</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Following the fall of Wall Maria, Anfisa Morgane, a headstrong young Garrison Regiment troop, is faced with the harsh new reality within the walls after her sister is killed in Shiganshina. Driven by grief and rage, Anfisa is blinded by her need for revenge, with no regard for self preservation as she transfers to the Survey Corp for all the wrong reasons. Levi Ackerman is determined to help Anfisa heal, no matter the cost. In turn, Levi finds comfort in a time of loss and pain for the Survey Corp as the mystery of the titans beyond the walls unfolds.</p><p>Spoilers for seasons 1-3.</p><p>Enemies to Lovers angst/ Slow burn romance with Levi Ackerman/Captain Levi and Anfisa Morgane (OC)</p><p>Besides OC main character and supporting characters, credit goes to Attack on Titan creators.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Levi &amp; Original Female Character(s), Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader, Levi Ackerman &amp; Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Beginning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Updated on 2/2/2021</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>  Anfisa hung her legs off of the edge of Wall Maria, feeling the cool morning breeze blow through her hair and limbs, waking up her senses. On early mornings like this, she couldn't help but admire as the sun crawled up from the horizon, painting the sky in brilliant oranges, yellows, and pinks as the stars slowly faded out of sight. Anfisa didn't know much about art, but she knew the sun had to be the most talented painter of all. </p><p>  On this morning there were no titans in sight and no reason to fight for the Garrison Regiment, a sense of peace Anfisa feared she would grow to take for granted eventually. At age twenty, her years in the Garrison had been largely uneventful. Sure, every once in a while a few titans would get too close to the walls, but they were always easily taken down by Garrison veterans. In moments like this, the outside world didn't look to be as scary as Anfisa had always been conditioned to think. On the inner side of the wall, Shiganshina lay below Anfisa, bustling with life. From the top of the wall peering down below, it looked like what Anfisa had always imagined the inside tunnels of an ant colony looked like with intricate streets, busy markets, and countless people, busy with their own lives and thoughts. </p><p>  Anfisa had always thought that joining the Garrison and being able to walk on top of the walls that had confined her whole life would give her a new sense of freedom. In reality, looking at the small world below her inside the walls left her feeling like she was suffocating. Meanwhile, the other side of the wall remained a mystery to her, and she never got bored of her mornings looking into the unknown. </p><p>   It almost made Anfisa wish she had become a Scout instead. That way, maybe her world wouldn't feel so small. </p><p>  She had heard stories, of course. Her grandfather would always recite them to Anfisa when she was a child before bed.</p><p>
  <em>   "Beyond the wall, there are large oceans, filled with nothing but fish and salty water! Ancient civilizations would use large boats, bigger than our house, to trade with other civilizations!" Her Grandfather ruffled young Anfisa's hair as she stared up at him, her eyes filled with wonder and her head filled with questions.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>   "What is an ocean?" She asked in excitement. <br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>   "Oh, that is enough of that, Morgane! Leave the poor girl alone. Keep talkin like that and we'll all get in trouble!" Her grandmother scolded, Annoyance and worry written in the folds of her wrinkles, her skin worn with knowledge and  experience. <br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>    "Another time, I promise." Her grandfather whispered to her, winking when his wife was out of earshot, his eyes twinkling with the secrets of the world. </em>
</p><p>   Anfisa smiled at the memory. There never was another time- her grandfather had gone missing one day as Anfisa returned from school with her sister, and her grandmother refused to breathe a word of what had transpired as she sat at their small coffee table, tears streaming down her face as her grandfather's books burned in the fireplace. To this day, she didn't know what the ocean was or where to find it.</p><p>  "Anfisa! I knew I would find you here! Daydreaming again? I think I might have a better hangover cure than that." Lydia, Anfisa's older sister spoke as she sat down next to Anfisa, breaking her out of her trance. </p><p>  Anfisa groaned, rubbing her forehead as she looked up at her sister, her face and blonde hair golden in the sunlight as she grinned ear to ear with her all too perfect smile. As always, Lydia was simply radiant. She could take the breath away from anyone with just one glance, one laugh.</p><p>   "Please tell me that is black tea." </p><p>  "Two teaspoons of sugar, just the way you like it," She paused, a mischievous grin growing across her face. "...And a pastry from you know who! Sam wouldn't let me leave the bakery without promising I would hand deliver it to you, dear sister." Lydia teased, laughing.</p><p>   Anfisa groaned again and rolling her eyes, earning herself an even louder laugh from her sister. Sam had his eyes on Anfisa since before she could remember, but she could never see the burly baker's son as anything but a friend. She wouldn't turn down a free pastry, however. </p><p>  "Personally, I'd love to see you two get together. I mean, you? a baker's wife? No one in the Garrison would ever let you live that one down!" She poked her sister in the side playfully earning herself another groan.</p><p>   "Ha ha. Very funny." nonetheless, Anfisa took the pastry from her sister. </p><p>  "Speaking of the Garrison," Anfisa took a bite of her pastry, the butter melting in her mouth. "You have made a nasty habit of disappearing with Davina whenever we all go drinking together. Like last night, for example! I had to walk myself home, and I have the bruises to prove it." Anfisa teased her sister as a grin grew on her face, making Lydia blush deeply. </p><p>   "It's not like that." Lydia lied, but Anfisa could always see through her deceit. They were, after all, sisters.</p><p>   "Oh really now? You two seemed pretty cozy if I do say so myself."</p><p>    "Okay okay! fine. Anfisa...I think I'm in love with her. Actually this time. Not like when I thought I was in love with Jon."</p><p>   Anfisa raised an unconvinced eyebrow, chewing her food slowly as she pondered how to respond to her sister's declaration of love.</p><p>   "Well if Davina ever breaks your heart-"</p><p> "Look!" Her sister cut her off, pointing to a group on horseback riding towards the gate at top speed, green cloaks trailing behind, the Wings of Freedom flashing in the morning sunlight.</p><p>  "The Scouts! They must of arrived earlier than planned. We have to inform the gatekeep." </p><p>   With one glance at each other, Lydia and Anfisa jumped to their feet dutifully, racing each other down the wall with their ODM gear.</p><p>  A crowd had formed by the time Anfisa and Lydia made it down to the gates. Very rarely did anything noteworthy happen in Shiganshina, and the Scouts always inspired excitement and wonder whenever they came back from a mission. As Scouts passed through one by one, they were met by both cheers and snide comments from the people of Wall Maria.</p><p>  "A waste of my taxpayer money, you lot!" a man hollered angrily as a cart of injured passed by, Scouts covered in bandages, missing limbs, and some dead. Anfisa looked away from the sight, feeling her chest tighten. </p><p>  "Look," Lydia grabbed Anfisa's forearm, whispering in her ear. "That's Captain Levi. I've seen him at a meeting once with the Survey Corp. They call him 'Humanity's Strongest!'"</p><p>   Anfisa couldn't help but both admire and be scared of the man before her. With Raven hair and grey eyes, he was beautiful; but with his stoic expression on his face, he was equally terrifying.</p><p>  Anfisa just shrugged.</p><p>  "I thought he would be taller." She responded nonchalantly to her sister. Anfisa hated to admit it, but she had never felt such a sense of mystery and curiosity upon seeing someone like this before. Upon just one glance, this was a face she would never forget.</p><p> "Oh, come on! Even you have to admit he's handsome!" </p><p> That wouldn't be the last time she would see that face.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <b>The Fall of Wall Maria, 845</b>
</p><p>  Anfisa's eyes filled with terror as an armored titan burst through the wall, with another titan, taller than the wall, peaked over, a menacing, toothy grin plastered on its face. These were nothing like the mindless beasts she had learned about in her training cadet days. All Anfisa could do was stare at the trail of death and terror that followed as titans poured through the now destroyed wall Maria, the stench of death heavy in the air, and the screams...Anfisa would be haunted by those screams for the rest of her life. </p><p>  "Anfisa! Come on. We have to save as many refugees as we can!" Lydia yelled at Anfisa as she landed besides her on the rooftop, her eyes filled with fear and determination, replacing her usual easy going expression. </p><p><em>  Snap out of it! </em>Anfisa scolded herself. And yet, her feet felt heavy, unwilling to move as she was frozen in place.</p><p>  Below them, a child howled as her mother had been snatched up, eaten by a titan right before her eyes. Blood gushed from the corners of its mouth, half of the child's mother's body falling to the ground, eyes wide in horror forever frozen in time. </p><p>  Anfisa could no longer stand idly by. </p><p>  "I've got her! I'll met you back by the wall." Anfisa nodded to her sister before taking off, her ODM gear trained for the back of the titan, wind whipping her hair back and buzzing through her ears.</p><p>   Anfisa's bravery was short lived.</p><p>  As she landed on the shoulder of the titan, her body was paralyzed with fear. She had never seen a titan this up close to her. It's beady brown eyes locked onto her, its grin spreading wide as blood pooled at the edges of its mouth, its large yellow, rotting teeth like swords. She had never felt this small and insignificant in her life as its jaw snapped at her. Anfisa barely dogging its teeth, landing on a building nearby.</p><p>  "What the fuck are you doing? Save the girl. I'll kill this one." A Raven haired man shot past her with impressive speed, yelling angrily at her lack of action.</p><p>  Anfisa's eyes widened in recognition as he landed beside her. It was Captain Levi, Humanity's Strongest Solider. </p><p>  Nodding wordlessly, she took off, picking up the girl as she kicked and screamed in her arms before Anfisa could even process what had happened.</p><p>   "I promise, you're safe now," Anfisa attempted to comfort the crying girl, but even Anfisa didn't believe her own words. As titans crashed through the city below her, destroying homes and stealing lives, Anfisa knew Shiganshina had been lost.</p><p>   As Anfisa landed in front of Wall Rose, she was met with the familiar faces of her fellow Garrison troops. With death looming around the corner, she still found comfort in knowing that her friends were still alive, worse for wear but breathing nonetheless. As she stood beside her sister, Anfisa gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, despite the fear in both of their eyes as their gaze met. </p><p>   "We have been ordered to fall back immediately and close off Wall Rose." One of her comrades ordered. </p><p>   "You're fucking kidding, right? There's still so many people left!" Lydia yelled back, furrowing her brows in anger. Lydia had never been one to back down from a fight. Now that the survival of humanity was on the line, she was more determined than ever before to see her original orders to the end and save as many human lives as possible. Lydia was a solider, and she knew she would have to be prepared to die. </p><p>   "We have to protect those who we already saved. This... Wall Maria is officially a lost cause. Our job now is to fall back." He replied, anxious to fall back behind the safety that Wall Rose promised. </p><p>   Lydia grit her teeth. "Cowards!" And with that, she had taken off, landing on a nearby building.</p><p>   "Lydia! Stop!" Anfisa screamed, trailing behind her, desperate to save her sister from throwing her life away. Anfisa knew it was selfish, but Lydia was the only family she had left, and she would damned if she watched the life leave her eyes at the hands of a titan.</p><p>  "We can't save them all. It's impossible! We have to save ourselves! " Anfisa continued to plead, her heart beating like a war drum.</p><p>   Lydia looked into her younger sister's eyes, speaking with a calm determination as the fear in her eyes disappeared. "We can try. Are you with me or not?"</p><p>   At first, Anfisa stared back at her sister in disbelief, eyes wide. Finally, she nodded silently. Lydia was stubborn, and would never stand down from what she believed was right. As titans poured through the gates of Wall Maria, Anfisa knew time was ticking, and she refused to live her last moments without her sister by her side. If Lydia was to die in battle, Anfisa would follow her to the very end. </p><p>  Lydia gave her sister a brave, approving look. "There's people stuck in that building," Lydia spoke, taking off in the direction of screams of terror and straight towards Anfisa's best understanding of hell. </p><p>  As Lydia and Anfisa worked to save refugees, Anfisa's whole world came down crumbling as time came to a stop. As Lydia took off in efforts to save as many people as she could, she was snatched out of the air as a titan grabbed her ODM wire. Anfisa stood in shock, as she watched her sister come crashing to the ground, her body hitting the ground with a sickening thud as Lydia called out to her sister, her eyes wide in shock as the light left them. It had been the very light that had taken care of Anfisa after the death of both of their grandparents, the very light that had taught Anfisa everything she knew about being human.</p><p> Before Anfisa even had time to react, the titan picked her lifeless body from the ground, biting down with a deafening crunch, her blood flying through the air, nothing left of her sister but her arm falling to the ground. </p><p>  Anfisa would never be able to forget that awful sound. </p><p>  She landed to where her sister's arm lay, holding onto her lifeless, cold hand as the ground had been stained red with her blood, soaking through Anfisa's closing and staining her hands. Her hands were delicate, despite the callouses on her palm from years of hard work and training. Anfisa own hand shook uncontrollably as she removed the ring her sister had always worn of her finger, rubbing a thumb over the small green gemstone, bringing it up to her lips and giving it a shaky kiss as tears formed in her eyes and sobs built in the back of her throat.</p><p>  At first, Anfisa couldn't move a muscle. Everything hurt- her mind, body, and soul. She felt as if her heart had been ripped out of her chest, leaving nothing but a gapping hole in her body. In that moment, she was untethered to the world and its worldly concerns, everything fading away into dull, white noise. </p><p> Then, pure blind hatred and rage took over her entire body.</p><p> "Lydia!!" Anfisa screamed in desperation, as if screaming would bring her back to life. She screamed over and over as smashed her fist to the ground repeatedly, destroying the inside of her throat until she couldn't even manage a whisper. She didn't care if it attracted titans- if anything she wanted a fight. </p><p>   Anfisa couldn't think, but her body acted for her. Shooting off the ground where she had watched her sister's murder she landed on the titan's neck. This had been the titan that had stolen her sister's last breath of life, and Anfisa wanted nothing more than revenge. Anfisa screamed as she continued to slash and cut across its grotesque body, saving the killing blow to the neck for the end. She wanted it to suffer like Anfisa did, feel the pain she felt as she savored the kill. Finally, she cut through the nape like she had practiced countless of times in combat practice, a skill she never thought she would have to use for her own survival. </p><p> She landed on the ground below her as the titan fell to the ground, steam blowing into the sky around her as the titan's blood evaporated from her skin, leaving behind nothing but the stains of her sister's blood on her clothing and face. She was no longer afraid of titans, nor death. She had just lost her entire world.</p><p> Before she could even process what she was doing, Anfisa was already onto her next titan throwing herself at the mercy of death. Her body worked like a machine, slashing and cutting down two more titans in the same violent manner, aiming to inflict as much pain as possible before granting them the peace of death. Anfisa was driven by blood lust and revenge, refusing to slow down for even a second. </p><p>   "Fucking coward! You could have saved her!" She screamed at herself as she landed in an alleyway, gasping for air as her whole body trembling in exhaustion and anger. Lydia's death had been her fault, and she would now pay the price herself for being weak while her sister kept fighting. She found herself completely surrounded, with titans closing in on all sides, their jaws wide open and their eyes filled with the excitement of the hunt. </p><p><em>   So be it, </em>She thought bitterly to herself as she took off towards her next target. If this was to be her last fight, she would make sure she fought to the very end.</p><p> Before she could land on the titan, the air was knocked out of her as she was tackled onto the rooftop of a nearby building, the roof tiles cracking beneath her into shards under the weight of the crash.</p><p>   "Are you fucking insane? Are you trying to get yourself killed? Follow your orders to fall back!" Captain Levi yelled inches away her face, his brows furrowed in anger and annoyance.</p><p>  "Get the hell off me!!" Anfisa yelled back in anger, pushing the man off of her as her blood boiled. </p><p>   Getting back on her feet, Anfisa couldn't help but feel nothing but hatred as she stared into the eyes of the man her sister had praised just a day prior. Despite his stature, he was lethal like a poison, taking down titans as if it had been nothing.</p><p>  "Don't get in my way again. I could of killed it!" She spit her words out like venom, narrowing her eyes. She had no mercy or goodwill for anyone who would keep her from what she had decided was her final destiny, any sense of self-preservation she had earlier evaporating from her body, leaving nothing but a vengeful ghost of who she had been just yesterday. If her sister was to die on the battle field, she refused to leave her side. </p><p> "You would of died!" Levi yelled back, his own blood now boiling at the blatant disrespect for his orders. The last thing he needed was to worry about the life of a stranger in the Garrison when he had his own soldiers to worry about. </p><p> "It would of been my choice." Anfisa spoke firmly, her eyes ablaze.</p><p>  "Then you leave me no choice."</p><p>  In one fell swoop, Levi knocked Anfisa out cold with the butt of his sword before she had time to react, her world going black. </p>
<hr/><p><em>  It was all just a bad dream</em>, Anfisa thought to herself as she woke up in a bed, her head pounding painfully. She squinted in confusion, not recognizing the sheets that covered her body.</p><p> <em>Where am I?</em></p><p>  When she heard a blood curdling scream from one of her fellow soldiers in the medical cot beside her, Anfisa's blood ran cold as reality came crushing down, stealing the air from her lungs. She was in an infirmary, surrounded by the dead and injured. As she turned to her side, she stared straight at the cold dead eyes of a Garrison veteran, his face blue as his eyes protruded from their sockets, his mouth and teeth stained in his own blood. Anfisa reached out a trembling hand, her fingers grazing over his eyelids, closing them so he could finally rest. </p><p>
  <em>Lydia. </em>
</p><p> Anfisa couldn't breathe as images of her dead sister drowned her mind with the force of a flood. She looked down, her trembling hands stained red in her sister's blood. Anfisa leaned over the edge of the cot, vomiting onto the floor at the sight as tears grew in her eyes. </p><p>Lydia was dead.</p><p> Anfisa shot up into sitting position, determined to get back on her feet. sharp pain shot up her entire body, but she didn't seem to care. A nurse grabbed her arm attempting to pull her back down.</p><p> "Miss! you have three broken ribs and a severe concussion! You need to rest!" </p><p> "Fuck off," Anfisa shook her off, making her way to the door, still operating off of nothing but rage.</p><p> Anfisa made her way to the mess hall, where she was met with faces of pity and worry. Her friends were beaten down, each with an injury of their own to prove it. However, in that moment Anfisa felt no pity for them, just anger and betrayal. </p><p> "Anfisa, I am so sorry for your loss-"</p><p>  "I don't want to fucking hear it! You all saw her take off and none of you tried to stop her. And now she's dead! " Anfisa yelled, her face growing red in rage. "I need her, not your fucking sympathy!" Her throat was raw, but she kept yelling as tears streamed down her face, washing away the bloody finger prints left from Anfisa's hands.</p><p> Two strong hands snaked up behind her, restraining her. Anfisa turned, coming face to face with Davina, the woman her sister had come to love.</p><p> Anfisa let out an animalistic sob, burying her face in Davina's shoulder. Her whole body was shaking as she let out racking sobs, each as painful as the next.</p><p> "I'm so sorry I couldn't save her." Anfisa spoke in between sobs, too ashamed to look her sister's lover in the eyes.</p><p>  In response, Davina tightened her arms around Anfisa, now crying as well. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Goodbyes and Well-wishers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Edited 2/3/21</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> Anfisa sat in Lydia's favorite bar, surrounded by her friends and comrades with Davina next to her. After visiting this bar for years, this night was different however, grief heavy in the air. As Anfisa looked at her friends, it seemed like they had aged years in a matter of days. Their faces were sullen, sunken in with sorrow. None of them had slept for days. Even if Anfisa had tried to sleep, all she could hear were the screams of agony from the refugees, her sister calling out to her as she died. </p><p> Despite everything they had lost, they still had their memories. Anfisa would be damned if the memories of her sister and fallen friends would go unsung.  </p><p>  "Anfisa, remember when you lost a bet to Marcus so you and Lydia had to go streaking down the practice field while the Garrison veterans were training?" One of her friends, Liam, laughed loudly as he recounted the story. To an outsider, his tears  could of been confused as humorous ones as he laughed. His eyes however told a different story, red and puffy with pain and loss.</p><p>  Anfisa laughed bitter-sweetly for the first time in days. It had felt like she had been holding her breath underwater for far too long and finally could surface from her grief, if only for one gasp of air.</p><p>  "Of course I remember! Rico still refuses to look me in the eye. You all won't give me a chance in hell to forget!" Anfisa responded, humor and pain written on her face as she remembered that day.</p><p>  In truth, the lost bet only stipulated Anfisa had to streak down the field. Anfisa was so horrified by the thought, Lydia had volunteered her credibility with the veterans up, offering to do the deed with her younger sister. She was always brave in the face of anything, from danger to humiliation, even then.</p><p>  Anfisa raised her glass to the ceiling, resolve overcoming her, her sister's laughter from a past memory ringing in her ear.</p><p> "To Lydia, the most brave and selfless troop the Garrison has ever seen, stubborn to the very end!" Anfisa announced. Her friends cheered in response, raising their glasses as Anfisa began chugging her bottle of whiskey, her head growing foggy and numb just the way she liked it.</p><p> After she finished, Anfisa turned to Davina who had been sitting next to her, taking her warm hand into hers. Davina's usual large brown eyes were dim and puffy, her usual commanding presence now meek. Anfisa had always been friendly with the girl, but never had she been close despite training together for years. nonetheless, she knew exactly how the emptiness in Davina's eyes felt, like wandering in a cave alone in search of light or any sign of a way out. </p><p> They had both lost Lydia, and both of their worlds had grown dimmer, less colorful than ever before. Lydia had been like the sun, and now the sky was painfully empty. </p><p> "Davina, Lydia would of wanted you to know she was completely in love with you. The way she would speak about you...well. She had never been that in love with anyone. It was true." Anfisa spoke quietly her words slurring in her drunken confession, giving Davina's hand a squeeze. </p><p>  Davina smiled sweetly, as tears began to grow in her eyes. Anfisa knew she could never bring Lydia back. She felt helpless and lost, but at the very least she could be compassionate to the woman Lydia had loved. </p><p> Anfisa couldn't fathom the thought of living the rest of her life without her sister. Looking into Davina's eyes and broken spirit, it became real. </p><p>"Thank you, Anfisa. I needed to hear that."</p><p> The pair went back to drinking and celebrating the lives of their lost friends with the rest of their group as two figures had made their way over to Anfisa's table.</p><p> Anfisa looked up, immediately recognizing Captain Levi and the newly titled Commander Erwin. Suddenly, the back of her head that made contact with the butt of Levi's sword started to thob in pain again, impossible to ignore as Captain Levi made his unwelcomed presence known.</p><p> "What the hell do you two want?" Anfisa questioned bitterly as her words slurred. One of her friends gasped in surprise of the blatant act of disrespect, but she ignored it. She refused to show any curtesy to the man who didn't let her stay on that battlefield. She was prepared to die on her own terms, and she felt robbed. </p><p>  "I knew this was pointless." Captain Levi spoke, disgust in his eyes as he raised an unimpressed eyebrow. If looks could kill, Anfisa would be murdered in cold blood. </p><p>  Ignoring Anfisa's behavior, Commander Erwin addressed her calmly. </p><p>  "Ms. Morgane, correct? May we speak to you privately?" As always, Commander Erwin was the picture of order, a voice of reason even in times like this. </p><p>   Anfisa just shrugged.</p><p>  "Lead the way."</p><p>   Once seated at a quieter table, Erwin placed a folder of documents on the table.</p><p>  "This report from the Garrison says you killed three titans on your own when Wall Maria fell. that's quite impressive for someone of your age."</p><p>  "Why the hell should I care?"</p><p>  "Keep speaking like that brat and-" Levi started, anger glowing in his eyes.</p><p>   "Captain Levi." Commander Erwin cut him off, raising an eyebrow at his enraged friend. "We would like you to join the Scouts." Erwin announced, his face empty of any emotion. </p><p>   Anfisa couldn't help but burst out laughing loudly. She stopped abruptly after seeing the looks on their faces.</p><p>  "Oh, shit. That wasn't a joke?"</p><p>  "I believe your skills are wasted here in the Garrison." Erwin spoke.</p><p>  Anfisa felt anger grow in the pit of her stomach, blooming across her entire body, poisoning her judgment and reason.</p><p>"Look at them," she pointed to her friends. "They are all grieving their lost friends because your Scouts couldn't do their damn job and actually track the Colossal and Armored titans coming our way, and here you are asking me to join you? Don't ever come near me again, especially you, short bastard." Anfisa shot Levi a look with a fire of anger in her eyes, leaving without looking back as she rejoined her friends as if nothing had happened. </p><p>  "...That could of gone better." Erwin spoke, unphased.</p><p>  "Tch," was all Levi responded with. He wasn't going to pretend to be impressed with a Garrison solider who couldn't even follow orders.</p><hr/><p>  As Anfisa stumbled through the bar doors like she had for over a hundred times before, a deep sense of loneliness overcome her. Usually, she had her sister holding her up, laughing as Anfisa would wobble home.</p><p><em>  You think you would learn your lesson by now</em>, Lydia would joke as she wrapped an arm around Anfisa's shoulders, practically carrying her home in her arms.</p><p>  Now, the alley was quiet. The walls would never hear Lydia's laughter again. </p><p>  As Anfisa turned the corner stumbling a bit, she was met by a figure emerging from the shadows as rats scurried through the alley. </p><p>  "Morgane," The shadow spoke, stepping into the light. It was Captain Levi.</p><p>  "Why the hell are you following me? I told you to stay away from me!"</p><p>  "Trust me, I don't enjoy having to speak with you either," Levi shot back, matching her disdain. "But the Scouts need recruits desperately, and Erwin is set on you being one of them."</p><p>  "Wow, you really know how to sell it don't you?" She spoke sarcastically. Even in the dark, Levi could tell she was rolling her eyes.</p><p>  "You're angry, and I understand. You're upset about everyone you lost. Trust me, I know what that's like. So how about instead of drinking the rest of your life away you actually do something about your anger?" </p><p>  "You know <em>nothing</em> of what I have lost."Anfisa spoke coldly. She refused to be lectured by a man, much less the likes of Captain Levi.</p><p>  "I know more of loss than you think." Levi responded in a calm fury.</p><p>  They stood there in silence, staring each other down in the dark.</p><p>  "We leave tomorrow afternoon. Come find us if you change your mind."</p><p>  And with that, Captain Levi disappeared back into the shadows of the night.</p><p>  The <em>nerve </em>of that man. </p><hr/><p>  Waking up the next morning in the room Anfisa had shared with her sister for years was entirely too painful. She had barely slept at all, battling with the screams and terror that made her blood run cold. Finally, after hours of fighting sleep, she lost the battle, passing out from pure exhaustion. The walls of their shared space had known years of laughter, tears, joy, and arguments. Now, all they knew was silence. As Anfisa looked over to her sister's empty bed, She felt invasive. She knew she could no longer call this room her home. Lydia was her home, and now she was gone.</p><p>  Levi's words echoed in Anfisa's head.</p><p>
  <em>  Come find us if you change your mind.</em>
</p><p>  Sitting up, Anfisa started packing, her hands shaking, not even taking a second to think over the life decision she would never be able to take back. Lately, her body and instinct controlled her actions, her heart and mind silenced. She couldn't stay here, not like this.</p><p>  As she packed the few things she owned, a silver sparkle caught her eye. she walked over to her sister's dresser, picking up a  thin silver chain that Lydia received when their grandmother died. Before Anfisa could give it a second thought, she strung Lydia's ring that Anfisa had removed from her dead hand onto the chain.</p><p><em>  Now I can keep a piece of you near my heart</em>, She thought, staring at the necklace before tucking it under her shirt.</p><p>  Anfisa looked up into the mirror. She had spent years wishing she looked more like her older sister. Lydia was the epitome of radiant beauty, with bright golden eyes and bouncy blonde curls to match. Lydia had a smile that could make anyone fall in love after just one glance. Hell, many did. Anfisa on the other hand, could never seem to learn how to take care of her own brown waves, a short crown of perpetual frizz on her head. She always envied the way her sister carried herself, but now it all seemed so pointless.</p><p> Anfisa and Lydia had spent numerous hours in front of that mirror getting ready together, fussing over each other and arguing over their small shared space. Now, her reflection stood alone.</p><p>  Anfisa reached over for Lydia's journal that laid on the dresser, a pencil tucked into the most recent entry dated the day before the fall of Maria. She had never dared reading it earlier, but as she flipped to the most recent entry she couldn't help but smile softly. It was a love letter for Davina, one that Lydia never got the chance to give her. Ripping the page out of the worn book, Anfisa folded it up and placed it in her breast pocket.</p><p> Slipping her pack onto her back, she made her way down the hallway knocking on the fifth door down, Davina's room.</p><p> "Anfisa? What are you doing up so early? I thought I wasn't going to see you until the memorial service." Davina spoke with a yawn, perplexed as she let Anfisa into her room. </p><p>  "I...I won't be at the memorial service. I'm leaving. I cannot stay here, Davina. I'm joining the Survey Corp. There is nothing you can say to change my mind, I'm making a decison for myself for once." Anfisa spoke, surprised at her own words. Even Anfisa hadn't admitted it to herself yet. She dropped her gaze to her feet and floorboards, unsure of how Davina would react.</p><p>  "Lydia would be proud of you." Davina gave her a reassuring smile, squeezing Anfisa's shoulder. Anfisa could tell Davina hadn't been sleeping either, her eyes sinking into her head. Despite this, she still remained beautiful and kind-hearted, exactly what Lydia had needed to finally settle down. While Anfisa had always question her sister's taste in romantic partners, there was no denying Davina was nothing short of perfection. </p><p>  "She refused to go down with a fight. I figured... I figured this was the best way I could honor her memory." Anfisa gulped, trying to keep her composure. If her sister had died on the battlefield, Anfisa would make sure her death was not in vain. That would be her last gift to her. </p><p>  "She also wrote you this. I want you to have it. So you can remember." Anfisa unfolded the love letter, her hand shaking as she gave it to Davina. </p><p>  At first, Davina took the letter with a look of confusion on her tired face. Suddenly, tears spilled onto Davina's face as she realized what it was, Her eyes grazing over the tender words of admiration, love, and hope for a future together.</p><p> "Thank you, Anfisa." She spoke, quickly wiping away her tears, a grateful smile forming on her lips.</p><p>  Anfisa just smiled in response, fighting back her own urge to cry. Anfisa was the one here saying goodbye, so she had to be strong and sure in her decision. There would be no looking back, no chance to regret her choice to leave the Garrison.</p><p>  "If you're leaving, I would like you to have something as well." Davina walked over to her neat desk under her window, reaching for a sheet of paper.</p><p>  As she handed the paper to Anfisa, Anfisa's eyes grew wide as she saw the sketch Davina had drawn of Lydia. It was beautiful, thin lines and shading capturing the very essence of her sister's soul. Lydia had a goofy smile on her face, her eyes bright with joy and amusement, forever frozen in time with charcoal. </p><p> This is how Anfisa would always remember Lydia. </p><p> "After she died, I couldn't stop drawing her. I... I was scared I would start to forget what she looked like so-" Before she could finish her sentence Anfisa drew Davina into a tight hug, her heart racing.</p><p> "Stay safe, Anfisa. Promise to come visit. You're...after everything you're family." Davina spoke once they parted, giving her forearm a reassuring squeeze.</p><p> Aggressively wiping away the tears that had formed in her eyes, Anfisa gave Davina one last tight smile before leaving, parting ways for years to come.</p><p> "I will. I promise."</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Beyond the Walls</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>  As Anfisa stood in her new room in front of her new mirror, she could hardly recognize herself. Her usual green eyes were dull and completely lifeless, her usually wavy brown hair resembled a bird's nest. She couldn't remember the last time she brushed it or even showered. Her habitually tidy room was littered with glass bottles, and it seemed like there wasn't a second in the day in which she wasn't hungover, the pounding in her head served as a painful reminder of her weakness. She couldn't bring herself to take care of herself, much less follow through with her duties as the newest Survey Corp recruit. She had slept through her morning practice yet again,  but she didn't seem to care. As she looked at her reflection in the mirror, she couldn't of been more of a stranger to herself, a ghost of her past self. </p><p> Her Garrison cloak had been replaced, her roses now Wings of Freedom. It had almost been painful to take off her Garrison cloak, as if she was stripping away years of memories and hiding them away. She knew it was silly, but she couldn't help but feel a stinging in her chest and her shoulders grew heavy as she folded away her old cloak into the chest at the end of her bed with the few items she had taken from her past life. The fabric of that worn cloak practically had souvenirs of reminiscence sewn into it. </p><p>
  <em> Who the hell am I fooling? </em>
</p><p>  It had been a little over a week and she had yet to make any acquittances. She had yet to do much on anything, in fact. The Scouts had been bonded for years through the blood of their friends. They had loved and lost as a family, an unbreakable bond like no other. They depended on one another to survive, and as a result knew each other like they knew their own palm. Anfisa was a stranger, and peering into their world felt like she was trespassing into a world she simply didn't belong to. Anfisa had her own family in the Garrison, and she couldn't help but feel as if she had abandoned them for her own selfish escapism. </p><p> Yet again, she had ran from a fight when things got too difficult for her to handle. </p><p>  As Anfisa stepped into the mess hall, she couldn't help but be surprised by how lively it was. Scouts ate, drank, and joked with one another, despite their dwindling numbers. Anfisa had no clue how so many of them could continue to find moments of joy despite everything, and she envied it. She had felt hollow for days, a husk at best. She was in no shape to fight for others, much less herself. And yet, the scouts kept going.</p><p>Anfisa sat down with her own food. If there was one thing that tasted like home, it was the gruel that passed for food in both the Garrison and the Survey Corp. Anfisa stared at her food, picking at it occasionally. She knew she had to eat, but she couldn't stomach another second in the mess hall. She needed fresh air. </p><p> When she stepped out of the barracks, she felt as if a weight had been lifted from her chest and she could finally breath again. Everything was quiet, besides the sound of birds chirping and the wind swaying the trees with a soft rustle. Even her mind was quiet, the thoughts that had been racing through her head for the past week pausing in a rare moment of peace. She sighed, releasing the tension that had been building in her body. </p><p> Mindlessly, she explored around the barracks making her way deep into the forest, sunlight filtering through the trees to illuminate her way in faint golden light. Besides the small animals that scurried in the undergrowth of the forest, she was truly completely alone. And yet, she didn't feel lonely for the first time all week. She had always felt a sense of tranquility when she was in nature, something that was harder and harder to come by within the walls as the population grew in limited space. </p><p> As she came across a small river, Anfisa blinked. She couldn't remember the last time she heard the distinct babbling of running water, much less swam. </p><p>
  <em>Fuck it.</em>
</p><p> Without a second thought, Anfisa stripped off her clothes, discarding her clothing off the side of the river in a hurry, a faint grin growing on her face. As she stepped into the cool water, her reflection looked back at her, breaking and rippling as Anfisa dived in. With her entire body submerged underwater, Anfisa felt as if she could stay down there in the cold depths forever. She could finally think clearly, her mind and body relaxing as the weak current gently carried her body. Anfisa didn't fight it, finding a sense of security in her lack of control. </p><p>"...You would rather befriend fish than any of the Scouts, huh?" A voice spoke as Anfisa finally broke to the surface, a pair of boots inches from her face. </p><p>Anfisa looked up, her eyes meeting her intruder's. She was graceful, slender and tall, her hair styled in a blonde undercut that highlighted her sharp features.</p><p>"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you. Looks like you've found my secret smoke spot. I'm Nanaba."</p><p>"You're on Mike's squad," Anfisa spoke awkwardly, wrapping herself in her cloak as she stepped out of the river, her feet sinking in the soft mud under foot. </p><p>"...And you're the new recruit everyone's been talking about. Word is Commander Erwin personally insisted you join the Scouts after Wall Maria fell. You must be flattered," She mumbled as she lit the cigarette in her mouth, a puff of smoke leaving her nose as she exhaled. "Want one?" She gestured with a raise of her eyebrows. </p><p>  Silently, Anfisa sat down next to her, hesitating as she took the cigarette from her Nanaba's hand. Anfisa was surprised by her act of kindness. Not only were cigarettes extremely expensive and hard to come by, but Anfisa was stunned that someone was willing to share, especially with her. She had only ever smoked one a few times in her years in the Garrison, and she never quite developed the taste for it. If she had to pick her poison she would gladly settle for the cheaper of mindless delights, whiskey. Nonetheless, she took a drag from the cigarette, coughing as the bitter smoke filled her lungs and chest. The bitterness reminded Anfisa of blurry nights with sister- despite the chaos of those memories, the buzz in her mind was relaxing.</p><p>  "Thank you. I'm Anfisa. Anfisa Morgane." She spoke in between coughs.  </p><p> "Morgane, huh? You wouldn't happen to be related to Lydia Morgane?" Nanaba's eyes lit up with amusement as she reached for another cigarette from her shirt pocket, lighting it with a match. </p><p> "She's my older sister." Anfisa didn't elaborate as her heart raced, looking down back at the river in order to conceal any emotion on her face. She hadn't cried in days, growing numb with pain- a numbness she whole heartedly invited. Not feeling anything seemed like her only chance at sanity. She would be damned if she lost her composure now, in front of someone she had just met, someone who was willing to show her kindness without pity attached to it. Anfisa refused to be pitied for a loss she could of prevented if she had moved faster, been stronger, had been willing to put her own life on the line. Lydia had been willing to die to protect strangers, a bravery Anfisa envied with her whole being. </p><p> "You don't say! I trained with her in the cadet corp. Such a rascal," Nanaba chuckled, shaking her head humorously. "How is she now?"</p><p>  Anfisa didn't what overcame her. Perhaps it was the desire to be rid of her secret, or maybe she needed to say the words out loud to make them feel real. </p><p> "She..She died when Wall Maria fell." Anfisa swallowed as she put her cigarette between her lips, standing up to pull on her clothes in order to avoid looking at Nanaba as an uncomfortable, thick silence filled the air. </p><p> "I'm so sorry." Nanaba's face fell, speaking softly. Anfisa sat back down, wringing the water out of her hair, her fingers anxious to do something. Nanaba leaned over, putting out the cigarette butt on a rock stained from years of ash.</p><p> "It's why I transferred. I guess...I guess it was my way of running away from my problems." Anfisa chuckled quietly to herself, staring into the reflection of an imposter in the river water.</p><p> "You're not running away. If anything, you're still fighting." Nanaba spoke softly. Nanaba had never been very close with Lydia Morgane, but she couldn't deny she was disheartened to hear about the death of yet another member of her cadet class which grew smaller every year. </p><p> They sat in sullen silence, both now staring into the water as they reflected on those that they had both loved and lost. Finally, Anfisa spoke as she asked the question that was burning in her mind.</p><p> "How do you do it? Does it ever get easier?" Anfisa's voice cracked as she anxiously started pulling out the grass from the ground, still looking down. When she finally looked up, Nanaba's face was calm, but her eyes were filled with pain. </p><p> "It never does. I guess... I guess you have to keep going, keep fighting so the sacrifice of the one's we lose are not in vain." Nanaba blinked back her own tears. It was ironic, really. Nanaba was never the one to seek out comfort, and yet here she was sharing  advice on loss. These were the unspoken conversations among the Survey Corp.</p><p> Anfisa nodded silently at her answer.</p><p> "..As long as you keep going forward, you do right by Lydia. That's all that matters." Nanaba gave Anfisa's hand a reassuring squeeze, repeating the words that Nanaba had told herself over and over and over again- after a failed mission, during practice, and late at night when she couldn't sleep. Nanaba was no stranger to death. She was a stranger, however, to dealing with the pain properly.</p><p>  Anfisa could of course see the wisdom in Nanaba's words. The Survey Corp had seen the truest depictions of hell known to mankind within the walls, and yet they kept fighting for the sake of humanity many had already written off as a lost cause. It would have been selfish of Anfisa to assume otherwise, regret overcoming Anfisa as she remembered her harsh words to Captain Levi outside of the bar. She was so blind by her rage, she couldn't recognize anyone's suffering but her own. </p><p> As Anfisa walked down the dimly lit wooden halls of the barracks after returning from the river, puddles forming with every step she took, Captain Levi was walking in her direction. As usual, there was a stoic, bored expression ever-present on his face. </p><p> "Captain I wanted to apologize-" Anfisa began, ready to make amends.</p><p> "Your soaking."</p><p> "Yes, I-"</p><p> "Disgusting. Go clean up before you try talking to me again." Levi cut her off again, his voice as cold as the look in his eyes as he stepped around her as if she was contagious, walking towards Commander Erwin's office. </p><p>  Anfisa blinked, confused at the interaction. Quickly, her confusion was replaced with a cocktail of annoyance and resentment. To think she had wanted to apologize to the man who wouldn't even let her get more than a few words out? She was embarrassed that she had even tried. If Captain Levi had been the one to convince her to join the Scouts and put her life on the line, the very least Anfisa was owed was basic human decency.</p><p>"To think I thought I had you pinned for the wrong kind of person. I guess I was right. I have nothing to apologize to you for." Anfisa spit out her words angrily like they were poison on the tip of her tongue as his back was turned to her.</p><p>Levi paused in place, Turning around slowly. If Anfisa had known any better, she would be terrified. Levi had killed for less. Instead, she couldn't see past the hatred for Levi which blinded her. </p><p>"I've never known Commander Erwin to make mistakes. And here I am, staring at what might be his biggest one yet." He spoke coldly, his face empty of any emotions. Regardless, his words stung, as he intended for them to. Without another word, Anfisa stood alone in the hallway.</p><p>Anfisa hated that he continued to make her feel like she was beyond the point of redemption. </p><p><em>Why was she here? </em>she thought, her body overcome by the bitterness of truth she found in Levi's words.</p><hr/><p>  Levi stormed through the halls of the barracks into Erwin's office,  practically slamming the door behind him.</p><p>  Erwin raised an eyebrow to the commotion, barely looking up from the ever-growing stack of paperwork on his otherwise neat desk.</p><p>  "Yes?" Erwin was no stranger to Levi's moodiness, but even this struck Erwin as odd. Levi may have seemed like an angry, dangerous man to the rest of the world, but Erwin knew it was difficult for something or <em>someone</em> to get under his skin like this.</p><p>  "She is completely intolerable. She's late to practice most days, and when she actually shows up she's always hungover. That seems to be a theme in her life, in fact. She's always drinking and-"</p><p> "But when she is at practice, she excels nonetheless, yes?" Erwin spoke calmly, not even having to ask who Levi was talking about. No one bothered him this much like Anfisa, it seemed.</p><p>  "That's hardly the point." Levi snapped back, growing irritated with his friend's lack of common sense, leaning against the wall with a huff of annoyance. </p><p>  "That's exactly the point. We are extremely low on scouts and we need to rebuild if we ever want to recapture Wall Maria." Erwin looked up from his paperwork, making eye contact with Levi. In all honesty, Erwin found this amusing. Levi was always calm, stoic, and expressionless no matter the titan, threat, or conversation at hand. Erwin had never seen Levi so out of character, irrational even.</p><p> "Besides, it wasn't like you were the ideal recruit when you joined the scouts. Trust me, I gained my fair share of grey hairs as well." Erwin chuckled as he remembered the many arguments he had with Levi when Erwin had given him the choice to either be imprisoned or dedicate his heart all those years ago. </p><p> "Is this your passive aggressive way of getting revenge?" Levi spoke more level-headed now, seeing the hypocrisy in his behavior as he composed himself.</p><p>"Trust me if it was revenge I wanted, I wouldn't go about it passively." Erwin joked, folding his hands across his desk as he looked at his longtime friend. </p><p> "What should I do about her behavior? I've never had a Scout recruit who-"</p><p> "Take her on the next scouting mission." Erwin cut off Levi, responding easily as if the answer was a simple math problem.</p><p>  "What? With her behavior She will get herself killed. Others as well." Levi raised an unconvinced eyebrow, confused at the remedy Erwin had prescribed. </p><p>  "It could only do her good. Remind her the enemy is out there, and it isn't us." </p><p>  Levi pondered Erwin's proposition.</p><p>  "Fine. But don't blame me when things go south." Levi reluctantly caved in, still failing to see the wisdom in his Commander's words as he exited his office, making his way down to the mess hall as suppertime approached.</p><p> As always, Scouts laughed and ate together, joking around like old friends despite the chaos they lived in. Anfisa however sat at a table tucked away in the corner alone, untouched food sitting in front of her. Levi observed as she had a bottle in one hand, and a piece of paper she was intently staring at in the other. If she knew the rules the Survey Corp had about drinking on practice days, she certainly didn't seem to care for them. To an untrained eye, it may have seemed as if Anfisa was completely expressionless, but Levi was not unfamiliar to the looks of a faked brave face, masking pain underneath like a charade. As Levi approached her, he couldn't help but notice how she quickly wiped away a tear from the corner of her eye, folding up the paper and slipping it into her pocket.</p><p> "Captain Levi-"</p><p>  "You are going on the next scouting mission. Tomorrow. We leave at the first signs of light."</p><p>  "Yes, Captain."</p><p>Levi was taken aback at her amicable response. He was expecting at the very least a snide comment, especially after their last interaction.</p><p> As he turned to leave, he paused.</p><p> "Do you always drink this much?" Levi asked, masking his concern with a bored expression. He didn't know the specifics of what Anfisa had faced in Shiganshia, but her knew this was no way to grieve. Her eyes were dead, resembling the eyes of those he had seen in the Underground, hopeless and hallow, the will to keep fighting waning. </p><p> Anfisa just shrugged. "As of late, yes." She spoke nonchalantly, seemingly unbothered. </p><p> "Don't." Levi said as he turned around, his face and voice empty of any emotion.</p><p>  Anfisa just rolled her eyes in response.</p><hr/><p>  Anfisa thought she was prepared. After all, these were the same monsters that had taken her sister, and revenge boiled in her blood everyday since.</p><p> But when Anfisa saw her first titan on the mission, it was almost like all time came to a stop. Just like back at Wall Maria, her body froze, no longer in control of herself. Her mind was flooded with the same scene on repeat: her sister's lifeless body falling into the mouth of a blood-hungry titan.</p><p> As the titan came down on her, Anfisa couldn't help but think how much easier everything could be if she just gave in to her impeding fate.</p><p> "Morgane! Don't just fucking stand there! Move!" Levi yelled at her from a tree above, his eyes ablaze with fury and annoyance. Levi had plenty to worry about, the last thing he needed to worry about was a Scout who didn't seem to care much about self-preservation.</p><p><em> Are you with me or not?</em>  Lydia's question echoed through Anfisa's mind as she snapped out of her trance.</p><p> Anfisa flew up, aiming for the titan's eyes, slashing through both in one clean cut and landing on it's neck. With a blood curdling scream, Anfisa cut through the nape, landing on the branch where Levi stood as the titan toppled to the ground, her body shaking as she took deep breaths in attempt to calm her nerves, her hands trembling. She thought she would feel better after she took down the titan, just like in Shiganshina. Instead, her lust for vengeance was still unsatisfied, her sister still dead no matter how many titans she killed.</p><p>  As their eyes met, Levi gave her an approving nod. "You might be useful after all." He spoke before taking off after another titan.</p><p> Anfisa hated to admit it, but Levi and Anfisa worked well together. Levi made taking down titans look practically like an artform, flying through the air and gracefully cutting through titans with lethal accuracy and skill she had never seen before. Anfisa, on the other hand didn't think, just acted on instinct, helping her move quickly and without a second of hesitation with only one goal in mind: revenge. While it might of been extremely reckless, it worked.</p><p>   As Anfisa recovered from her latest kill with the help of Levi, she watched in horror as a titan came pounding down on Levi as he was already busy fighting off two titans at once.</p><p>   Anfisa refused to see another person face the same fate her sister did, a new sense of purpose lighting a fire underneath her.</p><p>   " Captain Levi!" She screamed, as she aimed her ODM gear towards him, knocking him out of the way. She let out a screech of pain as her ODM gear malfunctioned, whipping into her upper arm, the metal wires cutting into her skin deeply. Her eyes flashed white from the sheer pain. She gripped her arm, getting back on her feet.</p><p>   "You saved me!" Levi exclaimed, surprised at her selfless act, his eyes wide.</p><p>   "Consider it me paying my debt back!" Anfisa responded, a small smile playing at her lips as she took off, already back in the fight as blood stained her sleeve.</p><p>   In that moment, Levi couldn't help but admire her as she flew through the air at a deadly speed, her eyes filled with determination he hadn't seen in her before.</p><p><em>   Erwin was right</em>, he thought to himself. Of course he was.</p><p>   As the pair worked together, soon they were the only ones left, all the titans around them slain, steam rising towards the tree tops.</p><p>   "Not bad for a first mission," Levi commended, his usual bored expression disappearing for a split second as he walked towards Anfisa, a cloth in hand as he wiped the blood clean from his swords.</p><p>  "If I didn't know any better, I would confuse that as praise." Anfisa joked sarcastically as the two regrouped with the rest of the Scouts they had been separated from during the attack. Anfisa had to admit she felt more alive when she was fighting titans, the sensation of flying  in uncharted territory giving her a sense of freedom she had craved her whole life. Her world didn't seem as small as it once had, a sense of wonder overcoming Anfisa that hadn't felt since she was a child listening to her Grandfather's stories.</p><p>   As the scouts sat around the campfire laughing and celebrating their recent victory, Levi couldn't help but notice how Anfisa sat back in the shadows, alone, her back against a tree as she stared upwards towards the stars.</p><p>  "If I knew Erwin would be recruiting another Levi I might of put up more of a fight against his new recruitment tactics." Hange leaned in towards Levi, handing him a bowl of food, a grin plastered on their face.</p><p>  "What do you mean?" Levi scoffed, displeased with his close friend's teasing comment.</p><p>  "Oh, you know exactly what I mean! The silent type, brooding, refusing to follow any commands even at her own detriment. You were the exact same way when you first got here, you know. Hell, I was almost worried that you would bite! get it? like a-"</p><p> Levi waved his hand, narrowing his eyes into a scowl. It seemed like everyone wanted to remind him of his difficult behavior when he first joined the Scouts as of late.</p><p>  "Yeah, yeah, I got it four-eyes. I was an asshole."</p><p>  "....Are. Are an asshole. But I wouldn't want it any other way!" Hange laughed, amusement written on their face at their own jokes .</p><p>"Oh, Hange, she's not that bad. Just needs a second to adjust, that's all. Trust me, she's nothing like Levi." Nanaba chimed in, over-hearing their conversation, a teasing smile on her face as she watched the usually composed Levi grow uncomfortable.</p><p> Levi sighed, standing up with an extra bowl of food in hand, ignoring Hange and Nanaba's antics. As he approached Anfisa, she seemed surprised to suddenly have company.</p><p> "Here, eat. You'll need your strength," he spoke, handing her the bowl.</p><p>  Her facial expression softened, giving a small, grateful smile.</p><p>"Thank you-" She grimaced, dropping her arm as she raised it towards the bowl, grabbed her upper arm in pain.</p><p> Levi frowned, squatting down next to where she sat.</p><p> "Let me see."</p><p> "It's just a scratch-"</p><p> "Don't make me ask again." Levi commanded, his voice firm.</p><p> Reluctantly, Anfisa dropped her arm, exposing a poorly dressed wound.</p><p> "When did this happen? It looks like a child wrapped it."</p><p> "I must of discharged my ODM gear incorrectly. I'm fine, really." She flinched as he unwrapped her wound as he squated beside her, taking her arm into his hand. She couldn't help but feel surprised that the Captain Levi had the capacity for such gentleness. </p><p> "With the way you fight," Levi paused, examining the deep cut. "I'm surprised you've made it this far."</p><p> "Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Anfisa snapped back in annoyance. </p><p> Levi ignored her discomfort.</p><p>  "From now on you'll be training with me. Everyday when we get back, the break of dawn. While your strategy is effective for taking down titans, it isn't effective at keeping you alive." Levi spoke nonchalantly. Anfisa looked down, avoiding his eyes. </p><p>  "...but you knew that already." Levi mumbled, deep in thought as he shifted her arm in his to better examine the cut. It was deep, but wasn't life threatening.</p><p>  Anfisa couldn't ignore how close his face was to hers as he hovered above her, his warm breath on her cheek as he cleaned her wound. She felt her cheeks start to burn up, but it wasn't out of pain.</p><p><em>  Stop that,</em> She chided herself, growing uncomfortable at the unexpected contact with a man she loathed.</p><p> "I guess in the moment, nothing really matters. Besides killing the titans, I mean." Anfisa finally responded, clearing her throat awkwardly.</p><p>  "So you're motivated by revenge, not self-preservation it seems. That can only take you so far." Levi paused for a second, trying to read Anfisa's mind. As much as she was a pain in the ass, the sense of responsibility he felt over her wasn't the same that he felt for the rest of the Scouts. She was here because he had saved her life in Shiganshina, and he refused to standby and watch her throw it away again.</p><p> "I've seen you before, you know. Before the fall of Maria." Anfisa spoke quickly with a lack of control over the words coming out of her mouth, anxious to change the subject from her lack of self-preservation in battle.</p><p> "Oh? When?" Levi asked only half listening, already busy again with her wound.</p><p>  "My sister and I were the ones who alerted the gatekeep to let you in from your mission before the fall of Maria," Anfisa smiled softly at the memory. "She...I remember her calling you handsome." Anfisa laughed awkwardly to herself, blushing slightly at the memory.</p><p>  Levi studied her face for a second. She looked tired, but not in the same way as someone who hadn't gotten enough sleep. No, she looked tired like someone who had lost too much. He remembered the way she fought when he first encountered her at Wall Maria, with no regard for her own safety, driven by pure rage. Somehow, he knew this sister was no longer alive.</p><p>  "And you, what was your first impression?" He asked, cautiously. He would be lying if he didn't say he was curious as the conversation changed its pace.</p><p> She looked up, meeting his gaze for the first time in the entire interaction. Levi felt his heart skip a beat. This was one of the few quiet moments where their eyes locked, but not in the heat of an argument or screaming match. In this moment, he couldn't help but notice how her green eyes twinkled as the reflection of the flames from the fire danced across her face.</p><p>  "I always imagined Humanity's Strongest would be much taller." </p><p>  Levi rolled his eyes. Despite this, Anfisa observed how his composure relaxed, his expression softened at her joke.</p><p> "Tch. Come to the fire, I can't really see here, and I think you might need stiches." </p><p>  Anfisa nodded silently, joining the rest of the scouts for the first time as Levi helped her up. </p><p> As Anfisa and Levi approached the group, Nanaba purposefully made room for Anfisa to sit down beside her, near the warmth of the flames. Giving her a grateful smile, she joined her. It was nice to finally have someone in the Scouts she could call a friend. </p><p> "Anfisa! Nice of you to join us! Now tell us, if you were a titan, what would you do first? Oh wait! let me guess, you seem like-" Hange was cut off by Levi, who had a look that could kill.</p><p> "Don't scare off the new recruit, Hange." Levi warned. </p><p> "Oh, you're no fun. Fine. Tell me about the Garrison Regiment and how much cooler we are in comparison."</p><p> Before Anfisa could respond, Levi was already back to work on fixing her up.</p><p> "Take off your shirt. I'm going to need to stich you up." He said quietly as he sat down on a log besides her. </p><p>  Anfisa fumbled nervously with her shirt. She couldn't help but feel her face burn at the seemingly harmless request. <em>What was wrong with her?</em></p><p>  "I can't..I mean my arm-" </p><p>  With a sigh, Levi helped pull the long sleeve shirt over her head. His touch was kind as he carefully started to stich her up, Anfisa barely even grimacing at the pain. She watched as his fingers skillfully stiched her up, clearly something he had done countless times prior. Still, it was calming as his  warms hands gently grazed over her cold skin.</p><p> "Let me know if you need something to bite down on." Levi spoke quietly as he looked up catching Anfisa staring.</p><p>  "I'm fine. Thank you." Anfisa spoke quickly, looking away as she finally responded to Hange.</p><p>  "I loved the Garrison. My unit was mostly people I had trained with as a cadet as well as my older sister, so it felt like family. I guess... I guess after Wall Maria fell I felt as if I could do more and so did Commander Erwin, so I transferred." Anfisa shrugged, her mind in a different world as she relived with memories of her friends.</p><p> She wondered what they could be doing right now. They were probably at a bar, laughing the night away after a quiet day in the Garrison. Hopefully, Anfisa would see them again with her own stories from beyond the wall.</p><p>  "Don't move." Levi scolded gently, eyes fixed on her wound. Anfisa felt her body tense at his words.</p><p>  "Well. That's a boring response. Hope you didn't break too many hearts when you transferred, though. If I had a younger sister in the Scouts and she transferred out of my regiment, hell I'd be pissed!" Hange exclaimed, an almost wild hilarity in their eyes. "How'd your sister handle it? Was she devastated? Or was she excited to finally have some space?" Hange continued, excitement emphasizing every single word coming out of their mouth in their usual Hange manner.</p><p> Anfisa looked over Nanaba nervously at the mention of Lydia. In response, Nanaba gave her an understanding look.</p><p> "Hange. Don't overwhelmed the new recruit." Levi said sternly, shooting his all too invasive and enthusiastic friend a warning glance. </p><p>  "Sorry I didn't mean to-"</p><p>"She gave me her blessing. She...she was happy for me." Anfisa cut her off, a heartened smile plastered to her lips. Anfisa didn't know why she kept the truth to herself. She felt as if her candor would strip her of her defenses, leaving her naked in front of her new peers, exposing all her faults to the world.</p><p>  Levi raised an unconvinced eyebrow, but kept his suspicions to himself, seeing straight through her lie. </p><p> "I'm done." He spoke, handing Anfisa back her shirt.</p><p>  "Thank you, Captain."</p><p>  He just nodded in response.</p><p>  Later that night as he took the first watch, Levi watched as Anfisa pulled out the sheet of paper he had seen at the mess hall, seemingly lost in adream as she stared into it. Her expression softened, her fortifications down for the first time since he first met her. Anfisa's face was raw with emotion, but still remained as unreadable as ever to Levi- a mystery that bothered him as it went unsolved. </p><p> Levi couldn't help but wonder what was on that paper. Could it be a letter, perhaps? From a family member, or a lover? And why did the thought of her having a lover seem to bother Levi so much? He pushed those thoughts aside as Anfisa looked up, catching him staring.</p><p>Quickly, she folded it up and slipped it away in her pocket in the same rushed manner he witnessed in the mess hall. She smiled gently at him, her face illuminated by the silver light from the stars above.</p><p>"Goodnight, Captain. " </p><p>Levi just nodded in response. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Get Up</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Edited 2/4/21</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> Anfisa was startled awake as ice cold water soaked through her blanket, her clothes, and her face, chilling her to the core of her bones. Her eyes shot open, adrenaline pounding through her veins ready to fight off her intruder.</p><p> "Good. Your awake." Levi responded calmly as he stood above her bed. If he felt any remorse for his actions, he certainly didn't show it. </p><p> "What the hell??" Anfisa spit out, jumping up in her now soaked bed. She looked out of her window, the outside world still dark as the sun had yet to rise, crickets playing their tune.</p><p> "I told you we would practice everyday after your arm healed. You have fifteen minutes to get dressed and meet me in the mess hall."</p><p> He paused before exiting, looking around her room, various bottles and articles of clothes scattered on the floor. With a look of disdain he turned to face Anfisa once more as she sat in her bed, a practically wild expression on her face as her hair stuck in all different ways, still yet to recover from his ambush.</p><p>"Disgusting. You live like this?"</p><p> Before Anfisa had a chance to protest, Levi was already gone. </p><p>  "I should of just stayed in the Garrison!" Anfisa groaned, burying her face under her pillow while she gathered the willpower to follow Levi's orders. </p><p><em>  Just because he's an insomniac doesn't mean I have to suffer</em>, Anfisa thought bitterly as she dried herself off. </p><p>  Anfisa dressed in her uniform in a rush, pulling her hair into a quick, messy braid down her back. She picked up her necklace with her sister's ring on it from her nightstand, quickly slipping it over her head and tucking it into her shirt. </p><p>  <em> For good luck, </em>she thought. <em>The gods know I will need it. </em></p><p>She glanced into her mirror one last time. Her eyes were heavy with sleep, and despite her best efforts her hair was still a curly mess. </p><p><em>   Great, nothing but the best for Captain Levi, </em>she thought before stopping herself, physically pausing mid-action.<em> Since when did she care what he thought?</em></p><p>  Ever since she had came back from the mission, she couldn't help but feel a new found sense of unease around Levi. He had always drove her crazy, but somehow it was different now. Now, he didn't have to say a single word for Anfisa to feel like she was going to lose her mind. Never had someone's mere presence caused so much internal conflict and confusion for her. She wanted to hate him, but for but for some reason that desire was growing weaker every passing day. Anfisa brought her fingers up to her stiches, a  thin scar growing across her arm. Just like everything else about Levi, his stiches were neat. If Anfisa closed her eyes, she could almost feel his gentle touch on her skin.</p><p>  Anfisa blinked, pushing the uninvited thoughts out of her head as she made her way to the mess hall. </p><p>  "You're two minutes late." Levi spoke, disapproval written in his face as he tapped his foot as if he had been waiting for ages. </p><p>   Anfisa just grumbled something unintelligible under her breath. </p><p> "Sit. Do you drink tea?" </p><p> "Excuse me?"</p><p> "Do I have to repeat myself? Or are you deaf?"</p><p> Anfisa was too tired to argue. "Black tea, two teaspoons of sugar. Thank you."</p><p> As Levi headed off to the kitchen, an expression of approval flickered across his face at her answer, if only for a second.</p><p>Anfisa blinked. <em>My eyes must of been playing tricks on me</em>, she thought as she tried her best to not fall asleep at the table. Levi returned, handing Anfisa her tea as he sipped his own, holding his tea cup by the rim rather than the handle. As the familiar earthy rich bitterness woke up her senses, Anfisa had to admit this was the best cup of tea she ever had.</p><p> "Follow me." Levi commanded, setting his tea down. </p><p> "Where are we going?"</p><p>  It didn't surprise Anfisa when he ignored her. Reluctantly, she abandoned her tea and without another word she followed. Her confusion only grew as they walked straight past the practice field Anfisa had grown used to, instead walking into a secluded field away from any of the other Scouts who were up at this hour.</p><p>  "Why are we here?"</p><p>  " It's easier to focus here, less distractions. Or you'd rather everyone watch as I kick your ass? I can make that happen, if you insist." Levi spoke with his usual bored tone.</p><p>  "What makes you think you can kick my ass?" Anfisa defensively crossed her arms, stopping in her tracks. </p><p>  Rather than answering, Levi turned around, and in one fell swoop he kicked her to the ground, planting his heel into her chest. Anfisa doubled over to the ground with a thud, gasping for air. She looked up at him stunned, still groggy with sleep.</p><p>  "Do you need more convincing, brat?"</p><p>  "I wasn't ready." Anfisa winced, rubbing a growing welt on her back. </p><p>  "Get up. Now. "</p><p>  Anfisa stood up, taking a defensive stance, determined to stay on her feet. Still, Levi easily over powered her. </p><p>  "Up. Again. If you're the best the Garrison had to offer, than I'm worried for the survival of the walls." Levi edged her on purposefully. He wanted to see the fire of rage in her eyes that he had seen when she was up against titans- if she was going to fight for revenge, she would have to learn how to control it and use it to her advantage.</p><p> Levi knocked her down probably another five times, but Anfisa had already lost count. Never had Anfisa ever felt so weak and out of control before. In the Garrison, she did well at hand-to-hand combat, exceled even. Hell, in the Cadet Corp, she had ranked top ten, fighting tooth and nail for her spot. And yet she had never felt the pressure to prove her worth as a fighter until it came to Levi. </p><p>  "You're distracted. Why?" He spoke calmly, reaching his hand out to pull her to her feet yet again. His hand felt calloused and worn in hers, a testament to his years of training and skill. She swallowed, trying to keep the heat on her cheeks from showing as sweat began to pool at her brow. </p><p><em>  What is wrong with me? </em>Anfisa scolded herself. </p><p> "I- I don't know." She spoke, unwilling to admit that Levi was in fact the reason why she was distracted. It was hard to focus when every movement Levi made was practically hypnotizing, his body working like a piece of sophisticated machinery unknown to man. The only thing that brought her back to reality was when she was at the end of his kicks and punches.</p><p>  "Stop it. Again." </p><p>  This time, Anfisa focused all her energy on learning how Levi moved, what calculations he made in his head. She knew she could never out speed him, but maybe she could outwit him. This time as they spared, Anfisa lasted longer than the previous time, landing more successful kicks and punches than she had previously.</p><p>  "Good. But not good enough." Levi spoke calmly, as he knocked her to the ground again with a sigh. "I suppose that's enough for today. Get up."</p><p>   Anfisa couldn't help but be annoyed at his mocking dismissive tone. She knew she was a skilled fighter, and she was determined to prove it. </p><p>  "No. Again." This time Anfisa had been the one to demand a rematch, taking a defensive stance, blood pounding in her ears. Levi was no titan. He was a man, and yet he had been her biggest opponent yet.</p><p>  Levi raised an eyebrow, but eventually rolled up the sleeves of his shirt once more. She was a mess of beautiful chaos, and he could see it in her eye as they blazed up in determination. This time, she fought as if she had something she wanted to prove.</p><p>  Anfisa had been diligently studying his weaknesses. Levi had a strong preference for his left side, favoring his left hand when throwing punches and mainly using his right to defend. As they sparred Levi pivoted his foot, and Anfisa was ready for the opening. Anfisa kicked at his knee, using her forearm to block his punch coming from his left fist. As he fell back, He grabbed her forearm in attempt to gain the upper-hand, but he was already too late. Anfisa pushed him down with a kick to the chest, pinning his arms down with her own as she hovered above him.</p><p>   She grinned widely, pleased with her accomplishment as she stared down at her Captain. Her heart skipped a beat as she realized just how close they were to one another, Levi's chest rising and falling beneath her with every breath he took.</p><p>  "...Now I think we've had enough for today." She spoke, a new air of confidence around her as she rolled off of him sitting upright, breathing heavy as she wiped the sheen of sweat that had formed on her forehead off with the back of her hand.</p><p>  "I'll admit," Levi spoke, brushing grass and dirt off of himself as he sat up himself. "It's been a while since anyone has bested me. Good job. " He spoke curtly, his voice void of any actual praising tone in his usual Levi fashion. His eyes, however, deceived him as they softened.</p><p>   Levi couldn't help but feel a small sense of disappointment when Anfisa had gotten off of him. In truth, every time they connected physically, Levi couldn't help but wish those moments lasted longer. Levi had never felt this way about anyone, something that had annoyed him at first, especially when Anfisa would act intolerably. But in moments like this he was completely captivated, distracted by every little detail on her face, from every freckle to the small scar at her browbone. He could finally see Anfisa for who she really was. To put it simply, she was mesmerizing, determined, and willing to fight no matter the personal cost, all traits Levi had grown to admire in her. </p><p>  "..If it makes you feel any better," She spoke, pulling Levi out of his thoughts. "I have never been knocked on my ass so many times before. Even in the Training Corp." She smiled softly, her eyes twinkling as the first few rays of sunlight lit up the sky above. </p><p>  "I read your file," Levi cleared his throat. "You were top ten in your cadet class, but you joined the Garrison. Why?"</p><p>  Levi watched as her expression grew more serious as her mind drowned with echoes of the past. Finally, she answered truthfully.</p><p> "It's silly really. I could of lived comfortably as a MP. But after years of looking up to my sister and seeing how hard she worked to protect others, that comfort seemed... mindless. I mean, why join the military in the first place if I wouldn't be fighting for humanity, but for the rich? While I'd live in comfort, I don't think I would be able to live with myself." She spoke softly, her eyes on the birds above.</p><p>  Levi nodded thoughtfully at her answer as they sat in comfortable silence. His first impression of Anfisa had been a complete misinterpretation of the person that lived beneath the surface. It dawned upon Levi just how much he wanted to save her from herself, give her a reason to fight for humanity rather than revenge.</p><p>  As Anfisa entered her room, she sighed, rubbing her sore muscles. She had yet to rest, however. Dutifully, she began picking up the discarded bottles in her living quarters, dusting down the room, and tidying up everything she owned. Despite how it might of looked, Anfisa had always loved being clean. It gave her a sense of control over her life, something she was in a desperate lack of. Humming quietly to herself she looked up when she heard a knock, Nanaba peaking her head in. </p><p>  "When you didn't show up for breakfast I needed to check and make sure Captain Levi didn't kill you," She chuckled, stepping in. </p><p>   "Trust me, he came close a few times," Anfisa joked as she stood up, handing Nanaba her an unopened bottle of whiskey. "Here. I was going to throw it away, but while you're here you might as well have it. It's too expensive to let it go to waste."</p><p>  Nanaba raised an eyebrow, taking the bottle from her hand as she studied the label.</p><p>  "Planning on sobering up?"</p><p>  Anfisa paused, unsure of how to answer. "I don't know. I have no clue what I'm doing, all I know is I want to live again. Actually live. "</p><p> As the words escaped her mouth, the honesty surprised Anfisa. She found it easy to be honest with Nanaba, never fearing her judgement. Perhaps it had been because of Nanaba's initial kindness or because of her connection to Lydia, but Anfisa felt comfortable around her, her fears of letting her defenses down melting away as she put her imperfections out on display.</p><p>   Later that evening, Anfisa made her way back to the river as the sun began to set, dipping her feet into the cold water as it rushed over her sore muscles. Pulling out the drawing of her sister, she tenderly traced the lines with her fingertip, her sister smiling back up to her. Since the fall of Maria, it had felt as if half of her soul was missing. </p><p>  She knew she had to move forward. She had to make Lydia proud. Most importantly, Lydia was more than just some martyr, and Anfisa refused to let her death to be in vain. </p>
<hr/><p>   For the next few months, not a day would go by that Anfisa and Levi didn't train with one another in the cool hours of early morning. From perfecting her ODM technique to teaching Anfisa how to become a master horseback rider, Levi had taught her everything he knew. While she had been a good fighter previously, now she was a lethal one. This wasn't the only transformation he saw in Anfisa, however. He noticed Anfisa had started drinking less and became more social, befriending many of her fellow Scouts. She had completely transformed into a different person since when she had first arrived.</p><p><em>   No</em>, Levi had concluded. She didn't change who she was, she had instead started to heal, no longer just a ghost of who she was prior to the fall of Wall Maria. </p><p>  One day after their usual practice session, Levi cleared his throat, feeling a sense of regret with his upcoming announcement.</p><p>   "I don't think there is anything else I can teach you. We don't have to continue training."</p><p>   In truth, Levi had grown to appreciate the early hours he had with Anfisa, developing a sense of familiarity he only had with a few other people in his life. It gave him a new sense of purpose, and he had grown to not just enjoy her company, but crave it. </p><p>   She sat up from where she had been watching the clouds move in the breeze while they were taking a break after sparing, her hair blowing gently in wisps. At first, she didn't know how to react. She never thought the day would come where no longer despised Levi. Instead, she had grown to admire him.</p><p>  Finally, a genuine smile grew on her face. </p><p><em>  That damn smile</em>, Levi thought to himself. </p><p>  "Thank you, Captain. Truly." She spoke softly. She looked more alive than ever, something that felt infectious. </p><p>  "Just call me Levi when we are alone, I think we are past formalities." Levi spoke, meeting her gentle gaze.</p><p>  Anfisa's face lit up. She had finally won his respect. Maybe she wasn't past the point of redemption, after all. </p><p>  "Then in that case thank you, Levi."</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chain of Command</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Edited 2/4/21</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Year 850, Five Years After The Fall of Wall Maria</strong>
</p>
<p> As Levi walked to Erwin's office, he was caught off guard as Anfisa exited the office as he reached to knock on the wooden door, coming face to face with the girl he had grown to admire from a distance in the past five years.</p>
<p>"Anfisa," He cleared his throat. In the past few years, these awkward small interactions had become commonplace.</p>
<p>"Good morning, Captain." She smiled brightly, a pleased expression on her face as she walked down the hall, gently humming to herself seemingly without a care in the world.</p>
<p>"She's become one of our arguably best soldiers. I suppose I have you to thank for that." Erwin spoke, looking up from his paperwork as Levi stepped into the room, Erwin's eyes steady on his friend.</p>
<p>"I don't think I can take all the credit. Why did you want to see me?" Levi spoke curtly and straight to the point as he leaned against the wall, sipping the tea he had in his hand.</p>
<p>"I wanted to share some news with you. As you already know, the 104th Training Corp is graduating in a few months. Hange and I decided that Ms. Morgane would be a great candidate for becoming a Sergeant. Her duties would include squad supervisor, and we would assign her to the new cadets. I just told her, but I'd like your input before making any official decisions." Erwin said, folding his arms across his chest as he leaned back in his chair, studying Levi's expression carefully.</p>
<p> As always, Levi's expression would never deceive the inner workings of his mind. Even after all these years, Erwin found Levi difficult to read, especially whenever Anfisa would be mentioned in a conversation- something Erwin found particularly interesting. </p>
<p> Levi raised an eyebrow before speaking. " Seems a bit early don't you think? There's veterans who have been around longer than her and have more experience."</p>
<p>"That was a concern that I had as well when Hange proposed the idea initially. But as a Garrison transfer not too long ago and taking in account her age, Hange believes she is in a unique position to support new recruits in the transition to the Survey Corp, especially the younger ones."</p>
<p> Levi just shrugged. "Can't argue with that, I suppose."</p>
<p>"You, of course would have to provide her with guidance and work closely together, mentor her. Hange and I have seen you two practice together for the last few years as well as how well you work together on missions. We think you two make an excellent team. Do you think she would be up for the new responsibility?"</p>
<p>Levi took a long sip of his tea, carefully pondering his response in order to avoid showing how he truly felt. In truth, he didn't see any fault in Hange and Erwin's logic. However, even when she wasn't even in sight, he couldn't help but feel distracted by her. The idea of working alongside her was one that made his heart beat faster, a crack in his composure.</p>
<p> "Do what you and Hange think is best. I trust your judgment." Levi cleared his throat, dropping his friend's gaze.</p>
<p> Erwin raised an eyebrow at Levi's curt response.</p>
<p>"Well, the matter is settled then. I'll speak to Hange, and then later today she will let Ms. Morgane know she is officially a Sergeant. Be sure to brief her on the 56th Scouting Mission before we leave in two days."</p>
<p>Levi just nodded, leaving the office without so much as a final word.</p><hr/>
<p>"We leave in two days time for the 56th Scouting Mission. When we return, we will be making our way to the capitol, mostly to kiss some noble ass and to claim any new recruits we may have. "</p>
<p>"When I agreed to the Sergeant position, I never thought that would mean I was agreeing to be a glorified babysitter." Anfisa joked, earning a rare small smile from Levi as the pair sat alone in a secluded corner of the mess hall. When it had been just the two of them, Levi felt like he could relax, no longer worried of what other's might say if they saw the kindness he reserved for Anfisa and Anfisa alone.</p>
<p>"Yes, well, if it's any consolation you're a glorified babysitter who has my permission as your Captain to make their lives a living hell." Levi spoke, taking a long sip of tea that Anfisa had made him. He didn't know what it was, but somehow it tasted better when she brewed it. </p>
<p>"The same way you made my life hell when I first arrived? I might have to take you up on that. Seems only fair after everything I had to suffer through." Anfisa bantered back, her face lighting up at the playful exchange, gently placing her hand on his forearm.</p>
<p> Levi had never been one for physical contact, but even that small gesture made it harder to swallow. They had grown much more comfortable in recent years, became close friends even, but Levi had yet to get used to Anfisa's friendly intimacy. It was after all, just platonic right? Or at least that's what Levi had convinced himself was the case in order to keep lines from becoming blurred. If Anfisa knew that her behavior was so distracting for him, she didn't show it.</p>
<p>"Well, there she is! Anfisa, how does it feel being a sergeant!?" Hange came over Levi and Anfisa, plopping down next to the pair as they sat on the table, a grin across their face as Levi and Anfisa's quiet moment had passed.</p>
<p>"Hange, I'm honored that you think i'm-"</p>
<p> Before Anfisa could finish, Hange pulled Anfisa to her feet, dragging her to the table with the rest of the Veterans across the mess hall. Anfisa shot Levi an equally terrified and surprised look, her mouth hanging slightly agape as her eyes grew wide.</p>
<p>"You can thank me later. Eld! Get your guitar!! Nanaba!! Get out the good whiskey!! Tonight we celebrate!" Hange exclaimed, excitement making them so jittery they were practically bouncing off the walls. Hange always found reason to celebrate, from birthdays to promotions. It was their way of keeping morale high, making sure their friends and fellow Scouts could find a moment of hope in dark times. Hange was the glue that kept the spirits of the Survey Corp alive, and even Levi couldn't deny Anfisa and the rest of the Scouts a moment of respite before their upcoming mission. </p>
<p> Still slightly terrified of Hange's aggressive excitement even after all the years Anfisa had grown close to Hange, She hesitantly accepted the glass of whiskey from Nanaba. She looked over at Levi from across the room, raising an eyebrow as if asking him for permission. Levi nodded, his expression as bored as ever despite the commotion blooming around him. Anfisa had worked hard in the past five years, and  Levi couldn't challenge that she had earned it.</p>
<p>  Eld began strumming away a song he had played hundreds of time prior and the veterans chimed in, singing off-key, but nobody seemed to care. Hange grabbed Anfisa once more.</p>
<p> "Come on, Anfisa! Let me show you how we do it back at Wall Rose!!" Hange exclaimed enthusiastically, laughing.</p>
<p> Anfisa threw her head back in both laughter and embarrassment as hange taught her the intricate moves of a dance as the rest of the Scouts cheered, danced, and laughed along. Erwin walked into the mess hall, drawn to the sudden noise. Once he realized that Hange was just back to their usual antics, Erwin just chuckled.</p>
<p> Erwin couldn't help but notice how Levi stared at Anfisa from afar. His eyes were gentle, his usual cold scowl nowhere to be seen.</p>
<p><em>That explains his behavior earlier today,</em> Erwin thought to himself as he sat down next to Levi, joining his friend on the sidelines.</p>
<p> Anfisa couldn't help but stop for a second, taking this moment in. The scouts had became her family, quelling the overwhelming sensation of loneliness Anfisa felt after Wall Maria. They had fought together, loved together, and lost together. There was no stronger bond than that, and as Anfisa felt more tied to the Scouts, the more she felt human again.</p>
<p> She looked over at Levi, one last time with a smile on her face, her eyes twinkling with joy as Nanaba pulled her into a side hug by her shoulders, a bottle of whiskey in her other hand as the veterans drunkenly sang a shanty from Wall Rose.</p>
<p> As their eyes locked, Levi knew this is how he would always remember Anfisa, dancing with the rest of the Scouts with a smile on her lovely face.</p><hr/>
<p>  Hours later, Levi sighed as he entered the mess hall as he was met with a far too familiar scene: veterans drunk at the tables, snoring loudly. For a bunch of highly trained soldiers, it was frankly embarrassing how many of them were lightweights. </p>
<p> As he reached where Anfisa slept, he somehow couldn't find it in himself to be annoyed at her like he was at the rest of the veterans. Somehow her behavior paled in comparison, especially when he noticed the look of peace on her face as she slept, a softness he rarely ever saw in her. </p>
<p> "Alright, get up. Commander Erwin will be expecting you tomorrow morning to discuss your new duties." Levi spoke, tapping his boot against hers. When she didn't stir, he let out an annoyed sigh. Wrapping his arm under hers, he pulled her to her feet. </p>
<p> "...Levi? " confusion warped her expression as she lifted a palm to her head. "I can walk on my-" She started before tumbling, Levi catching her in his arms. </p>
<p> "Tch. Just let me help you, brat." He spoke, tightening his grip around her waist. If circumstances were different, maybe he would of enjoyed being able to hold her up like this.</p>
<p> They walked through the long halls back to Anfisa's quarters in silence until she spoke. </p>
<p>  "Levi? There's something I never understood." She mumbled, her words slurring as she fought to stay awake. </p>
<p>  "What?"</p>
<p>  "At first...Why didn't you give up on me? You could of but.." Her words trailed as she tried to collect her thoughts in her state of mind. Levi wasn't particularly known for grand acts of kindness, especially towards drunks who resembled those in the Underground. He had no duty or obligation to encourage her, train her, and fight by her side, but he did. Anfisa was eternally grateful, but nonetheless confused as to why it had been her.  </p>
<p>  At first, Levi didn't know how to respond. Finally, he decided there was no better answer than the truth. </p>
<p>  "I suppose you reminded me of myself when I first got here. Erwin...he saved me from myself. Even if I didn't have a choice in the matter." Levi spoke, thinking back to his own first days in the Survey Corp. If it hadn't been for the kindness of Hange and Erwin, he wouldn't of been able to overcome the pain of losing Isabel and Furlan on Levi's first mission. Anfisa had never told him if her sister had died like Levi had come to suspect, always ignoring the topic of family at all costs. But if Levi was right, he knew he couldn't just stand by and watch Anfisa suffered as he had. </p>
<p> Anfisa paused as they reached her door, looking over at Levi, thoughtfulness written in her features. </p>
<p>"The same way you saved me." She spoke simply, a small smile growing on her face as the light from the halls flickered in her green eyes.</p>
<p> Levi felt something stir in the pit of his stomach as her eyes met his. Levi's composure relaxed, hints of a rare smile playing at his lips. Never had someone had the ability to temper Levi like this.</p>
<p>  Before Levi could speak a word, Anfisa grinned drunkenly as she noticed his expression.</p>
<p>  "I don't know if that counts as a smile Levi, but you look so handsome when you don't look like you want to kill me," Anfisa joked, giggling lightly at her drunken confession as she entered her bedroom, leaving Levi stunned in the hallway. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Spoiler: High key it really hit me today that by season 4 like all the veteran scouts are dead so here's a happy veteran scene :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Military Trials and Tribulations</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Edited 2/4/21</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>  Anfisa was horrified as she looked at the 104th Training Core, children who had been pushed straight into the horrors of war just a day after they had graduated.</p><p>  The Colossal titan was back, just like Anfisa had witnessed at Wall Maria, bursting through the gate of Trost. Anfisa's blood boiled just as she thought about it. Those children had been at the frontlines, and the Survey Corp had failed to determine where The Colossal titan had even came from. As soon as the Scouts had gotten word of what had transpired, they cut the 56th expedition short and came to the aid of the Garrison and the people of Trost. Despite this, many lives had already been lost, and Trost lay in ruin, no longer the great city it had once been.</p><p>  As the scouts made their way to the capitol after Trost was recovered, Anfisa couldn't blame the angry shouts and sneers from the local town's people and evacuated refugees in the inner walls. Buildings had crumbled to the ground, no doubt crushing those who hide inside, ash and death heavy in the air. Anfisa watched as a woman cried over the remnants of a corpse. She screamed in anguish, tears and blood staining her face. Anfisa found it hard to breath, choking under the weight of her own guilt. Wall Rose had been compromised, a bloody stain that Anfisa would never be able to scrub off of her hands. Even while many had been evacuated, the loss of life of those who didn't make it and lost their homes was immeasurable. </p><p>  As Anfisa's face contorted, Levi knew exactly what was on her mind. Trost had become the haunting image of Shiganshina after Wall Maria fell. He pulled his horse up to hers, speaking quietly so no one else could hear. </p><p>  "This isn't your fault. It's none of our faults. This Colossal Titan...it's nothing like we have seen before. There's nothing we could of done." His face was blank of any emotion, but as he spoke Anfisa knew he didn't believe in the words that escaped his mouth. Captain Levi had a duty, and that was to push his soldiers to keep moving forward, turning their backs onto the past. However, this was a façade that could never fool Anfisa.</p><p>"The titan shifter, Eren Jeager is it? Is he still alive?" Anfisa asked her superior, her eyes wide in both curiosity and fear. The very notion that a titan had been living inside The Walls was an utter, bone chilling nightmare. But at the same time, Eren Jeager's very existence was a mystery to the nature of man- a mystery that Anfisa refused to sit on the sidelines and watch unfold. No, she would be there at the frontlines, determined to understand how he came to be.</p><p>"As hard as it is to believe, yes. Your pals back in the Garrison have taken him into custody. There will be a military trial tomorrow to determine if he will be executed or not. We need him alive-"</p><p>"If we're ever to take back Wall Maria, I assume. How do we know he can be trusted?"</p><p>"We don't know if he can be. "</p><p> Anfisa's eyes were back on the destroyed city before her.</p><p>"Those children...they should never of been used in the fight. We should of been here," Anfisa's entire composure changed, her body tensing with fury as her knuckles grew white as she gripped onto the reigns of her horse. The children were a reflection of a truth Anfisa had come to internalize: this war with the titans was relentless, merciless, and indiscriminate since the very start. Those children however, deserved every right to continue living, a right Anfisa and the rest of the military failed to protect.</p><p>"It was out of our control." </p><p> Anfisa looked at Levi, her eyes wide with disbelief as her face twisted in disgust. </p><p> "I refuse to be as heartless as you." And with that, Anfisa shook her head in disapproval, kicking the side of her horse in efforts to make distance between her and Levi. Her words were sharp like a dagger, and she intended to wound with them.</p><p> Anfisa knew it wasn't fair, but as memories from her first encounter with The Colossal blinded her. Levi couldn't blame her. He hadn't seen that rage in her for many years now, and as he scanned the crowds of refugees, each face broken as the next, he felt the same rage bubble inside him as well. </p>
<hr/><p> Anfisa couldn't help but look away as Levi kicked Eren as he was chained on the floor of the military trial. She understood why he did it, it was better than the alternative. She would gladly take a beating over the gallows any day. Regardless, she found it hard to watch as blood flew with each kick. Eren was just a kid, and the world had already been so cruel to him.</p><p> She walked through the humid halls of the dungeons where Eren was being kept while Commander Erwin and Levi had been finalizing paperwork alongside the MPs. As she entered his cell, Anfisa squatted down in the jail cell, eye level with Eren. His eyes were puffy, and his face was bruised beyond recognition.</p><p> With a concerned look on her face, she pulled out a handkerchief from her pocket, gently wiping away blood from Eren's face.</p><p>"He didn't have to be so excessively aggressive." Anfisa muttered, her brows furrowed in disapproval and concern as she examined Eren's face.</p><p>"No. I understood why he did it. " Eren grumbled, his words barely a whisper as he grabbed his ribcage in pain.</p><p>Anfisa gave him a sympathetic smile and a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder, carful not to hurt him.</p><p>"I'm Anfisa Morgane, a Sergeant in the Survey Corp. I promise, we are more than happy to take you in, despite what Captain Levi said out there. He's not the best at first impressions." She gently helped Eren get to his feet, walking him back upstairs to the meeting room where Hange, Levi, and Erwin had been waiting.</p><p> As she helped Eren sit down on the couch, he was already healing remarkably fast, his bruises fading right before Anfisa's eyes. She blinked, convinced her vision was playing tricks on her.</p><p>"Thank you, Ms. Morgane. That will be all. I'll send for you when your assistance is further needed." Erwin spoke, his entire composure completely changing back to the Erwin she had known for the past couple of years, nothing like how he composed himself throughout the military trial.</p><p> Levi's behavior however, was no act.</p><p> Silently, Anfisa nodded, turning to the door where Levi stood. Grabbing him by his forearm, Anfisa leaned in to make sure no one else would hear as she whispered in his ear.</p><p>"....If you so much as hurt a hair on the poor boy I will kill you." She hissed under her breath, her gaze growing deadly as she stared daggers straight through Levi's chest.</p><p>  While she had tried to look intimidating, Levi was unfazed. Somehow, she managed to remain as captivating as ever, even with a death threat on her lips that Levi knew wasn't just a bluff. </p><p> Levi gave her a small, sarcastic smirk. "You know I can't make promises like that."</p><p> Anfisa glared at him, and with an annoyed huff she left the room. She couldn't help but still feel anger over their conversation the previous day, but she had no intentions of taking back her words no matter how much she regretted them. After all, Levi seemed as unbothered as ever, and that ate away at her. </p><p> As Anfisa waited outside in the hallway patiently, a familiar voice caught her off guard.</p><p>"..Anfisa? Anfisa Morgane?"</p><p> Anfisa turned around, coming face to face with Davina and her old friends. They were older now, a far cry from who they were training together. They no longer looked like the soft hearted and uncontrollable cadets that Anfisa had burned in her mind. </p><p> For the first time in five years, she was completely lost for words. So instead, Anfisa silently pulled Davina into a tight hug, her jaw agape in disbelief as her eyes grew glassy.</p><p>"I almost couldn't believe it was you at the trial! What are you doing here?" Davina exclaimed, still holding her old friend in her arms. Davina looked healthier than before, happier even.</p><p>"I...I'm a Sergeant now. Apparently that makes me important enough for this kind of business. What are you doing here?"  Each word that Anfisa spoke to her long-time friend felt precious. It had been far too long, and there was so much she needed to say to her friend from another time. </p><p>"Well, I'll have you know ever since the fall of Maria, the Garrison has been completely restructured. You may call me Captain Davina from now on." Davina smiled widely with pride.</p><p>"Congratulations! I'm proud of you, all of you. I can't even tell you how good it is to see your faces again." Anfisa spoke earnestly as she turned to the rest of her friends, their familiar faces bringing a sense of peace and relief to her otherwise troubled mind. With Trost a reflection of what they had witnessed in Shiganshina, it was their familiar eyes and kind smiles that could ease the pain growing in Anfisa's chest.</p><p>"Enough about us, how have you been? Please tell me you don't train with Captain Levi, seeing what he did out there-"</p><p>  Davina was cut off when Levi cleared his throat loudly as he stepped out into the hallway with Hange, undoubtedly overhearing the conversation.</p><p>"Captain Levi. Squad Leader Hange. This is Captain Davina, a friend of mine from the Garrison." Anfisa introduced the two awkwardly, eager to move on from the previous comment.</p><p> "Captain," Levi acknowledged, his voice monotone, his expression bored. He was used to comments like that from other branches of the military. It seemed as if his reputation proceeded him- not that his actions in the military trial helped his case.</p><p> "Oh, how nice! I'm Hange! Anfisa, is your sister around, i'd love to meet her-" Hange stopped, reading the mixture of shocked, sad, and confused facial expressions of Anfisa's friends. Hange knew they had made a miss-step, but they weren't sure where.</p><p> "They don't know, do they?" Davina spoke gently as her eyes widened in shock as she looked straight through Anfisa as if she was paper-thin, her secrets hiding in plain sight.</p><p> Anfisa paused momentarily, unsure of what to say or do. Quickly composing herself, she broke the deafening silence.</p><p> "There's nothing to tell," she plastered a forced smile to her face. "Captain Davina, if I may, could I stop by the barracks and pick up a few of my things that I left when I transferred before we leave the city tomorrow morning?" Anfisa spoke, anxious to change the subject.</p><p> "Of course. Everything is the way you left it. You're always welcomed back, Anfisa." Davina smiled with reassurance as she squeezed her friend's arm, understanding the situation. </p><p> With a quick goodbye, the two groups parted. Anfisa refused to meet Levi's or Hange's eyes as they went forward with their duties.</p><p> "Nice going, four-eyes." Levi muttered under his breath to Hange while Anfisa was out of earshot.</p><p> A wave of emotion overcame Hange's face as they put the pieces together. Hange had no clue how she could of missed this earlier. As Anfisa's behavior began to make sense, Hange was filled with a sense of regret.</p><p> "Oh. Oh dear. Oh I am so so sorry." Hange muttered to themselves, eyes dropping to the floor.</p>
<hr/><p> "I couldn't bring my self to let this room go to any of the new recruits. I kept it exactly the way you left it, dust bunnies and all." Davina spoke softly, her eyes dropping to the ground, refusing to face the old memories that hid behind the door. </p><p> "Thank you, Davina." Anfisa answered, unsure of how to feel. In truth, she had grown so numb in recent years she didn't know if she could feel anything. And yet, this door held the memories of her past, both the good and the dreadful.</p><p> When Davina had given her some privacy, Anfisa's hand trembled as she reached for the brass doorknob of her old room. As her hand connected with the cold metal, she took a deep, shuddering breath, swinging the door open with a loud creak.</p><p> Everything was just like she remembered. It was like a time capsule, five years of dust gently collecting on years of memories. Anfisa sat down on her old bed, tucking her feet into her chest as she stared at her sister's bed, across the room. With a huff, Anfisa got back on her feet again, starting to pack a few of her belongings she had left behind, choosing to ignore the shadows that stood in that room with her.</p><p> Anfisa moved quickly, refusing to allow a single invasive thought invade her mind. </p><p>As she pulled open a drawer, she couldn't help but let out a bitter laugh. Under a layer of clothing lay a forgotten bottle of alcohol that Anfisa and Lydia had hidden during a room inspection. Anfisa unscrewed the top, taking a long bitter swig, shuddering.</p><p>"You always had the most questionable taste, Lydia." She spoke out loud, her voice cracking. Nobody but the ghosts in the walls could hear her. She sat down to the floor slowly, bottle in hand.</p><p>"May I come in?" Davina spoke softly as she returned, standing in the doorway. This would be her first time entering the room in five years as well. Somehow, it felt easier with Anfisa by her side. </p><p>Without a word, Anfisa nodded. Davina joined her on the cold floor where she sat.</p><p> "Not a day goes by that I don't think about her. " Davina's voice was gentle as she wrapped an arm around Anfisa. Anfisa's eyes couldn't help but notice a glittering jewel on her ring finger.</p><p> "Davina...are you.. married?" Anfisa's voice was meek. </p><p> Davina looked down at her hand, blushing, wiping away a small tear that had formed in the corner of her eye.</p><p> "Engaged. Micah proposed to me two months ago. I meant to write to you, it's just-"</p><p> "No. It's okay. I'm happy for you, really. Lydia wouldn't want you spending the rest of your years alone." Anfisa said with an understanding and reassuring smile. In truth, pain twisted in her stomach. It wasn't from betrayal, rather from a sense of pain that Anfisa herself could never move on like Davina did. </p><p> "Thank you, Anfisa. We don't know when the ceremony will be with everything going on, but we would love for you to be there." Davina spoke, a sense of gratefulness washing over her as Anfisa gave her blessing. Davina would always love Lydia, but Davina was ready to love another again.</p><p>"I would love to be there." Anfisa squeezed Davina's hand.</p><p>"What about you? Anyone special in your life?"</p><p>Anfisa laughed quietly at just the thought. While many did find love within and outside of the Survey Corp, Anfisa feared the only one she would ever set her heart on would never feel the same way, a pain she had come to accept in the years that she had come to befriend Levi and learn of the softness that he still held in his soul. She admired this about him- he still held on to his humanity despite it all, even if he didn't make an effort to show it. She had grown fond of his company, but she knew it could never be. He was after all, her Captain.</p><p>"No, no one like that for me." Anfisa spoke quietly.</p><p>"Well, it seems that as much I didn't like my first impression of Captain Levi, if he's an example of what the Scouts have to offer than you should have plenty of options." Davina joked as the two girls laughed despite the pain they both felt in the room of a lost loved one.</p><p>"He's not as bad as he seems, you know. " Anfisa said as the laughter subsided, her eyes falling to the ground as a small smile graced her lips. Despite her previous words, Anfisa knew Levi had a good heart, no matter what. </p><p>"well, just know Lydia would want you to be happy. It's okay to move on." giving Anfisa's shoulder one last squeeze, Davina stood up. "Is there anything you need help packing before I leave?"</p><p>"No, I think I would like to be alone for a bit. And Davina?" Anfisa paused looking up. "I think you should give this room to a new recruit. Thank you for keeping everything here, though."</p><p>With a small nod and tight smile, Davina turned and left the room.</p><p><em>Everyone seems to have moved on but me</em>, Anfisa thought to herself bitterly as her expression grew more grim in her solitude. She was alone, besides the ghosts and echoes of the past that sat alongside her in the room that used to be her home.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. New Beginnings and New Lovers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Edited 2/4/21</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>Dammit</em>, Levi thought to himself, annoyance and anger pulsing in his veins as he walked quickly through busy streets, shoving his way past the crowd on his horse.</p><p> Anfisa had been missing for hours, and a meeting with the nobles was supposed to start later that evening. After what had happened at Trost and the controversial military tribunal with an even more controversial outcome, the Survey Corp was under more scrutiny from the public than usually. Commander Erwin made it very clear that the Squad Supervisors were to attend the meeting and were to be on their best behavior in order to win over the favor of nobles. Nonetheless, Levi had given Anfisa permission to go back to her old barracks, hours away from the capitol. Levi had always found it hard to say no to her, a shortcoming of his as her Captain that she seemed to love exploiting. </p><p>  Levi walked into the Garrison barracks, making his way to the captain offices, stepping in without so much as a knock. Four faces looked up, equally confused at the intrusion of a Survey Corp Captain with a look of murder on his face. Even in the Garrison, Levi wasn't exactly known for his friendliness.</p><p>"Captain Levi, we weren't expecting-"</p><p>Cutting off the Garrison troop speaking, he turned to the one Levi believe was to share some blame: Captain Davina.</p><p>"Where is the Scout who has seems to of forgotten what branch of the military she belongs to?" Levi spoke, sarcasm seeping from his voice as he eyed Davina. He knew it wasn't exactly Captain Davina's fault, but Levi lacked interest in making friends or allies within the Garrison and he used sharp words to prove it.</p><p>"Has she not left yet?" Davina asked, a look of surprise on her face. Davina had left the room almost six hours earlier that morning, and when Davina left it seemed as if Anfisa had every intention of moving forward.</p><p>"I wouldn't be here if she had, would I?" Levi shot back, his voice seeping with annoyance.</p><p>"Right," Davina cleared her throat awkwardly, fearing for what would become of her friend's life with Levi's growing anger, "This way."</p><p>As they approached the door in which Anfisa's past self had lived behind, Davina turned to Levi.</p><p>"Captain Levi, from one captain to another, go easy on her."</p><p>"That will be up to me to decide." He spoke firmly, irritation growing in the pit of his stomach. It had been years since Levi had to clean up one of Anfisa's messes, and he had almost forgotten just how blind with anger she could make him. Not even most titans could inspire such fury in Levi.</p><p> As he stepped into the small room, he was just about ready to explode at Anfisa as she sat on the floor seemingly staring into nothing, her eyes completely blank of emotion, with a bottle of whiskey in her hand. She didn't even acknowledge him as Levi walked in. But as he noticed her cheeks were puffy with tears, his anger evaporated almost instantaneously. Levi had seen that expression before, from Scouts who had lost everything to those living in the Underground without a shed of hope to spare. It was a look of pure and utter harrowing sorrow, empty of any way out. </p><p>He sat down next to her, startling her out of her thoughts that had consumed her.</p><p>"...Levi? What are you doing- Oh, fuck! What time is it? I'm so-"</p><p> As she made a move to stand up, Levi placed his hand over hers in a rare show of affection. Her hand felt cold under his, making him all the more worried. Whatever angry and ill will he felt towards Anfisa earlier had been replaced with an overwhelming desire to comfort her.</p><p>"Tell me about her." his voice was quiet. He had always had his suspicions, all of which had already been confirmed no matter how hard she tried to hide it. However, he knew if he was to ever truly help Anfisa heal, he needed her willing trust.</p><p> This wasn't his burden to carry, but for some reason he couldn't live with himself if he didn't at least try to help her. Maybe it had been the desperation in her eyes when he first met her, a desperation he carried with himself ever since he watched Farlan and Isabel die. Either way, he had grown to care for her too much to turn his back on her now.</p><p>  As Anfisa's eyes met his, she grew scared. Not in the same way she feared titans, no that was instinct, purely driven by the need to survive. She was scared of Levi seeing right through her, knowing her flaws inside and out. In truth, even after all these years she had only exposed the truth to Nanaba, and that was only because she felt like she deserved an explanation to the well being of her former friend and cadet. As Anfisa pondered, she came to realize that Levi deserved so much more than the façade that she had maintained with the Scouts. He more than anyone had proven himself as someone who cared to Anfisa. Suddenly, it seemed as if all her fears melted away as he squeezed her hand in reassurance, making her heart skip a beat. </p><p>She pulled out the worn sheet of paper out of her breast pocket like she had countless times, showing Levi the drawing of Lydia that Davina had drawn so many years ago.</p><p>"Davina gave me this after my sister was killed after Wall Maria fell. They were in love." She spoke softly, her eyes grazing over her sister's soft features.</p><p>"I joined the Garrison because of her. When we were younger, we always suspected MPs had killed our grandfather, so it seemed like the only way to get any sort of justice was to join the Garrison like he had. When Maria fell, we were helping refugees evacuate and I watched as a titan ate her like it was nothing. " Anfisa shivered at the memory, her voice cracking. Her hand drifted up to her neck, her fingers playing with the ring around her neck anxiously. </p><p>Gently, Levi wrapped his cloak around her shoulders, pulling her into his arms with Anfisa resting her head on his shoulder. Levi couldn't help but notice how natural this felt with her, her body pressed against his own. If he had noticed as her tears spilled out and stained his cloak as she cried softly into his shoulder, He didn't seem to mind. </p><p>"She was incredibly selfless. While we had orders to fall back and save ourselves, Lydia refused to leave until she could save as many refugees as she possibly could. I remember pleading with her...begging her to fall back, but nothing could change her mind. Stubborn to the very end." Anfisa let out a small, sarcastic laugh as tears streamed down her face, taking a long swig of her drink as they separated, one comforting arm still wrapped around her. </p><p>"Looks like being stubborn runs in the family." Levi joked, earning him a shaky laugh. He hated seeing her like this. She was one of the strongest soliders he had ever known, and seeing her weakened was something that left him feeling unsettled, yearning to give her the comfort she needed, the comfort that he had failed to give to so many of his own lost loved ones.</p><p>She handed the bottle to Levi as he sat beside her on the cold wooden floor. He hesitated, but eventually accepted the drink, the bitterness warming his body.</p><p> Levi was lost for words. Consoling someone was always difficult for him, despite loss and grief being so prominent in the Scout Regiment. Death, no matter how close to the heart, never became easier.</p><p> "She was extremely brave, Anfisa. Know that those refugees she saved will get to live out the rest of their lives because of her. Her death was not in vain. " Levi finally spoke, his voice strong and clear as he wiped a tear off of Anfisas 's face with his thumb. Before he could pull away, Anfisa reached up, resting his hand on her cheek. His hands were warm against her cold skin, and somehow the simple reminder that Anfisa still had people living that she cared deeply about was comforting. As she held his palm against her face she never wanted to let go. </p><p>"I never told anyone because I didn't need anyone knowing just how weak I really am. Levi...I just stood there and watched. She could of lived. Her blood is on my hands." Anfisa spit out bitterly, her eyes growing cloudy like a storm as her hand began to shake. "When we first met, you told me I should join the Scouts instead of drinking my life away. Levi, I'm starting to think that this," Anfisa paused taking a long sip, "Is all I'm good for." Anfisa's words came out like a poison. </p><p> Those words pained Levi to hear, like a dagger to his chest. </p><p>"There will always be one's we wished we could of saved. You kept fighting. You could of given up, but you didn't." Levi responded, an intense blaze burning in his eyes that Anfisa had never seen before. In this moment, Levi was a far cry from the cold picture many painted him to be. He had lost countless friends and soldiers, and yet he refused to back down or give up on her.</p><p>"I'm sorry," Anifsa responded, her voice barely coming out as a whisper. </p><p>"You don't have to apologize, we still have time to make it to the meeting."</p><p>"Not for that. When you and Erwin came to me asking me to join the Scouts, I was angry and lost. Truth is, I was thinking about discharging from the military all together and do hell knows what. I was pissed that you asked me to join the Scouts, something with a purpose. I'm sorry." She grimaced at the memory. Even then, she hadn't told anyone she was planning on running. After all the death she had witnessed at Shiganshina, back then she didn't know how much more she was capable of handling. </p><p>"You may have called me a 'short bastard,' or something along those lines." Levi joked at the memory in the alleyway where he confronted Anfisa.</p><p>"Yeah well, out all the things I said I don't exactly take that one back." Anfisa joked, earning her a rare chuckle from Levi. Anfisa's heart skipped a beat at just the sound. She enjoyed seeing this side of Levi, a softer more gentle version of his usual cold composure. She had felt almost honored that he felt this comfortable around her, allowed Anfisa to see a side of him so few ever had.</p><p> Levi smiled softly. They sat in comfortable silence, giving Anfisa a chance to sober up and compose herself as she continued to rest her head on Levi's shoulder. She hadn't felt a sense of peace like this in years, and it seemed that rather than inspire her anger like he once had, Levi calmed her. Even after crying, Levi couldn't help but admire Anfisa, her eyes the exact shade of green as the trees he had grown to love, something he had been denied in the Underground. She was resilient like no other, a strength he appreciated. </p><p>  As Levi looked into her face, from her green eyes to the scar at her brow bone, to the freckles that spilled across her nose, he had a realization. He had never cared so deeply for anyone, and no one had ever consumed his mind like this. Levi was beginning to fall in love with her.</p><p> As Levi stood up, he pulled up Anfisa along with him gently. as their eyes met, Levi knew that Anfisa was beginning to feel the same way. Anfisa leaned in, pressing a quick kiss to Levi's mouth, pulling back even quicker.</p><p>"Sorry Levi, I had too much to drink, that was out of line-" before she could finish, Levi pulled Anfisa into his arms, their lips meeting again. After they finally parted, Levi planted a gently kiss to her forehead, holding her in his arms as he had always craved of doing. Anfisa's heart felt like it was about to jump out of her chest, pleasantly surprised at the turn of events as she struggled to catch her breathe.</p><p><em>It's okay to move on</em>, Davina's words echoed in Anfisa's head.</p><p>"Careful Levi, I might just start thinking you have a soft spot after all." She joked with a bright smile, lighting up her face as a sense of relief washed over her. </p><p>"Only for you." Levi whispered against her forehead as his lips rested on her head, enjoying the sensation of her in his arms. </p><p> Levi helped Anfisa pack a few more things as she was prepared to say goodbye to her past for good. As they worked together, they laughed at stories Anfisa recalled about her sister, stole kisses from one another, and held each other in silence until there was nothing else left to do but say goodbye to the room.</p><p><em> Goodbye Lydia,</em> Anfisa thought to herself as she opened the door. <em>I love you. Always and forever.</em></p><p> With her hand in Levi's warm calloused one, she shut the door one last time. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Stargazing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is kind of short, but I wanted a small happy moment before going into the Female Titan and Utgard Castle arcs. I hope you enjoy xxx</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>  As she twist and turned through the night, Anfisa knew that even the cold side of her pillow couldn't save her from her racing mind. No matter how much she tried to ignore it, her anxiety over the upcoming 57th mission beyond the wall kept her up into the odd hours of the night. She had spent weeks training the new recruits alongside Levi and some of the other veterans, but with their fates resting heavy in the palm of her hands it felt like she was drowning. They had just set up in an old castle as a temporary HQ for the mission, but those walls had yet to feel like a home for Anfisa making sleep an impossible endeavor. It didn't help that she never got a moment alone with Levi, never getting a chance to talk about what had happened at the Garrison barracks. If anything, he had seemed more like a stranger than ever before, making Anfisa suspicious that he had purposefully started avoiding her outside of professional settings. She couldn't blame him, though. She had after all been the one to kiss him first, dragging him down into a grave of her own making. </p><p> Sighing, she sat up, wincing as a beam of moonlight hit her eyes.</p><p> Pulling on her boots and wrapping herself in her worn cloak, she quietly wandered through the long wooden halls of the compound, going nowhere in particular as she tried to out run the invasive thoughts in her mind. As she heard whispers from the room housing the male cadets, she couldn't help but notice the door partially open, light and laughter filtering the otherwise quiet hallway. As she peaked in, she was met with the equally surprised and terrified expressions of the young cadets. Jean, Connie, Sasha, Christa, and Ymir were passing around a bottle with stolen rations, up way past their curfew.</p><p> The new recruits had only been living and training with the scouts for only a few weeks, but Anfisa felt as if their antics had already aged her ten years. Still, she couldn't blame them. It wasn't like her early years in the Garrison had been any less mischievous.</p><p>"Um... its... water?" Jean lied, fear in his eyes. Even he knew how stupid he sounded.</p><p>"Couldn't make up anything better, horse-face?" Connie chided.</p><p>Raising a palm in efforts to stop a fight before it even started, Anfisa calmly stepped in.</p><p>" I have no energy for punishing you guys. Your secret is safe with me as long as you go to sleep the second I leave this room. Sasha. Ymir. Christa. Don't make a habit of being in the boys' room past curfew. Or really, ever. And Jean-" She stopped for a second, confiscating the bottle, "maybe work on your lying skills if you're going to try to pull this kind of shit around here. You're lucky I'm not Captain Levi."</p><p> "Please, please, please, don't tell Captain Levi! He'll murder us-"</p><p> "Sasha," Anfisa spoke firmly, making eye contact with the borderline hysterical girl, "...Out. Also, stop stealing rations. The rest of you, go to bed. And clean up. It smells like a barn in here," making awkward eye contact with Jean, she continued. "No pun intended."</p><p> As Sasha and Anfisa stepped out into the hallway, Sasha threw her arms around Anfisa almost knocking the wind out of her as Ymir and Christa quickly left the crime scene.</p><p> "Thankyouthankyouthank-"</p><p> "You have five seconds to let go of me before I start regretting my decision. Go to bed. Now."</p><p> When Sasha was finally out of sight, Levi turned the corner and out of the shadows, where he had heard the whole interaction.</p><p> "You're too soft on them. If you keep letting their behavior slide, they'll keep being little shits." He spoke in a monotone voice, void of any emotion, making Anfisa jump as he walked up behind her.</p><p> "You need to stop sneaking up on me. Especially this early in the morning." Anfisa whispered back, rubbing her temples.</p><p>"Why are you awake at this hour? Planning on showing up hungover tomorrow morning?" Levi gestured to the confiscated bottle in her hand, raising a neither surprised nor approving eyebrow.</p><p>  "I'm awake for the same reason you are. I can't sleep," Anfisa shot back, not enjoying his criticism. Levi had been completely avoiding her, and yet didn't miss the opportunity to condemn her. It wasn't unlike him, but Anfisa was beginning to miss the softness he only chose to show to her. </p><p> "I'm going to the rooftop, if you could find it in yourself to join me," she spoke cautiously, but even then Levi could detect the annoyance in her demeanor. </p><p> "Lead the way." He spoke. Maybe Anfisa's eyes were playing tricks on her in the dark, but it seemed as if Levi's composure relaxed after her invitation, if only a little.</p><p> Despite it all, all Anfisa wanted was a moment of stillness with Levi, counting stars as they had done many times on sleepless nights like this over the past couple of years. those moments were precious to her, and she ached for them. Being vulnerable with Levi petrified her, and she had come to regret it as he grew colder every day.</p><p> Anfisa sat down on the rooftop, hanging her legs off the side of the building, letting out a relaxed sigh as the cool night breeze hit her face, calming her nerves. She couldn't help but take note of the lack of space between her and Levi as he sat down next to her. They sat in silence, but neither Anfisa and Levi minded. It felt comfortable, completely natural.</p><p> Finally Anfisa broke the silence as her eyes landed on one of her favorite constellations.</p><p>"Look," Anfisa pointed to a constellation in the sky. "That constellation kind of looks like a bear if you really use your imagination. My Grandfather told me that some long lost ancient society beyond the wall believed its the spirit of a beautiful woman. She was turned into stars after an affair she had with a god, who wanted to protect her from his wife. Apparently all the stars have forgotten stories."</p><p> Levi couldn't help but admire the way the night sky reflected in Anfisa's eyes, illuminating her whole face in silver as she smiled softly. There were no stars in the Underground, making them all the more beautiful as they danced on Anfisa's face. </p><p> Anfisa noticed Levi staring when she looked up. She let out a small embarrassed laugh.</p><p>"Although, I'm starting to think he made all the stories up. Apparently people from the past believed there was a god for nearly everything. From the skies, trees, and hell. At some point I don't even think he knew what he was talking about."</p><p>"Sounds less crazy than worshipping walls." Levi spoke, a faint smile gracing his face. He felt his heart skip a beat as his joke earned him a grin in return.</p><p> To put it simply, she was the most beautiful person Levi had ever laid eyes on. In those stolen moments, Levi couldn't help but wish they could last forever. He was fascinated with Anfisa, in a way he had never been fascinated before. He wanted to know more of her, be more for her. Hell, she made him want to be a better man just so he could be what she deserved.</p><p> Anfisa shivered as the wind picked up, her hair blowing in the wind gently as she pulled her cloak tighter around herself.</p><p> "You're going to catch a cold like this," Levi spoke with annoyance, pulling Anfisa into his chest and wrapping his strong arms around her, causing a shiver to run down her spine at the contact. </p><p> Anfisa's heart, mind, and body yearned for Levi in a way she had never yearned for another. While she used to swear that she hated every fiber of him, in reality he had taken all her lonely days and helped her feel sane again after the death of her sister. She didn't know where they were in the grand scheme of things, but she knew one thing. She wanted either all of Levi, or none of him.</p><p>  "Levi, you can't keep doing this. <em>We</em> can't keep doing this. I feel like I'm going to lose my mind." She inched away from him and his warm embrace, looking out back at the stars to avoid eye contact as she swallowed, shaking her head at disbelief with herself.</p><p>"Anfisa-"</p><p>" I've waited patiently for you for five years. You're all I want, Levi. But you.. you can't just kiss me and expect me to forget about it. Levi I-" Levi shushed her by placing a gentle yet firm kiss to her lips, resting his forehead against hers.</p><p>"I don't want you to forget. I sure as hell won't be able to. I need you to stay sane." Levi reached for her hand, kissing her knuckles as his mind searched for the words he needed to say what he felt.</p><p> "Hell, I don't even know what to call this," Levi let out a small, Ironic laugh. Levi used to refuse to love another like this. When loved ones passed like the fading sun constantly throughout his life, it almost seemed easier to just deny himself of that comfort. With Anfisa however, it was growing harder and harder to live by this rule.</p><p> Anfisa gave his hand a reassuring squeeze, meeting his eyes again.</p><p> "We don't have to call it anything as long as we agree that I'm yours, and you are mine." Anfisa spoke softly against his lips, her voice barely a whisper as she kissed him more deeply this time.</p><p> As they parted, Levi pulled her into his arms, enjoying the weight of her against his body.</p><p>"Can you make me a promise, Levi?" Anfisa spoke as she looked out, her eyes resting on the moon. Finally, she turned to look at Levi.</p><p>"Anything."</p><p>"Don't hide yourself from me. It will save the both of us a great deal of heartache."</p><p> This was the closest to a declaration of love Anfisa had ever came with anyone, and somehow she sensed Levi was no different.</p><p>"I promise," Levi whispered back, planting a reassuring kiss to her forehead.</p><p>They sat there, enjoying each other's warmth. Anfisa cuddled up to Levi and rested her head to his chest, feeling his chest rise and fall as he hummed quietly. As she listened to his calming heartbeat, never did she think that the stoic man that she once loathed would be hers and she his. She found comfort she desperately needed in this thought.</p><p>She knew they would spend many more nights counting the stars together.</p><hr/><p> Anfisa woke up at the first signs of sunlight. Sitting up, she watched Levi as he slept next to her. Life had thrown so much at the two of them from the moment that they had been born, but somehow seeing Levi's face in the morning made her feel safe.</p><p> As she watched Levi's chest rise and fall, she couldn't help but admire how at peace he looked, his body relaxed, hair in a cowlick, and mouth slightly gapped open. She leaned over, kissing his nose, lips, jawline, and forehead until his eyes fluttered open. It felt freeing to be able to kiss and hold Levi after craving his love for so, so long.</p><p> "Did we fall asleep here? What time is it?" his voice was raspier than usual.</p><p>"Probably around six in the morning. We should get back downstairs before others notice we're missing." Anfisa responded, her hand smoothing down Levi's hair, her fingers running through his neat undercut.</p><p>"You know, I mean to make a habit of falling asleep next to you," Levi spoke, sitting up next to her, kissing Anfisa's jaw. "Maybe just not on top of the roof," he concluded, rubbing a sore spot in his back.</p><p>"its funny, I think I slept better than I ever had in weeks. I suppose I have you to thank for that." Anfisa responded, leaning her head against Levi's shoulder as they watched the sun come up from beyond the clouds, painting the sky in brilliant oranges, yellows, and pinks against a blue canvas.</p><p>"Me too." Levi spoke against her cheek as he leaned in, giving her a peck. As an insomniac, Levi rarely slept. But with Anfisa by his side, it seemed to keep his nightmares and demons at bay.</p><p>"You know, you're not as scary as everyone makes you out to be, Captain Levi." Anfisa teased with a smile on her face as she stared into the eyes of her lover.</p><p>"I could still kick your ass, brat." He bantered back, trying his best to look serious but his sleepy eyes betrayed him, resulting in nothing but light laughter from Anfisa.</p><p>"Alright, Humanity's Strongest, time to go. I'm serious this time." Anfisa stood up.</p><p>"Don't call me that." Levi groaned, eventually standing up as well.</p><p>Taking both of his hands into hers, Anfisa spoke.</p><p>"I've never felt this way about anyone, Levi." her voice practically a whisper.</p><p>"Me neither."</p><p> With a final long kiss on the lips that had felt as if it were only a mere few seconds, the pair headed back to join the rest inside, an undeniable grin on Anfisa's face, and a rare relaxed expression on Levi's to match.</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. The Female Titan</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>edited 2/6/21</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> "Horse-face!! I just cleaned this room!!"</p><p>  As Anfisa turned the corner it took every fiber of her being to keep herself from bursting into a fit of laughter. As Eren had dutifully spent the afternoon clearing out one of the many rooms in the abandoned castle that Levi had assigned, Jean had just tracked mud into the room, sweat dripping from his brow to the floor after his recent sparring session with a veteran.</p><p>  "I told you to stop calling me that!" Jean yelled back, rolling up his sleeves in preparation for a punch. The rest of the young cadets eyes each other anxiously while Mikasa rolled her eyes. Sasha just shoved bread into her bag while the attention was nowhere near her.</p><p>  Anfisa almost wanted to just step back and watch as havoc unfolded. After all, she knew Eren's anguish a little too well. Even back in her days in the Garrison, new recruits were practically just a glorified cleaning service.</p><p>  As arguing erupted among the new recruits, Anfisa sighed, knowing that as their glorified babysitter she would have to step in eventually.</p><p> "Alright, calm down, you idiots. Captain Levi expects you out on the practice field in an hour, so feel free to tear each other to shreds then," Anfisa stepped into the room, feigning an expression of fake shock. "...Oh. Oh no. If Captain Levi sees this..." Shaking her head in mock disbelief and giving the room one more look-over as she stepped out, the room erupted into further chaos behind her.</p><p> When she made eye contact with Levi who stood at the end of the hall, she couldn't hide her grin or laughter anymore.</p><p> "You're evil. " Levi rolled his eyes, but even he couldn't hide a hints of a smile as his eyes twinkled with amusement, his facial expression and body relaxed as he leaned against the wall with his arms crossed. </p><p>  Making sure nobody was around, Anfisa quickly closed the space between them and pulled Levi in by the front of his shirt, giving him a playful kiss that she had been waiting all day for.</p><p>  "I learned from the best," Anfisa mumbled against his soft lips, still smiling as they parted. Levi placed his hand on her waist, pulling her in for a second kiss, letting go quickly as the pair heard footsteps in the distance.</p><p>"...The paperwork I asked you to do...."</p><p>"...I'll drop it off at your office before dinner.."</p><p> Anfisa bit down on her lips, trying to contain her laughter as Oluo walked passed them, seemingly clueless to the tender moments that transpired in those halls. This hadn't been their first close call. </p><p> "Anfisa we really should be more careful," Levi spoke in a low voice stoically. However, being more careful was the last thing on his mind.</p><p> "I know. But you have to admit, sneaking around is kind of fun." Anfisa spoke, a mischievous playfulness on her face. She couldn't lie, she enjoyed the adrenaline rush of their debauchery.</p><p> "We're lucky we haven't been caught yet. I don't want people to assume this is the only reason you rose the ranks so quickly." Levi spoke, more seriously this time, furrowing his brows slightly in concern. If anyone were to even suggest Anfisa hadn't earned her position, Levi was unsure if he would be able to hold in his anger. </p><p> "Well, It's a good thing that I don't believe in luck. It's also good that I don't care what others would think. You know I've never really been the one to worry about my reputation." Anfisa spoke, giving his hands a reassuring squeeze as she held them to her own as she stepped forward, their chests almost touching.</p><p> "Tsk. Of course I'm going to worry about you, brat. You're reckless. " Despite his statement, Levi couldn't help himself, pulling Anfisa in a second time to steal another kiss. They walls had eyes and ears, but in that moment Levi couldn't care less.</p><p> "...And that's exactly why you can't stay away from me," Anfisa teased as they parted ways. With a final glance over her shoulder and a teasing wink, Anfisa turned her back to Levi as she made her way down the hall as if nothing had transpired between the two lovers in the hallway.</p><p> Levi couldn't deny that, no matter how reckless at times, he had grown to be love Anfisa's fearlessness, addicted to the sense of carelessness it gave Levi when he was around her. When they were together, it was as if his worries would melt away, if only for a second. However, her fearlessness was like a double-edged sword. The way she would throw herself in the way of danger to save others, no matter how selfless of an act, made Levi feel agitated and toubled him, twisting his stomach into knots at just the thought of her tempting death. He had lost so many friends and soliders to the titans, and he didn't know how he would survive if Anfisa faced the same fate.</p><p> Levi especially couldn't help but worry for her safety with the 57th Expedition in just a few days. It would be the her first mission on his squad, and he knew there were very few others he could trust with Eren Yaeger's life. Nonetheless, Commander Erwin's plan filled him with a sense of anxiety he had never felt before, especially after Hange's damn titans were killed by someone who could be walking among them. Levi always could put his trust into Erwin's fail-safe plans, but this one was different, more risky than anything the Survey Corp had ever attempted to do in the name of humanity. With Anfisa in the picture, suddenly it felt like there was much more than just humanity on the line, and that was a tough merit to beat.</p><p> In a matter of years, Anfisa had become the most important person in his life, and that terrified him more than death itself.</p><hr/><p>  Anfisa stood on a massive tree branch, staring down at the captured titan alongside Olou, Petra, Eld and Gunther in silence. Anfisa had no clue that this would be the reason the other squad that was stationed to ride behind them would lay down their life, a thought that made her blood boil. Her friends and fellow soldiers lay down their lives for a plan that Commander Erwin and Levi had kept a secret, dying without knowing what exactly they were fighting as what appeared to be a Female Titan abnormal made an appearance, just like Commander Erwin had hoped. </p><p> As she looked at the confused faces of her friends, she knew they felt the same tension in the air. Eren certainly didn't help.</p><p> "...But to think you were also out of the loop-"</p><p> Anfisa watched as Petra's head snapped towards the boy, a defensive expression on her usually kind face. </p><p> "Are you trying to say the Commander and Captain don't trust us?"</p><p> "No..no..But-" Eren stuttered, cut off by Oluo who wouldn't have his loyalty questioned. </p><p>"Petra" Knock him a tooth or two out for me will ya!"</p><p>"Olou! That's enough. Leave him alone. Our job is to protect him, not threaten him." Anfisa interrupted, her brows furrowed in annoyance as she spoke for the first time the entire conversation. </p><p> "Oh, don't start with me Anfisa. You must of known. After all you and the Captain are exceptionally close." Olou spoke more calmly now, raising an eyebrow as his lips twisted knowingly. </p><p> "What are you implying?" Anfisa spit her words out aggressively, no longer caring to diffuse the tension Eren created. </p><p> "I'm not implying anything. Just saying what everyone in the Scouts has been thinking. There has to be some explanation as to why you're on the Levi Squad after only a few years after transferring from the Garrison. Some of us have been waiting longer, and still don't get the opportunities that you do." He shrugged nonchalantly, but his eyes confirmed Anfisa's suspicions. </p><p>Oluo knew everything. </p><p>"Captain Levi told me nothing. I know as much as you." Anfisa turned away gritting in beneath her teeth in order to expose any emotion in between words, looking back at the titan as Commander Erwin and Levi spoke on a branch above it.</p><p>"That's odd. Guess he doesn't trust you like he doesn't trust the rest of us." </p><p>Oluo's words stung, making Anfisa's heart pound. She remained quiet, ignoring his comment the best she could. Still, she worried there was truth in his painful words. </p><p><em> Did Levi even trust her?</em> Or did he trust her to the same extent that he trusted the backup squad, who were now dead? They had been used as pawns by Commander Erwin, and Anfisa refused to die in the same way, her blood rushing in her ears as she began to question her loyalty to Levi. </p><p><em>What if I'm just a meaningless distraction for him?</em> she thought to herself. No. There had to be a reasonable explanation. Levi was not that kind of man.</p><p>"...Only the survivors from five years ago knew. I suppose you didn't know Anfisa because you were apart of the Garrison when Maria fell and there was no way to be sure you weren't one of the titan shifters." Eld's calm voice of reason snapped Anfisa out of her consuming thoughts.</p><p>"..Or at least that's what I would like to think, anyway." Eld concluded, giving Anfisa a sympathetic look.</p><p>"That would make sense, " Anfisa cleared her throat awkwardly dropping the eyes of her comrades, zoning out for the rest of the conversation as she watched the titan from afar as Levi stood on her head, seemingly taunting her. Hange's plan was a brilliant one, but Anfisa couldn't help the feeling in the pit of her stomach that the real fight was just about to begin.</p><p> Suddenly, the titan let out a deafening screech, shaking the ground and trees as birds fled for the safety of the sky. At first, everything was quiet, Anfisa didn't dare even let out a breath as she stood paralyzed in fear. Suddenly, Anfisa's heart beat faster, adrenaline rushing through her veins as she heard the sound of loud stomping from the distance. </p><p> Levi looked up at her, his usual calm demeanor gone. This was not apart of the plan.</p><p> "Eren! Stay close to me. I have a bad feeling about this." Anfisa spoke dutifully, her body growing tense, ready for a fight as her entire mind focused on one sole mission: Keep Eren alive.</p><p>Like a flood, dozens of titans came in a wave, racing at full speed towards the Female Titan, devouring her as they surrounded the Scouts on every side. </p><p>"Let's go! We have orders to retreat!" Eld barked as Anfisa and the rest of her squad took off, Anfisa never once taking her eyes off of Eren. </p><p> As the flew through the trees, Anfisa finally felt her nerves settle. Flying like this always made her feel free, untethered from the world. She even managed to crack a smile as Eld, Oluo, and Petra teased one another, bickering despite the circumstances. As the trees cleared and sunlight shun more brightly through the thick canopy of trees, Anfisa was ignorant enough to believe they were safe. </p><p>Suddenly, it seemed as if their own had turned on them, someone using ODM gear to attack the Scouts as they retreated, slicing through Gunther without warning as he howled in pain.</p><p>"Gunther!" Anfisa screamed in shock as his lifeless body hung from the trees.</p><p> "We have to keep going!" Eld warned Anfisa. Reluctantly, Anfisa tore her eyes from Gunther's body as his eyes stared right back at her, swallowing back her tears.</p><p> Before they knew it, the Female Titan was hot on their tracks. </p><p> Anfisa turned to Eren who's eyes flooded with fear. Despite being a titan shifter and the most powerful weapon the Scouts had, in this moment Anfisa saw him for what he really was. He was a terrified boy who controlled an unbelievable amount of power.</p><p> Eren was their only hope if any of the Scouts were to make it out of the woods alive. </p><p> "Eren. Do what you think is best. Never stop trusting in your fellow Scouts." Anifsa spoke with a calm resolute. She refused to show here fear now, not to Eren and not to the titan that wouldn't hesitate to take her life.</p><p> He nodded in an attempt to conceal his growing fear, taking off towards Levi and the Female Titan. </p><p> As Anfisa and the rest of her squad raced for their lives, Anfisa watched in numbing horror as one by one her friends faced a similar fate to those lost five years ago at Wall Maria to the other two known titan shifters. As they battled the Female Titan, one by one her friends had the life stolen from them, cut short in a matter of seconds. Anfisa felt her body freeze up as she watched Petra, sweet Petra, kicked against a tree, the life leaving her eyes forever.</p><p> Anfisa's body took over, silencing the thoughts racing through her mind as Eld struggled to cut through the Female Titan's hardened skin. Before Anfisa could even move a muscle, the Female Titan crushed Eld in an ear-piercing crunch. Anfisa let out a blood-curdling scream as she grew blind with rage, propelling herself forward, aiming for the Female Titan's nape, her blades breaking on impact. She tried over an over again, dodging the titan's fists as they attempted to grab Anfisa until there was nothing left of her blades.</p><p> <em>What the hell?</em> Anfisa thought in horror as she was left defenseless, nothing but the nubs of her swords left. </p><p> Her air tanks began to sputter, but Anfisa refused to go down without a fight. This monster had cost her friend's their life, and she was dead set on avenging them no matter what it meant to her own survival. As she blasted of with the remaining gas in her tank she attempted to cut at the Female Titan's nape again. She felt herself be pulled back as the titan grabbed her by her ODM wires, swinging her into a nearby tree, knocking the wind out of her, immense pain shoot up and down her spine as she fell to the ground, her world growing black. </p><p><em> At least Eren is still alive,</em> she thought to herself faintly before everything went quiet. </p><p> Her mission was complete. </p><hr/><p> Anfisa woke up, Levi's strong arms around her waist as they galloped on a horse back towards the barracks. </p><p>  "...Levi..?" She croaked, no clue of where she was or how she got there. </p><p>  "Don't ever fucking scare me like that again." His voice was firm, expressionless.</p><p> As Anfisa weakly turned to look at him, she saw a single tear slide down his face. He had lost almost every member of his squad, and there was nothing he could of done to save them. Petra, Gunther, Eld, Olou were all dead in order to protect Eren Jeager, Levi's responsibility. They knew what they were fighting for, of course. Regardless, each one of their deaths was like a knife to Levi's chest, a scar that would never fade</p><p>  "Is Eren..?"</p><p>  "He's alive."</p><p>  Anfisa nodded, her head throbbing in pain as the memories of her lost friends flooded her brain. She had trained alongside them for years before even joining Squad Levi. She had grown to trust them, put her life in their hands as they put their own in Anfisa's. Now, Anfisa was the only survivor. If Anfisa struggled with Survivor's Guilt after Wall Maria, she would drown in it now. She could still feel Gunther's cold eyes on her, burning a hole right through her heart. </p><p> "...You... you didn't trust us." She spoke weakly as the taste of blood filling her mouth as she coughed, slipping back into sleep. </p><p> The next time she woke, she was in her own bed, Levi gently pressing a cold wet cloth to her forehead. his eyebrows were furrowed in worry, his eyes heavier than usual. Anfisa could tell he had been crying, mourning the lose of his friends. </p><p> "You're going to be alright." He spoke, his voice stoic. As Anfisa squinted, the candle light of the room overwhelming her, she couldn't fight anymore. </p><p> She couldn't fight the Female Titan, her friends dead in the process. She couldn't fight the anger the bloomed across her body, poisoning her mind and words.</p><p> sitting up, she shook off Levi's touch. </p><p> "Anfisa you need to rest-"</p><p>  "Go to hell." Anfisa spit out, staring daggers at Levi.</p><p>  "Excuse me?" Levi's expression grew surprised as pain twisted in his eyes. </p><p>  "How could you not trust me? Commander Erwin's plan... you knew all along didn't you? And you fucking pretended to be in the dark like the rest of us." Anfisa's whole body shook, both in anger and in agony. </p><p>  "The plan wouldn't of worked-"</p><p>  "Fuck the plan. The second group of Scouts, the ones who were stationed to ride behind us...they died without even knowing what they were laying their lives down for. Levi... I was willing to lay my life down for you and Erwin and I didn't even know for fucking what!" Anfisa didn't realize she had started yelling, angry tears forming in her eyes. </p><p> Levi sat in silence, his expression as unreadable as ever. </p><p>  "You know what were the last words Oluo said to me? He accused me of only being on your squad because I sleep with you. The funny thing is I can't even be mad at him because he's a dead man now. And even if he was right, sleeping my way to the top did me so much good, huh?" She let out an ironic laugh as she became painfully aware of her weak state, no control over the words that spilled out of her mouth. </p><p>  "I'm sorry. I should of done more as your Captain." His voice was quiet, pain in his eyes. </p><p>  "I don't need your apologies. I don't need anything from you, <em>Captain.</em> You owe me nothing." Anfisa spit out bitterly, her chest now a wildfire of pain and sorrow. </p><p> Levi nodded, leaving her room without a word. He paused while as his hand rested on the door handle before finally leaving with the bitter words still heavy in the air.</p><p>  "Fuck!" Anfisa yelled, as he shut the door. She felt helpless. Her friends were dead, and there was no reason for her to be sitting in her bed alive and breathing. She let out a loud sob, burying her head in her pillow in attempt to silence her brain and the screams of her friends she would never forget. </p><p> As Levi stood outside Anfisa's door, her sobs echoing in the halls, he could not find it in him to be angry at her coldness. She was after all in his mind, correct. He blamed himself for the deaths he saw on the mission, Petra's lifeless body smeared across a tree burned into his memory. He felt as if he had taken a dagger to the heart, every death of his fallen friends another stab to the chest.</p><p> He knew the day would come when he couldn't rationalize and balance his duties as Captain and his love for Anfisa. He just wished he could be there to hold her when it seemed like the sky had come crashing to the ground. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Castle Utgard Arc//Learning to Love Part One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>edited 2/6/21</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>  "So you and Levi..."</p><p>  "We are over now. I never told anyone, but I guess there's no harm in telling you now." Anfisa shrugged as if it didn't bother her despite feeling like she was coming undone at the seams. She took a long draw from the cigarette She and Nanaba shared as they sat on the bank of the river with their feet in the water. As the bitter smoke filled up her lungs, Anfisa battled back a cough. </p><p>  "You're never going to get used to that, huh?" Nanaba chuckled, clearing her throat as she eyed her friend playfully. "Well, I guess that explains how you've always acted around Levi. Nobody willingly spends that much time with him." </p><p> "He's not that bad," Anfisa spoke quietly, her eyes on the minnows that gently nipped at her feet as the water reflected the pale blue sky. </p><p> "Then why did you end it?" </p><p> Anfisa looked up at her friend, pondering her answer. </p><p> "Because trust is all we have. Petra, Eld, and the rest of Squad Levi deserved to know why they were risking their lives. I deserved to know. You deserved to know. I understand why he and Commander Erwin did what they did, but it doesn't mean I agree with it." She responded finally, her voice firm as she came to terms with her decision. This however, was only half the reason. Her real reason was more selfish. </p><p><em> It will hurt less this way if I lose him,</em> Anfisa thought to herself. After the death of her sister and so many of her close friends and Scouts, she refused to feel that pain again. Not with Levi. It would have the power to completely destroy her.</p><p> "Did you sleep with him?" Nanaba spoke, interrupting her thoughts. </p><p>  "Why does that matter now?" Anfisa snapped at her ridiculous question, her eyes growing wide in disbelief. </p><p>  Nanaba shrugged. "I don't know, I guess you can't drop something like that and not expect me to have my questions. But judging by your expression, I'm going to assume that you did." Nanaba chuckled, smoke coming out in a cloud from her nostrils as she sat against a tree as her feet rested in the water.</p><p>   "Nanaba! not the point!" Anfisa exclaimed, her cheeks growing red in mortification. </p><p> "Well. You can't dwell on the past. If anything," Nanaba's face lit up with amusement. "You have more time to enjoy yourself. Enough of the doom and gloom Captain Levi." In one swift motion, Nanaba lifted her hand and splashed frigid water on Anfisa, Nanaba laughing as Anfisa shot up to her feet, eyes growing wild. </p><p> "You bitch!" Anfisa sputtered in between her own laughs as she had already prepared her counter-attack. Anfisa jumped at her friend, landing both of them in the rushing water, laughing in between coughs as they surfaced for air. </p><p> "I only splashed you! This is a little dramatic." </p><p>  "Payback is a bitch!" Anfisa laughed whole-heartedly. After everything that had occurred with the Female Titan, this carefree moment was exactly what she needed to release the tension that had grown in her body and heart. Anfisa swam lazily staring up as the sun peaked through the treetops, carried by the current as Nanaba had already made her way back to the bank, drying herself off. </p><p>  "Nanaba?" Anfisa spoke, eyes on the sky as she floated.</p><p>   "Yes?"</p><p>  "Whatever happens on this next mission... we've lost so many Scouts-"</p><p>  "Wouldn't dream of it. Not until I have my revenge against you, at least," Nanaba replied with a grin. "Come on. training should be starting soon, and I have a feeling you don't want to show up in a soaking uniform."</p><p> With a groan, Anfisa swam back to the bank.</p><p>  "Yes, mother." Anfisa joked sarcastically, drying herself off with a cloak. </p><p>  "Keep talking like that and I'll find a way to make sure you end up with stable duty."</p><p> The pair made their way back to the barracks, joking and laughing all the way back with their arms linked together.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong>One Day Later</strong>
</p><p>"There has been a titan spotting in the Hermiha District!" </p><p> Anfisa dropped her fork, looking up at Nanaba who sat across from her, their eyes growing wide in disbelief. With a nod, Anfisa looked up at the messenger and the faces of disbelief around her. </p><p> "You heard him! On your feet now! Ready the horses!" She commanded to the cadets. </p><p> "What about ODM gear?" Sasha asked, fear in her eyes.</p><p>  "There's no time. We have to focus on protecting survivors and evacuating them to the inner walls. Sergeant Morgane, I'll leave you to it. I'll focus on delivering Eren to the frontlines with Hange." Levi spoke calmly, stepping into the mess hall. If he was worried, he didn't show it. </p><p>  As Anfisa made her way to the doorway, Levi stopped her, grabbing her by her forearm. Anfisa looked up at him for the first time in weeks, feeling her defenses grow weaker as their eyes met. She had grown to miss him more and more everyday, but she had been the one to end things- Anfisa couldn't undo the damage she had created, not now. Besides, this was what she needed to do to protect her heart from breaking in the future. </p><p> "I heard your orders, Captain. What else do you need?" She spoke fiercely, trying to mask her yearning with displeasure. </p><p> "You may hate me now, I don't blame you. But I have a bad feeling about this. Make me a promise." Levi's eyes were steady on her, not wavering even for a second.</p><p> Anfisa gulped, fighting the urge to wrap her arms around him, but she refused to show her fear. </p><p> "Yes?" She spoke curtly. </p><p> "Stay alive. Come back in one piece. Promise me." </p><p> "I don't plan on dying just yet. But not for you. For them." She eyed the cadets as panic began to spread among their ranks.</p><p> "So be it. One way or another, survive." Levi spoke, releasing her arm, his eyes showing the first signs of fear she had seen in him in the whole interaction, weakening Anfisa's composure. </p><p> "You don't have to worry about me, I promise." She spoke more softly this time. With a final nod, they parted ways, preparing for the danger that would ensue. </p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong>Three Hours After the Titan Spotting</strong>
</p><p>Anfisa had been riding for hours alongside Nanaba with some of the other veterans and new cadets, evacuating the few people that lived in the Southern region. So far, everything seemed rather peaceful, with few titans crossing their path so far which Nanaba and Anfisa easily took down.</p><p>"The Southern district is completely evacuated. What would you have us do?" Nanaba spoke calmly to Anfisa, determination in her eyes. Anfisa nodded silently. This had been her first time leading her own squad with so much on the line, and she was eternally grateful she had Nanaba by her side.</p><p> "Then our mission now is to help the South Squad. We need to find the breach as soon as possible." She responded, envious of her friend's calm composure despite everything. Even after all this time, the thought of titans threatening humanity within the walls sparked a fire of both fear and revenge in Anfisa, a lethal combination. </p><p> "You seem to forget we don't have ODM gear. Allow Christa and I to withdraw from the frontlines!" Ymir spoke, a look of disbelief and anger on her face. Ymir wasn't the most diligent Scout, but she was driven by a desire to protect Christa and would go to any lengths to do so on missions and in training- something Anfisa would always admire in her.</p><p>  "I cannot let you do that. I understand you are afraid, I'd be lying if I said I'm not. But the survival of the Walls is in our hands now. We are soldiers. We fight, no matter the odds. Do I make myself clear?" Anfisa spoke firmly, resolute in her own command. There was no turning back now.</p><p> Anfisa ignored the arguing that followed suit between Ymir and Christa, speeding up her horse as they galloped towards what had been their fate all along, the walls. </p><p> Night came quick after Anfisa and Nanaba's squad joined with the South Squad, bringing a sense of hope along with it. Anfisa never thought the sight of stars could ever bring her so much comfort as titans grew lethargic and less lethal. Despite this, Anfisa couldn't calm the sense of dread that overcame her. Neither squad had seen a breach in the walls, and this was a mystery that was more menacing than any monster they had encountered that day. </p><p> "What is that? Look, in the distance." Gelgar spoke, pointing to a tall figure in the dark. </p><p>  "It looks like an abandoned castle." Nanaba spoke cautiously. She had never heard of this castle, nor had she ever seen it on a map before. </p><p>  "Our horses are at their limit. So are the new recruits. With the titans asleep, we will rest there until the sun rises." Anfisa spoke vehemently to the two veterans, motioning for the recruits to follow. </p><p> As the scouts sat on the cold stone floor, there was no denying the tension in the air. Everyone shared the same worries- uncertain of what the night would hold, wondering if their friends and family had survived. The silence was unnerving despite the safety of the castle walls, the dangers of what the unknown may bring heavy in the air. </p><p> Anfisa was lost in thought, troubled with the sense of dread that consumed her. She was worried for the lives that had been placed in her hands, worried about surviving through the night, and worried about whether or not Levi was even alive or not. She should of bit back her tongue, kept her fury to herself. Just the thought of Levi in harms way made her heart ache, which she knew was silly. After all, it was Levi. Even the gods wouldn't dare cross him. </p><p> She shivered, not noticing how long she had been staring at the torch flicker with the slight draft in the tower.</p><p> "What's on your mind?" Nanba spoke nonchalantly as she sat down next to Anfisa, crossing her feet.</p><p>  "Everything about this feels wrong. It's like...It's like the calm before the storm. I don't trust it." Anfisa mumbled, struggling to find the words she needed to express the fear that twisted in her stomach, making her almost noxious. </p><p>  "We're safe, I promise. We'll leave four hours before sunrise. We should have enough light to find the breach and titans will still be at their weakest. Trust in your plan, Anfisa. As much as you hate Levi now, he knows a leader when he sees one." Nanaba spoke firmly as she squeezed Anfisa's hand, but even she shared her fears for the future to come. </p><p> "I could never truly hate him." Anfisa's voice was barely a whisper, barely even looking up at her friend. Without Levi she was lost, and now more than ever she wished he was by her side.</p><p> Before Nanaba could respond, Gelgar stepped out of a supply room connected to the tower room they had set up camp for the night, displaying a bottle for all to see as he inspected the label written in what looked to be a foreign language. </p><p> "You're not thinking about drinking it, are you?" One of the Scouts asked. </p><p> "At a time like this? Of course not." Gelgar scoffed, but the yearning in his eyes deceived him. </p><p> As the veterans joked and spoke among themselves, the faces of the young recruits were sullen, both in despair and in pure exhaustion. Connie looked especially defeated, and Ymir's teasing and sharp words didn't help his spirits either. Connie's whole village had vanished without even the smallest trace of blood, yet another mystery that Anfisa couldn't ignore.</p><p>"You recruits rest up. You will need your strength for the morning. Our job isn't done yet, and I need you to be as sharp as ever. I'll take the first watch." Anfisa stood up, speaking firmly to the recruits she had grown to cherish. The thought of any of them dying at such a young age...</p><p> She pushed the heart-retching thought out of her mind. </p>
<hr/><p>  Anfisa stood at the top of the tower in utter horror. The titans...they were supposed to be asleep. But as soon as the faintest moonlight peaked through the cloudy sky, dozens of titans charged towards the tower, descending upon Anfisa faster than she could process what to do. Subconsciously, Anfisa drew her swords as she ran down the tower steps to wake up the rest of the Scouts. </p><p> "All troops! Wake up now! get to the tower!" She yelled, startling awake the sleeping Souts with alarm in her voice. </p><p> It had almost felt like nothing more than a bad dream. But as the titans crashed towards the tower, reality became an undeniable nightmare. With a scream, Anfisa, Nanaba, Gelger and the other veterans jumped into action with their swords drawn and expressions grim. </p><p>At first, it seemed like they had everything under control as the veterans sliced through titans with ease and lethal accuracy. But after the titans broke through the tower doors, it seemed as if the universe had no more hope left to share with them as hell broke loose, determined to bring death with it. The titans kept coming, like a never ending flood of destruction. Anfisa had never been outnumbered like this before. </p><p> As she commanded recruits to barricade the entry points from the titans, she felt like she was sending them straight to their death, and herself along with them as her swords grew more dull by the second, her air tanks growing lighter. Anfisa functioned solely off of muscle memory, slashing and cutting the way she had been trained with Levi countless of times. This time, she wasn't looking for revenge. She was fighting for the survival of the cadets that were completely defenseless.</p><p> As boulders came flying along with a second wave of titans, this was no longer just fate testing them. This had become a strategic attack by an unknown enemy. </p><p> Nanaba landed beside Anfisa at the top of the tower, blood splattered across her face. </p><p> "I pushed Gelgar into the tower, he's badly injured. Do you have any gas left?" </p><p>  "I'm completely empty. I'm on my last blades too." Anfisa spoke, trying to mask the panic in her voice. The five of them had done everything in their power to defend the new recruits and their own lives, but it had become painfully clear: their minutes had grown limited. The day had finally come to lay their lives down for the Survey Corp. </p><p> "Then you stay here. Protect the recruits. I'll hold the titans off as long as I can." Nanaba declared, resolved determination in her eyes as she wiped sweat from her brow. </p><p> "You can't do that alone! I'm fighting by your side until the very end!" Anfisa protested, no longer hiding her fear. She would not allow her friend sacrifice herself just yet. </p><p> "You can't fight without working ODM gear. Besides, if I die I want to at least look badass doing it." Nanaba tried to reassure her friend, but the tears growing in her eyes betrayed her. </p><p> "No. No! I can't have you die too, " Anfisa was now yelling, but she didn't care. </p><p> Nanaba drew Anfisa towards her, planting a shaky kiss on her forehead, her tears cold on Anfisa's skin. </p><p> "Protect those damn kids. You're their only hope. Light a cigarette for me when you get a chance," before Anfisa could stop her, Nanaba had already taken off, jumping straight towards the titans. </p><p> "Dedicate your heart, Nanaba," Anfisa whispered, her voice quiet against the wind.</p><p> Anfisa stood in shock as Nanaba's shrieks of pain followed soon after. Anfisa's blood ran cold at the deafening, horrid sound. With trembling hands, she lifted her remaining swords. Anfisa raced over to her two dead friends killed by boulders, her eyes stinging as she leaned over, reaching for their gas tanks. One of the tanks wasn't completely empty. Her odds were slim, but at least she could take a few more titans down and defend the tower.</p><p>"I'm so sorry, Lynne." She spoke as her voice shook, reaching over to squeeze her bloodied hand. "Your sacrifice will never be forgotten."</p><p>Anfisa turned to the recruits, her expression growing cold.</p><p> "Whatever you do, survive. Barricade yourselves in the tower, I'll try to draw them as far away as I can." Anfisa knew it was stupid, but she was all out of plans. At least this way she could guarantee they would have a few more moments to come to terms with their inescapable fate. Maybe, just maybe, this could bring a shed of peace, a chance to say goodbye when so many scouts never got the chance- Anfisa never got a chance to say goodbye to Lydia, and now Levi.</p>
<hr/><p>As Anfisa stared up at the titan's bulging milky eyes, somehow all her previous fear melted away despite her impeding faith. She tried to breathe, but as its hand gripped around her midsection, crushing her organs and lungs, all she could do was spit out blood. Anfisa raised her sword, worn down to the nub. It seemed like everything was quiet but the pounding of a distant drum.</p><p><em>Where was that sound even coming from?  </em>She thought, as the realization dawned on her. It was the sound of her blood pounding in her ears, her pulse growing weaker by the second.</p><p> There was no use fighting. Her air tanks were now completely empty, and all she had left of her swords were useless. None of that even mattered when she couldn't even escape the grip that was growing tighter. The titan started to raise her into the air towards his wide-open mouth and finally reality came crashing, horror and alarm building inside Anfisa. She wanted to scream, but no sound came out. </p><p><em>I'm so sorry, Levi. I broke my promise,</em> Anfisa thought bitterly. There was so much left to say, and some of her last words with Levi would be an argument she had regretted dearly. </p><p> She never even got to tell him she loved him, that he was her home. The world had been cruel, but this cruelty was of her own making.</p><p>  Anfisa swallowed back her screams. This was truly the end. Anfisa lifted up the remnants of her dull blade. If she was going to die, she would do so on her own terms. Anfisa refused to face the same fate so many of her loved ones faced.</p><p><em> Nanaba didn't sacrifice her life for me to become titan food,</em> Anfisa contemplated. As she lifted the blade up to her throat with a heavy arm, the reflection of Utgard Tower caught her eye, the terrified faces of Ymir, Historia, Connie, and the other new recruits staring back at her. </p><p>  Nanaba's final words echoed in her mind. </p><p>
  <em>  Protect those damn kids.</em>
</p><p><em> No.</em> They could not see her die like this. If Anfisa still had a chance to fight for their lives, she was sure as hell going to take it.</p><p> She waited for the right moment, fear threatening to bubble over every excruciating second as she made her way closer and closer to the titan's snapping jaw, its yellow teeth gnawing in anticipation. Finally, with all the strength her broken body could muster, she slashed at its eyes, letting out a scream that had been building in her chest as its grip around her weakened. Like she had predicted, it grabbed for its eyes, dropping Anfisa. </p><p> While her plan had worked, she didn't think it this far through. She let out a hysterical laugh as the ground grew closer and closer, air whipping through her body like a feather to the wind. She had only slain two titans with the remaining air in Lynn's tank, and countless more still surrounded the tower. Anfisa clenched her jaw and eyes shut, bracing for the impact that would be the end of her life. All she could picture was Levi's face, a sense of calm overcoming her. If this was to be the last face she pictured, it was almost poetic. </p><p> Anfisa's eyes shot open, excruciating pain shooting up and down her legs like it was on fire. She looked down at the ODM gear that had cut through her skin and muscle and buried itself into her thigh, blood drenching through the fabric as an arm caught her by her shoulders. </p><p> "Sorry about that, Anfisa. It's the only way I could catch you in time. I don't think Levi would ever forgive me if I let you die." Anfisa had never heard a more comforting sound than Hange's familiar voice in that moment. </p><p> "Hange..? The cadets?"</p><p> "They're safe, thanks to you. You did well. You all did." Hange's face grew grim as the loss of their friends dawned at them.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Castle Utgard Arc//Learning to Love Part Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Edited 2/6/21</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> Anfisa barely slept anymore. She barely ate. She could barely get out of bed, and taking care of herself barely crossed her mind as she still wore her bloodied uniform days after returning from Castle Utgard. Even if she wanted to clean herself up, she was too injured to move on her own. She had barely spoken a word at all since they returned to the barracks a week prior, even when Hange and Levi came in for an official report when they had returned with Eren from the Forest of Great Trees after he had been almost kidnapped. Usually, Anfisa would be enraged about sitting out on a fight. Now, she didn't feel anything at all.</p><p> "..The Beast Titan... It seemed like the attack had been strategic." Anfisa's words trailed, detached from the world.</p><p>"..And Nanaba...?" Hange spoke gently, Levi standing solemnly at the end of the bed.</p><p>"She died right after Gelgar. She sacrificed herself for the cadets." Anfisa spoke curtly, staring out the window at the clouds that passed by, her eyes empty of any emotion.</p><p>"And you...?"</p><p>"I was already out of air. But I...borrowed an air tank that had some air left. It didn't go as planned. " Anfisa swallowed as she stared down at her bandaged body as she imagined Lynne's face, smashed by the shower of boulders that killed her on impact. It felt like she had been practically stealing from Lynne's dead body before it had even gone could, something that brought her more pain than the gash in her leg from Hange's ODM gear. </p><p> Levi had never felt more useless than he had in that moment. He should of been there. The Scouts had been dealt a deadly blow, and instead he was babysitting a manic priest. Levi didn't even hear of Anfisa's condition until he reached the walls as the Colossal and Armored Titans revealed themselves to be Reiner and Berthholdt only mere hours after Anfisa had risked her life to protect them. He should of been there to fight alongside Anfisa, to protect her, and yet even now he couldn't help her.</p><p> She stared up at her ceiling, her eyes empty of any sort of emotion. She felt nothing, growing completely numb to the world around her. In the past few months, so many veterans had been wiped out like flies, including Nanaba. Anfisa had spent years earning their trust, and in turn giving her own. Now, it all seemed so meaningless- there was nothing she cold do to undo the horrors that had taken their lives, something that brought her immense guilt in her own survival.</p><p> "Alright," Hange spoke as they rubbed their temples in exhaustion, eye bags forming after many lost nights of sleep. "We still have more reports to file with the recruits. We should start by figuring out if anyone knows anything about the three titan shifters. " Hange spoke to Levi, making their way to the door.</p><p> Levi lingered in the doorway as Hange left, unsure of what to say, what to do, or if his presence was even invited. As he finally turned to leave, Anfisa's broke the silence in a quiet, pained rasp.</p><p> "Levi? Can you do me a favor?"</p><p> "Yes?"</p><p> "I...I haven't been able to change in days. I'm still in my uniform from the mission," an involuntary shiver ran down her spine as she eyed a blood stain on her shirt. "I feel disgusting." Anfisa's voice cracked. She didn't want to imagine who's blood that was. </p><p> "Here," Levi spoke quietly, his expression softening as he opened her dresser drawer, pulling out a clean set of clothing. He gently lifted up her dirty shirt over her shoulders, carful not to hurt her. Anfisa's body was blue with bruises where the titan gripped her, her thigh covered in stiches. Ripples of anger pulsed through Levi's body, clouding his mind with the desire for nothing but to cause the Beast Titan the same pain he had caused. Even if the Beast Titan wasn't the titan that directly harmed Anfisa, it was an anomaly that had caused nothing but loss to those defending Castle Utgard, with Anfisa at the frontlines. </p><p> "I've always thought scars are sexy." Anfisa joked sheepishly, trying to cover up the pain in her facial expression as she caught her own reflection in her mirror across the room. Anfisa had never been one to feel self-conscious, but as she stared at the dark bruises that covered her entire stomach and leg, she felt like she looked like a monster- a thought that made her feel selfish. Bruises and scars would fade, but Nanaba would never come back to life. </p><p> As Levi studied the waves of emotion on Anisa's face, he didn't need to read her mind to know exactly what she was thinking.</p><p> He placed a hand to her cheek as he sat down beside her, placing a kiss to her forehead. It had been the first time they had touched each other in weeks in a tender moment, and Levi couldn't come to describe the sense of relief that come over him the moment his lips were on her skin. He had almost expected her to pull away after their bitter argument and cold words. Instead, she leaned into his touch, the argument temporarily forgotten as they found comfort in each other's touch.</p><p> "Can you do me another favor?" Anfisa spoke, her hand shaking as she placed her hand over Levi's, still cradling her face in his palm, his skin warm against hers.</p><p> "Anything."</p><p>  "Can you help me walk? I'd like to get fresh air by the river." Anfisa dropped his hand, looking away. Her face was emotionless despite the tears that began to stream down her face. This had been the first time she let herself cry since Nanaba's death.</p><p> Without a word or question, Levi helped Anfisa stand up, wrapping a strong arm around her waist as she placed a hand at his neck, bracing her weight against his body. </p><p> "Thank you." Anfisa spoke weakly. With Levi's arm around her she almost dared to feel safe. </p><p> They walked to the riverside in silence, Levi catching Anfisa every once in a while as she stumbled. The sky was clear, the sun brilliant as it warmed their skin, almost making Anfisa feel alive again. </p><p> "It's right past this clearing," Anfisa pointed as they walked down the path that had practically became a religious part of Anfisa's life. This time however, Nanaba wasn't there to link her arm with Anfisa's, She was no longer there to help Anfisa escape the nightmare that had been their lives ever since Wall Maria. </p><p> Levi helped Anfisa sit down as Anfisa stared at Nanaba's shoe print that had yet to melt away in the dried mud.</p><p> "Take off your shoes."</p><p> "What?"</p><p> "Just do it. If you don't you're doing it all wrong." Anfisa spoke stubbornly as she unlaced her boots, cuffing her pants up to her knees. She dipped her feet into the crisp water, letting out a sigh of relief. The water had grown colder, winter just a few months away. Silently, Levi did the same. </p><p> "We would come here almost everyday," Anfisa spoke as she lit a match she had pulled out of her pockets, bringing it up to the cigarette in between her lips. "These were Nanaba's. If you're going to tell me it's bad for my health, don't bother. I promised Nanaba I would smoke one last one for her. " Anfisa mumbled, smoke coming out of her nostrils in a cloud, filling the air with a familiar ashy bitterness. </p><p> "It's beautiful here." Levi responded, his reflection in the water growing grim. The world remained cruel and unforgiving, and yet there was so much beauty in it- Anfisa reminded him this in more ways than just one.</p><p>  "It's where we first met," Anfisa smiled sadly. "But she came here for years before we met. Its sacred in that way." She finished her cigarette, putting it out against an ash stained stone. She leaned over towards the water, her reflection breaking as she splashed the cold water on her face, waking her senses.</p><p>  As she finished up, Anfisa was surprised as she looked over at Levi, tears freely streaming down his face as he made no attempt to hide it, his grey eyes cloudy like a brewing storm. </p><p>  "When Petra died, I cut off the wings of freedom from her jacket. I gave it to Ivan's friend, lying and saying it had been his after we dumped Ivan's body from the carts." Levi spoke, his voice harrowing with pain. Anfisa's chest twisted in pain, yearning for nothing but to hold Levi, to comfort him and tell him everything would be alright. But Anfisa knew it was too late to promise that they would be safe. Everyday grew more and more dangerous, their fates on a thread.  </p><p>  "You gave him comfort, a reason to keep fighting. That's what you had to do as Captain." Anfisa's voice cracked as she spoke. As much as others believed Levi to be heartless, he cared and loved his soldiers more than what was fathomable. He carried the body weight of all their deaths on his shoulders, crushing his soul underneath. Anfisa saw him for who he really was- while he could of let pain consume him, he continued to fight for those who couldn't, continued to fight for the memories of those he lost.</p><p>  "I'm sorry. Nanaba should be alive right now, they all should be, I'm so sorry-" Levi let out a deep guttural sob, breaking down for the first time ever in front of Anfisa. She wrapped her arms around him as Levi cried into her chest. There had been countless occasions in which Levi had lent Anfisa his strength and compassion. The time had come for her to return the favor.</p><p> Anfisa cupped Levi's face in her hands, her thumbs wiping away his tears as she planted a kiss to his forehead. </p><p> "You did everything you could. Their deaths all had meaning because of you."</p><p> "After the Female Titan, I can't blame you-"</p><p> "Forget what I said. Levi... I thought pushing you away made things easier. I thought... I thought it would make losing you less painful if anything were to happen to either of us. But I'm the one that was lost without you, Levi. I need you. Levi, I love you.." Anfisa gulped as her confession came out like a torrent, but she could no longer hold back. Whether Levi loved her back or not, it didn't matter. Anfisa refused to die with regrets, she refused to die without Levi knowing that he was her world.</p><p> "Levi, you're my home. I can't live without you." Anfisa spoke more firmly as she pressed her forehead against Levi's, looking into his surprised eyes. </p><p> Levi's silence was beginning to petrify Anfisa. Suddenly Levi wrapped her in his arms, kissing her deeply, more hungry than ever before for Anfisa's touch.</p><p> "I love you, I love you, I love you," He mumbled longingly over and over again against her lips, her neck, her forehead, and her cheeks as he showered her with the kisses he had yearned to place on her skin for the past few weeks. </p><p> Hours had passed, the sun sinking in the sky, setting the sky ablaze in rich oranges and pinks. Anfisa's head rested in Levi's lap as they listened to the rushing river in silence. As she looked up at Levi while his fingers played with her hair, she felt at peace for the first time in weeks. His grey eyes reflected the sun as his entire face was painted in golden light, his black hair gently blowing in the breeze. Even from this angle, he was the most beautiful man she had ever seen.  </p><p> "Levi?"</p><p> "Hmm?"</p><p> "When this is all over, what do you plan on doing?"</p><p> Levi shrugged, looking down at Anfisa as their eyes met. She looked ethereal, curiosity and love written in her face as her eyes grew wide in wonder. </p><p>  "I don't know, I've never really had time to think about it. Open a tea shop, maybe." Levi spoke, admitting his dream for the future for the first time aloud to another person. </p><p> " A tea shop. That would be lovely," Anfisa smiled gently, deep in thought as she lifted a finger, tracing Levi's sharp jaw. </p><p>  "And you?"  Levi spoke, catching her hand as he lifted it to his lips, kissing her knuckles.</p><p>  "Wherever you go I'll follow, Levi. Even to the edge of the world." She grinned as she sat up, stealing another kiss from Levi. </p><p> </p><p>   </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Missing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>  Levi cherished mornings like this. He of course had been awake for hours, but he didn't mind lying still as Anfisa slept with her head on his chest, a peaceful expression on her face as he listened to her breathing, a reminder of everything they had survived everything life had thrown at them. He gently leaned over, kissing her forehead, her eyelids fluttering open.</p><p>"Good morning," She yawned, a lazy smile spread across her face, her fingertips gently grazing over Levi's toned body. Usually, Anfisa would of refused help from anyone in her recovery. And yet here she was every morning, with Levi by her side. </p><p> Levi simply smiled in response. "We've slept through practice. And by slept through, I mean you kept me captive here." Levi teased as Anfisa rolled her eyes.</p><p> "Well, good thing I'm perfectly ready for the next Scouting mission." Anfisa spoke cautiously, knowing exactly the reaction her declaration would elicit from Levi. </p><p> Levi let out an annoyed sigh. This argument had gone on for hours last night, and Anfisa's stubbornness continued to be relentless. </p><p> </p><p></p><div class="">
  <p> “You’re not going.” Levi spoke firmly. In that moment, he was her Captain, despite being in his lover's bed. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p> “Yes. I am. You can’t stop me.” Anfisa spoke as she sat up with great effort,  looking down at Levi as early morning sunlight filtered through his paper-thin curtains.</p>
  <p>  After Castle Utgard, Erwin had formed a small group to scout out the few remaining titans in the Southern districts before allowing those who belong to the lands to return. Anfisa refused to sit out of a fight, and Levi knew an argument like this could go on until the end of time. As Anfisa rested safely by his side in bed, he refused to run the risk of ever losing her. With the Colossal and Armored Titans still on the loose after kidnapping Ymir, there was too much on the line with Anfisa still recovering from her previous injuries. </p>
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  <p> “How are you supposed to fight a titan if you can’t even get out of bed on your own?” </p>
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  <p> “I’ll have my ODM gear. I'll manage.” Anfisa furrowed her brows, determined to go on the upcoming mission.</p>
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  <p> “Anfisa, you have to rest. As your Captain, that's final. Don’t be a brat about it. Your job is to focus on healing so you're ready when we go to the capitol.” Levi spoke firmly.</p>
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  <p>“I can’t just sit here and do nothing! I’ll be damned if the titans that did this to me kill anyone else anyone else.”</p>
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  <p> Levi sighed, taking her warm hand in his as he brought her hand to his lips.</p>
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  <p> “This isn’t just about the titan, is it?” Levi questioned gently, seeing straight through Anfisa as he sat up next to her, wrapping an arm around her bare shoulders and pulling her into his chest. Despite their argument, Anfisa didn't resist his touch.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p> “I.. I know its stupid. There will never be a scenario in the world in which I would have to save you, but I  can’t help but worry. I just feel so useless laying here while you and everyone else go put your lives on the line!” She groaned in annoyance. Anfisa fell back into a laying position, her hair cascading across the pillow as she looked up at Levi.</p>
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  <p> “You’re not useless. You are focusing on recovering so you can make use of yourself on future missions. If you really want to do something, I have a stack of paperwork with your name on it.” Levi replied, a small smirk on his lips.</p>
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  <p> Anfisa looked up at him with a look of  disgust. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p> “Your pillow talk sucks. I guess it beats counting ceiling tiles, which by the way seems like the only thing I do these days.”</p>
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  <p> Levi raised an eyebrow at Anfisa, before laying down beside her and pulling her back on top of him, careful to not harm her injuries. “We can count ceiling tiles together until I leave if that makes you feel any better.” Levi joked, trying his best to raise his lover's spirits. </p>
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  <p> “Very funny.” Anfisa rolled her eyes. Still, she didn’t resist, carefully cuddling up next to Levi. </p>
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  <p> “Levi if you die, you know I’ll be pissed at you, right? Don’t even think about it.” </p>
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  <p> “For you? Wouldn’t even dare.” </p>
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  <p> “Good. Keep it that way. And take this. If I never get it back...” Anfisa spoke and unclasping the chain that held her sister's ring from around her neck and hanging it around Levi's instead. "Then death would be a mercy."</p>
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  <p> Levi chuckled in response, pulling her in closer and pressing a warm kiss to her lips. </p>
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  <hr/>
</div><div class="">
  <p>  It had been three days since a few small squads of Scouts had gone on the mission, and Anfisa was finally on her feet walking again. It was meant to be a short mission, and Anfisa spent most of her days waiting in the mess hall with the few other Scouts that had stayed behind. Most of them were like Anfisa, injured. The mess hall had grown quieter these days, no longer filled with laughter and conversation as the voices of the dead veterans from the previous two missions echoed through the halls of the barracks. Anfisa anxiously counted down the seconds, minutes, and hours until the Scouts' returned, biting her nails down until her fingers were raw.</p>
  <p> On the third day, Hange's squad returned, wounded flooded the room as the distinct scent of death followed. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Hange!” Anfisa exclaimed her eyes growing wide with horror as she looked up from her tea. “You’re hurt. Let me see.” Anfisa helped Hange sit down, taking in their injuries. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I think I broke a rib, but nothing serious. A good drink and a day’s rest and I’ll be back on my feet.” hange groaned, lying between their teeth. </p>
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  <p>Anfisa smiled sympathetically. “Maybe two good drinks. But I’m more than confident you’ll recover by the week's end.”</p>
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  <p> Anfisa Looked up as her hand rested on Hange's shoulder, realization hitting her like a hammer to her temple. Levi was missing along with Mikasa and Eren and a few other veterans, the rest of his young squad entering the room with sullen expressions of defeat on their faces.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“...Where’s Captain Levi? and some of the cadets, where are-” Anfisa stopped talking as Hange’s face grew grim. Anfisa felt like the air had been stolen from her lungs, suffocating under the burden of a reality she couldn't live with. Time slowed as her eyes darted back and forth over the faces of the Scouts in the mess hall, searching for the face that had been her whole world. </p>
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  <p>“Hange. Tell me that Levi is alive. Commander Erwin! Where are-” Hange grabbed Anfisa’s hand, squeezing it so hard Anfisa's knuckles went white and finger tips numb. </p>
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  <p>“Anfisa listen to me very, very carefully. We got separated from them. We have no clue where they are. There were so many more titans than we originally thought. they broke through our formation, we had to retreat-"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“So...so they’re dead?” Anfisa voice trembled as she shook her head in disbelief, her eyes growing glassy. “No. that cannot be possible, you know Levi better than anyone else-”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Anfisa! Listen to me! We have no clue if they are dead or alive. For now, we better hope they are on their way back.” Hange spoke urgently, trying to put on their most convincing and comforting act.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>  In truth, Hange felt hopeless. After the Female Titan, Castle Utgard, the attempt to kidnap Eren, and Commander Erwin's injuries another failed mission was the last thing the Scouts could handle. Morale was already low, their survival always on the threads with fate. Hange refused to believe Levi was in danger.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p> “Like you said yourself. It’s Levi. He probably stayed behind in order to take care of the rest of the titans. You know how he is.” Hange concluded, squeezing Anfisa’s hand reassuringly before dropping it. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>  Anfisa bite down on her lip, shaking her head in agreement. Quickly, Anfisa composed herself, her face void of emotion or worry and replaced with one of order and determination. She knew she had to remain strong and composed in front of the other Scouts, especially the younger recruits. Hange was right. There was no reason to spread worry among the ranks of the Scouts, especially when morale was almost all they had left.</p>
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  <hr/>
</div><div class="">
  <p>  Six days.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>  It had been six days since Levi and the others had gone missing.</p>
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  <p> Anfisa tried her best to keep herself composed and remain useful. She helped in any way she could, tending to the injured, keeping company with those in the infirmary, and reassuring the new cadets that their friends were alive and well.</p>
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  <p><em>They are too young for this,</em> she thought to herself bitterly as she watched as Connie, Jean, and Sasha comforted each other from a distance.</p>
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  <p>  Loss was the venom of joining the Survey Corp, the death and guilt always lingering uninvited, no matter what. Mission after mission, it never became easier- after everything Anfisa had lost, she never slept unless Levi was at her side whispering sweet nothings into her ear until she finally gave in to slumber. The Survey Corp was still reeling after the lives taken by the Female Titan as well as the deaths at Utgard Castle just weeks earlier. If Humanity's Strongest had suffered the same fate, what hope did the rest of them have at survival? After Nanaba's death, Anfisa didn't know if she could continue fighting if Levi's life had been stolen from her too early as well. </p>
  <p><em> I guess you have to keep going, keep fighting so the sacrifice of the one's we lose are not in vain. </em>Nanaba's advice kept repeating itself in Anfisa's head. Anfisa was frozen in place as she stared at Connie, Jean and Sasha, Nanaba's comforting laughter ringing in her ears. She shivered, waking herself from her trance. </p>
  <p> She had to keep fighting, Anfisa decided. For the memories of those lost. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p> Late at night, when everyone was asleep in order to not raise any suspicions, Anfisa would sneak into Levi’s room. She made sure it was spotless, not a speck of dust on any surface, not a book facing the wrong way on his bookshelf. As she tossed wood into his small furnace, illuminating the room in a soft glow, Anfisa finally felt like she could release the breath she had been holding in since his disappearance. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p><em> Wouldn’t want Levi coming back to a dirty room</em>, she thought to herself.  After her ritual of anxious cleaning, she would try to sleep in his bed, one of his shirts balled up in her hands as she wore it. Somehow, she felt less alone this way. It was the only way she stood a chance at falling asleep, a whisper of him near her heart<strong>.</strong></p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>  However, on the sixth night her ritual seemed to be failing. As she stared at the dancing flames flickering in the furnace, with a sigh Anfisa sat up in Levi’s bed, looking around the quiet room where only shadows kept her company. She stood up ignoring the pain shooting through her body and made her way to the kitchen.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Can’t sleep?” Armin asked from his seat masked by the darkness, making Anfisa jump. Armin sat with a large book in front of him, the pages worn from the years. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” he spoke quietly. As Anfisa took in Armin's sullen expression, she couldn’t help but feel her heart break. While he was a solider, Armin after all, was just a kid. A kid who had no clue whether his two best friends were dead or alive. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Don’t worry about it. here, let me make you some tea,” Anfisa mustered the most reassuring smile as she could, quickly busying her hands with the tea kettle and lighting the stove.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Just don’t tell Captain Levi when he returns, he keeps chamomile hidden from the rest of us.” She joked as she searched through the pantry, quickly regretting it once she realized the weight of her words. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p><em>When he returns. </em>She felt her throat constrict at the thought, unable to breath or think.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Your secret is safe with me.” Armin responded quietly, trying his best to match her reassuring smile as best as he could, pain wavering in his eyes.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p> She set down her steaming cup and handed Armin his, sitting down next to him. The aroma of chamomile filled the air, a familiar scent that never failed to ease Anfisa's nerves. She reached to fiddle with the ring at her neck, awkwardly dropping her hand out of habit once she realized it was no longer on her neck.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p> Armin had always been her favorite new recruit, always respectful and inquisitive. Even if he wasn’t the strongest or fastest, he was the most compassionate and smartest, and that went a long, long way. Anfisa knew his mind held many secrets and truths of the world, which only made him more valuable to the Survey Corp.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I used to be terrified of you,” Armin spoke awkwardly as he tried to spark conversation, unsure of whether what he said would be seen as offensive or not. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p> Anfisa couldn’t help but let out a laugh for the first time in days. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Is that so? If anything I feel like I’ve always been too soft on you guys. That's what Levi thinks, anyways. I let you guys get away with the most ridiculous things! Or at the very least, turned a blind eye to all the pranks.” Anfisa smiled softly at Armin, finding his presence comforting. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Are you kidding? At first, you worked our asses off! When we were still in the Training Corp, you were practically a legend. Not to mention, you’re the youngest Scout here that wasn’t in the 104th Cadet Core. I can’t imagine accomplishing what you have by the time I’m your age. “ Armin spoke enthusiastically his eyes wide in wonder and respect, earning him another laugh. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Thank you, Armin. I needed that. I’ve been feeling pretty useless with this leg of mine.” Anfisa responded earnestly, the pain in her wounds subsiding if only for a second. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>After a few moments of silence, Anfisa placed her hand on top of Armin’s reassuringly. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I promise you Eren and Mikasa are safe. Eren is a titan, after all. And Mikasa... well lets just say with the way she’s growing everyday she’s starting to make Captain Levi look like child’s play. You are stronger than you think, Armin.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I hope you’re right.“ Armin responded, his voice barely a whisper. Anfisa could tell he was trying his best to keep it together, something she was struggling with as well.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Can I ask you something personal, Anfisa?” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Anfisa smiled. “I’m an open book.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Are you and Levi...you know...together..?” Armin asked nervously, fidgeting with his tea cup. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Anfisa paused, her tea cup midair. She was not expecting that one. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em> No point in hiding it now.</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p> “Is it.. is it that obvious?” Anfisa’s  asked nervously. If the new recruits knew, then surely the rest of the Scouts did as well. There were always rumors of course, but rumors held more power than a sharp blade at times. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Well, not really. It’s just, I don’t know...sometimes the way you two look at each other during practice or in the mess hall-”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“...we look at each other?” Anfisa asked, amusement replacing her anxiety, a small smile growing on her face as she turned her head to the side. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Armin looked up at her, clearly embarrassed. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Anfisa looked down, with a soft smile and content look on her face as she was thought about Levi. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p><em>That’s exactly what I mean!</em> Armin thought to himself. Armin liked to think he was more observant to most, and this had been a mystery in the barrack walls he couldn't easily ignore.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Can you keep a secret Armin?” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Of course.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“We’ve... We have been together for a few months now. Ever since we went into the capitol for Eren's military trial. Nobody knows. Maybe Erwin has his suspicions, but I don’t think even he’s completely convinced. Levi isn't one to expose his emotions, as you already know. Even to his closest friends like the Commander.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Why do you keep it secret?” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p> Anfisa shrugged. “ I don’t know, I guess it just makes everything easier. Levi worries other Scouts might just assume his interest in me is the only reason I climbed the ranks. I can’t blame them, I suppose. Although I assure you, Levi is not any easier on me as he is with the rest of the veterans. If anything, sometimes I think he is harsher on me in front of others to compensate.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Anfisa sipped her tea as she contemplated. The tea had grown cold over the course of their conversation, but she didn’t mind, though. It was nice to finally tell someone who was among the living.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I won’t tell anyone, promise. But for the record, I think if the rest of the recruits knew they would respect you the same way nonetheless. Or maybe just a little less. But I promise that has nothing to do with your credibility as a solider or leader, just your taste in men. Oh. And also maybe don't wear Captain Levi's shirts if you want it to keep being a secret.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Anfisa looked down at the shirt she wore in surprise as she let out a sound of disbelief at her own lack of caution. She looked back up meeting Armin's eyes, both of them letting out a small laugh. Armin''s face lit up, his own fears for what the future held easing for a moment as he found comfort in Anfisa's warm presence. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Thank you, Armin. I'm glad my taste in men brings you so much amusement.” She spoke sarcastically, a soft smile on her face. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Anfisa?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“yes?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p> "Captain Levi will come back.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <hr/>
</div><div class="">
  <p> Two more days passed. Commander Erwin, who was still healing from his own injuries from the titan that stole his arm after they had gone to recover Eren, refused to let Anfisa to go on the searching missions due to her leg. Anfisa argued and protested, a sense of despair that Erwin himself felt more strongly each day in the past couple of weeks. Each recovery mission after the other, the Scouts came back completely empty handed, no sign of Levi or the others as if they had vanished off of the face of the Earth. Anfisa refused to think of what that could mean for their survival. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Anfisa and Armin kept busy, however- from waking up at dawn to take care of the stables and horses to helping Hange and the nurses tend to the injured. Armin and Anfisa had grown close in the odd hours of the night as they refused to sleep and  helped themselves to Levi’s tea. Levi and the others could return at any moment, and sleep was a comfort they couldn't afford. They talked about just about anything, desperate to to keep their hands and minds busy. </p>
  <p>"...Wait your Grandfather said there was an Ocean? Salty water? I found a book that called the same thing The Sea! Could they be the same thing?" Armin spoke enthusiastically, excitement twinkling in his eyes as they leaned over a book about the outside world, the steam from the tea enveloping them in its warm embrace. </p>
  <p> Anfisa was lost for words as she stared at Armin, her eyes filled with a child-like wonder that she had forgotten how to feel as she grew older. Never had she met someone who had heard the same secrets of the outside world that she had. In truth, the company helped, the weight of grief and worry didn’t feel as heavy with a friend to share the burden. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p> During the day they sat in Captain Levi’s office, dutifully filling out the paperwork he had promised to leave Anfisa. As Commander Erwin made his way back to his own office across from Levi's, Erwin couldn’t help but peak into the office as he walked by, startled by the voices in the otherwise quiet room.  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“.. Are you doing paperwork for Captain Levi?” Erwin spoke, surprised to find Anfisa lost in paperwork she never willingly did without a threat from Levi as Armin sat beside her doing the same. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The pair looked up, shrugging. Their eyes were heavy with sleep, clearly ignoring their own needs as they waited for good news. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Someone has to.” Anfisa mumbled nonchalantly as she went back to work.</p>
  <p>"Is there anything you need Commander Erwin? You should be resting-" Armin spoke, a bit more attentive than Anfisa.</p>
  <p>Erwin raised his good arm, pausing him.</p>
  <p>"No, but thank you, Armin. I'll let you get back to it." Erwin cleared his throat awkwardly, walking away.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p> He always had his suspicions about Levi and Anfisa ever since she joined the Survey Corp years prior. Never had he witnessed someone get under Levi's skin like she could without even the slightest effort. Levi had become softer towards her, something Erwin had written off as something related to what Anfisa had to endure at Castle Utgard and the loss of Nanaba. Lately however, Erwin couldn't help but notice Levi was always missing from his bedroom and office at night where he would usually work well into the early morning. On more than one occasion, Erwin had caught Levi leaving the mess hall with one extra tea cup, but Erwin never questioned him about it. If Levi could find love in such a cruel and unforgiving world, Erwin wouldn't be the one to get in his way. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p> Hours passed, and the pair kept working like well-oiled machines. It seemed as if nothing could distract them, until loud cheers and cries came from the mess hall. Armin and Anfisa faltered, looked up at each other, and wordlessly Armin helped Anfisa limp to the mess hall. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Anfisa couldn’t believe her eyes. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Levi, Mikasa, Eren, and the rest of the Scouts that had been missing stood before them. They were battered and worse for wear, but they were alive. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Levi was alive- and that was all that mattered. The rest of the world grew quiet for the first time in weeks, a sense of relief baptizing Anfisa, giving her peace that she had been craving. Anfisa rushed forward as she ignored the muscles in her leg that seemed to protest at the sudden movement, pulling Levi into her arms. Anfisa caught him by surprise as she interrupted him as he spoke to Erwin and Hange. When she noticed some of the other scouts Staring she quickly let go.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Easy, there. If I didn’t have broken ribs before, I do now.” Levi mussed his voice tired but relieved as he ruffled her hair from a safe distance, aware of the eyes on them.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Erwin raised an eyebrow, exchanging a glance with Hange at the scene of affection before them. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt. I’m glad you’re well and alive, Levi. Captain Levi, I mean.” Anfisa stumbled over her words as she flattened the wrinkles on her clothing, overwhelmed with the relief she felt as she tried masking her emotions. Never had she been so  utterly scared of losing someone in her life. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>As their eyes met for the first time in the past two weeks, time seemed to still. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Levi couldn’t help but admire Anfisa. She looked healthier and stronger than when he had last seen her, despite the lack of sleep and worry written in her face. All he could think about were the unspoken words he had wanted to say to her in the days he was missing. He wanted to hold her, and reassure her he didn’t plan on disappearing again. But most importantly, he was growing tired of having to sneak around at night just to be able to do so.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p><em>Fuck it,</em> he thought to himself. After thinking he may never see her again, he refused to hold back for any longer.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Pulling Anfisa towards him, he planted a warm and longing kiss to her lips, Anfisa melted into him, letting go of her worries as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Levi was alive, and she was in his arms again. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Don’t you dare ever do that to me again,” she mumbled against his lips before going in for another kiss. “...or else you are going to regret coming back alive.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Levi let out a rare laugh, drawing even more attention to the surprising scene of affection. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Erwin leaned over, whispering into Hange’s ear. “Looks like you owe me money.” </p>
  <p> Anfisa looked up surprised as Levi did the same. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You two were making bets about me without knowing if I was even alive?” Levi scolded, his face now replaced with his usual disapproving scowl that Anfisa had grown to love. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Hange shrugged. “We all had to keep busy somehow.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Anfisa just laughed, engulfed with joy and content. Neither of them cared to keep their secret to themselves and the walls of the barracks at night. Now, everyone knew Levi was hers and she was his. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>From across the room, the new recruits stopped buzzing over Eren and Mikasa’s return, and just stared, unsure of what to think.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Did you guys see that?? Did any of you know about those two?? I mean, Anfisa and Captain Levi??? He’s like...evil...and she’s..” Jean questioned the other new recruits, completely slack-jawed and wide-eyed. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Armin smiled, but kept his answer to himself. He was just glad to have his friends back. </p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Just a chapter I've been working on for a bit with a happy ending before today's episode of AOT</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. The Underground</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is very much my favorite chapter I have ever written, and I really enjoyed writing a more emotionally vulnerable Levi Ackerman. Let me know what you think!!</p><p>Also, SPOILERS for the Levi OVA, which I highly recommend you read/watch!!!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Three Months Later</strong>
</p><p>  If Anfisa closed her eyes, she could pretend that the world was at peace. She could forget the faces of the breathing, living human beings that she had killed, even if they were on a mission to kill the Scouts. If someone had told Anfisa months ago that the key to getting to Shiganshina was through a military Coup and place Historia on the thrown, she would laugh at how ridiculous that sounded. And yet here she was, helping Queen Historia run the orphanage she had always dreamed of opening. She lay in the tall grass of the farmstead, drifting off to sleep as sunlight warmed her entire body and the earthy smell of soil filled her senses, reminding her that she was alive.</p><p>Although her time in the Underground was short-lived, Anfisa would never come to take the feeling of sunlight on her skin for granted ever again. </p><p> "Anfisa!" Mila, one of the orphans, screeched with laughter as she jumped onto Anfisa, landing on her chest. Anfisa laughed, genuinely happy to see how the young girl had transformed in a matter of days. The timid, terrified child was now beamed with life and laughter, her years in the Underground now just a distant memory as Queen Historia took her into her care.  </p><p> "Mila! What did I say about waking up the monster? I'm going to have to eat you now!" Anfisa jumped to her feet, wiggling her eyebrows playfully at the little girl as she chased after her, Mila giggling as she attempted to escape. </p><p>  Levi watched from a distance, a small smile on his face. It had been two weeks since Anfisa and Levi had returned from the Underground, and Anfisa had insisted on staying at the orphanage to protect Queen Historia and make sure the orphans they found adjusted to their new lives. Levi couldn't deny how natural she was with children, how she dutifully would go to any length to protect the children within the orphanage walls. These children wouldn't have to endure the terrors of the Underground like Levi had, they wouldn't have to continue living in fear and pain for everything that had been stolen from them at such an early age. </p><p> Mila ran up to Levi, hiding behind his legs squealing as Anfisa chased her, a grin on Anfisa's face that could light up the darkest corners of the world. While Anfisa was a natural with the children, Levi was anything but. </p><p> "Oh...hello there." Levi spoke awkwardly as the child jumped up, his eyes growing wide with a horror most titans didn't even see from Levi before their death. With an annoyed sigh, Levi picked her up as she kicked and laughed with glee. Anfisa herself fought back her own laughter as she watched Levi interact with the child. He looked ridiculous, a far cry from his usual graceful yet stoic composure. </p><p> "Alright, let's not bother Captain Levi. Do you hear that? I think Queen Historia is calling you in for dinner!" Anfisa spoke with a child-like enthusiasm, inspiring an equally enthusiastic squeal from Mila as she took her from Levi's arms and placing her back down on the ground. Anfisa squatted beside her, eye-to-eye with Mila, placing a hand on her shoulder. </p><p> "Race me inside? I'll even give you a head start!" Anfisa grinned as her hair light up in the evening sun, her green eyes practically glowing. She looked ethereal in every sense of the word. As the little girl ran off, Anfisa stood up with a tired sigh, an easy smile on her face as she turned to Levi, taking his hands into her own. </p><p> "Anfisa, you can't stay here forever. Neither can Queen Historia. We still have to retake Shiganshina. Erwin has ordered for you to escort the Queen immediately to the capitol." Levi spoke calmly, his expression empty of any emotion in his usual manner. He hated bringing this news to Anfisa, but it was his duty as her Captain. As her lover, he wanted nothing more but to give her the time she needed to heal after everything that had happened to the Scouts.</p><p> Anfisa couldn't hide her disheartened expression, dropping Levi's eye contact as she stared down at his hands in hers. </p><p> "I was afraid you would say that," She spoke quietly. Finally, she looked back up at Levi. "Sit with me? Please?" </p><p>  Levi nodded, sitting beside her on the soft grass as Queen Historia chased children into the farm house along with the other Scouts as the sun set in the distance, hiding behind the mountains. Connie, Sasha, and Mikasa struggled to carry supplies into the farm house as children jumped onto them. Meanwhile, Eren, Armin, and Jean watched from a distance, speaking among themselves. Historia yelled at the boys to pick up the slack, an order they couldn't ignore from their newly crowned queen. It was almost as if there were no titans beyond the walls, no threat against their survival. It seemed as if they had a chance at a normal life after all. This is how Anfisa would choose to remember her time in the Scouts.</p><p>A cool breeze picked up, a reminder that winter was just a few months away. As Anfisa shivered, Levi wrapped his cloak around her as she rested her head on his shoulder. </p><p> "I never thought I would want to be a mother. Hell, I still don't want children of my own. It would be cruel, bringing another child into this world. Especially when there are already so many in need of families." She spoke sullenly, her eyes fixed on the children in the distance, their reflections dancing in her eyes. "I guess...I guess its nice to be able to be able to protect the children within these walls without having to fight titans." She concluded, looking up at Levi unsure of how he would react. His features grew sharper as the shadows of night grew, his face calm. Anfisa had always known Levi was handsome, but Anfisa had grown to believe that his soul was even more beautiful than one could fathom. </p><p>  "I suppose I can't blame you. It suits you, taking care of them. Protecting them and the Queen. " </p><p>   Anfisa turned to face him, kissing Levi softly on the lips. "You don't know how long I've been waiting to do that," She whispered as she placed her forehead against his. </p><p>  "Tch. Then don't disobey orders for two weeks in a row," Levi spoke against her lips as he wrapped her into his arms, stealing another kiss. Anfisa laughed, pinning Levi to the ground by his arms beneath her. It had been a long two weeks since she had last seen Levi after he went to the capitol to report back to the military summons.  </p><p>  "Me? Disobeying orders? Why, I would never do such a thing, Captain Levi." Here eyes glittered with mischief as she leaned over, her face hovering above his own. Right as she was about to kiss him, Levi set himself free from her grip, wrapping his arms around her waist and gently pulling her to the ground pinning her down where she had him previously. He smiled as he looked down at her, Anfisa laughing beneath him.</p><p>  "You make my job a headache, but I still love you. What am I going to do with you, brat?" Levi joked sarcastically.</p><p>  Anfisa smiled gently as stars lit up the sky above them. </p><p>  "Never stop loving me?" Anfisa suggested, stealing another kiss from Levi.  </p><p>  "Tch."</p>
<hr/><p>
  <b>Two Weeks Earlier </b>
</p><p>"Stay close to me. The Survey Corp isn't exactly welcome here." Levi spoke, as Anfisa trailed behind him in the busy streets of the Underground. Levi quickly grew uneasy down here, feeling claustrophobic in the streets he had vowed to never walk on again. They had only been down there for a few hours, and Levi was already forgetting what the warmth of the sun felt like.</p><p> Anfisa didn't know what she expected to see in the Underground. Levi rarely spoke about his childhood, or what he had endured living down here in all the years Anfisa had grown to know and love him. He avoided the subject at all costs, and ever since Levi found out Kenny the Ripper had been his uncle, Anfisa could tell coming back here was gut-wrenching, like a dagger to the chest. As Anfisa followed him along with the few other Scouts that Levi had taken with them, their mission seemed simple enough: recover the orphans and children in need. Queen Historia intended to use the money from the former nobles for a cause more noble than any title. </p><p> Anfisa reached out for Levi's hand, squeezing it discreetly in reassurance. </p><p> "I'm by your side." She whispered so quietly only Levi could hear as they pushed through the crowds of the Underground. He flashed her a grateful look, disappearing in a matter of seconds. The Underground was no place for signs of affection. </p><p> As they entered the tavern where they would be staying, gruff faces looked up at them, sneers and looks of disgust meeting Anfisa. If the people living above ground had their history of hate with the Survey Corp, this was only amplified in the shadows of the Underground. </p><p>"Stay in my room with me. I know you can protect yourself, but the Underground isn't safe for women. I'd feel better with you by my side." Levi spoke as the Scouts went to their separate bed chambers. Levi's expression was unreadable, but Anfisa could tell he was on edge, fighting to keep his composure. </p><p> Levi had spent years watching men mistreat his mother, treating her like nothing more than an object for their pleasure, something that would cost Kuchel her life and Levi his childhood. After the way the men in the underground had looked at Anfisa with predatory lust and violence in their eyes like she was some sort prey, Levi felt his stomach twist with disgust and anger. He refused to see Anfisa to come in harms way here.</p><p> Still, Levi was the one who couldn't be left alone. He never planned on returning to the Underground after he joined the Scouts. Isabel, Furlan, and Levi had promised one another to never look back the moment the sun from above hit their skin, to never return to the caverns that had caused them so much pain. There were too many painful echoes of loss in these alleys, and never had Levi thought he would return, especially without them.</p><p> Still Levi found comfort in Anfisa, the only reason he still remained sane.</p><p> "Of course I'll stay with you. Your room looks like it has less rats in it, anyways." She spoke gently, lifting his hand to her lips and kissing his cold knuckles as she tried to lift his spirits.</p><p> "Tch." Levi huffed in annoyance as he pulled her into his arms, planting a kiss to the top of her head. "I'm going to go debrief the rest of the Scouts, remind them of their duties. I'll meet you downstairs for dinner." </p><p>  Anfisa nodded, watching as Levi walked away. She had never seen Levi like this and it worried her. </p><p> Anfisa sat in the corner of the tavern, carefully observing her surroundings. She had heard many stories from the underground, but they all paled to the reality of what she saw before her eyes. These people lived in pure and utter destitution, all hope sucked out of those who would never see the sunlight, feel the breeze on their skin. She understood why Levi rarely spoke of it.</p><p> "Unfortunately it seems like the food shipments down here haven't gotten any better," Levi spoke, as he set down a questionable bowl of gruel beside Anfisa with a tall glass of ale. "They don't seem to have tea either." His face twitched in annoyance, but Anfisa knew that irritation went beyond just the lack of tea and decent food.</p><p> "This will do just fine, thank you." Anfisa gave him a reassuring smile and placed her hand on his forearm as he sat down beside her.  </p><p>  Anfisa didn't seem to hear Levi as he spoke, a scene across the tavern catching her eye. Men were grabbing for a young girl who couldn't of been older than eleven, an even younger girl who appeared to be nine yelling at them to let go. The men were disgusting, hungry sneers on their faces as one of them pulled the girl into his lap. Immediately Anfisa shot up to her feet, all eyes turning to her and Levi as her wooden chair scratched loudly against the wooden floor. </p><p> Levi grabbed Anfisa's forearm. "Not now. Not here. We are outnumbered and don't have any weapons. Stand down. Wait until they leave the tavern. We can confront them outside."</p><p> Anfisa ignored him, shaking off his arm. Without a word, she grabbed a dull dinner knife from a table as she walked towards the scene, slipping it up her sleeve discreetly. If the owner of the knife noticed, they kept it to themselves. </p><p> "Take your hands off her." Anfisa spoke with a terrifying calmness, her eyes sharper than any blade as she looked at the group of four men. Quickly, the room was filled with a mocking laughter. </p><p> "You think I'm afraid of a girl from the Survey Corp? Ha! Tell you what, I'll let her go if you take her place in my lap instead. A pretty thing like you could earn more in a night with me than you could in a weeks work in the Scouts. How does that sound?" His friends hooted in laughter as the man undressed Anfisa with his eyes. Before he knew it, Levi shot up to his feet, making his way to Anfisa's side as anger boiled in his blood and pounded in his ears at the crude comment. No one was allowed to speak to her like that, and Levi wanted nothing more but make sure he regretted his words. If Anfisa was rushing into a fight, Levi wouldn't let her do it alone.</p><p> "I dare you to speak to her like that again, Pig Shit." Levi spit out, his eyes furrowed at the man, his hands balling into fists as anger blazed like a wildfire in his eyes.</p><p> "Sorry, maybe you misunderstood me. Take your hands off the girl before you lose them." Anfisa shot a quick glance to Levi, who nodded in response. Without a word, they had come to an understanding. This would not be ending without spilling blood. Anfisa would rather not have it be her own or Levi's.</p><p> The man just laughed in response, one of his friends chiming into the conversation. "What do you think you and this short-" Before he could finish his sentence, Levi landed a punch to the friend's face, his nose breaking with a satisfied crunch. Anfisa moved just as quickly, revealing her knife and stabbing it straight through the first man's hand, his blood splattering across her face as he screamed in pain. </p><p> "I refuse to repeat myself a third time." Anfisa's voice was nothing short of menacing as she twisted the knife in his hand, his screams growing louder as he finally released the girl from the grasp of his other arm. Hurriedly, the girl rushed forward, hiding behind Anfisa as she pulled the second younger girl into her arms. </p><p> "Well now that that's settled gentlemen," Levi spoke nonchalantly as he pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket, wiping away blood from his knuckles as his face twisted in disgust. "I trust you will make an effort to avoid crossing our paths again. Is that understood?" Despite his stature, Levi was more intimidating than any titan Anfisa had come across. And yet, in that moment Anfisa had never been more attracted to him. </p><p> As the men scurried out of the tavern with a slew of cuss words following in their wake, everyone else turned back to their food, minding their own business again, not phased in the slightest. this, after all, was a common occurrence in Underground taverns. Anfisa quickly wiped the blood from her face with her sleeve before turning to the two girls.</p><p> "I'm Anfisa, and this is Captain Levi. We are from the Survey Corp. I apologize, that wasn't exactly a pretty scene. I promise, you are safe now. Tell me, what are your names?"</p><p>  The girls looked scared at first, but this was quickly replaced by admiration. Never had they seen a woman fight like that.</p><p>  "I'm Hanna, and this is my younger sister Mila." the older girl spoke. Before Anfisa could speak, she paused. These girls looked familiar. Quickly, the realization hit her as if the sky had fallen on top of her, crushing Anfisa under the weight. With their curly golden hair and golden eyes to match, they looked painfully similar to Lydia as a child. Anfisa was overcame with a desire to protect these girls no matter the cost. Quickly Anfisa composed herself. </p><p> "Well then. Mila and Hanna. May we escort you back to your parents?" Anfisa asked, smiling kindly despite the blood stains on her uniform.</p><p>  The girls shared a look, unsure of what to say or what to do. </p><p>  "We...we don't have any. We wash dishes here for food-" The rest of their words melted in the background as Anfisa's eyes met Levi's. </p><p>  "Well. In that case, let me treat you two to a warm meal. Would you mind sitting down with Captain Levi and I? I promise, he and I would never hurt you. We'd like to just ask you a few questions, that's all." Anfisa smiled kindly. </p><p> Without a word the starving girls nodded, eager to fill their stomachs with a warm food. </p><p> As they sat at a secluded booth, Levi spoke to the girls for the first time as they scarfed down their food with a speed that Anfisa hadn't even seen in the likes of Sasha. This was clearly the first time they had eaten in days as their skin hung from their bones, making Anfisa's stomach tighten in heartbreak. </p><p> "I know news can be slow down here. Have you two heard of Queen Historia?"</p><p> "The Cattle Farming Goddess!" The younger girl, Mila, exclaimed as her eyes grew wide. </p><p>  Levi's expression softened, a gentleness he reserved for children. </p><p>  "Exactly. But maybe when you meet her you should refer to her as your Queen."</p><p>  Both girls stop eating, their spoons inches from their hungry mouths. </p><p>  "...When we meet her...?" Hanna asked in confusion. </p><p>  "Indeed. Queen Historia has sent us here to recover orphans from the Underground and bring them to live above ground. She has a lovely farm house and-" Anfisa tried her best to explain the situation, stopping as she read the expressions of the girls before her.</p><p>   Hanna's confusion was replaced with horror and anger.</p><p>   "You can't take us! This is our home!"</p><p>   Anfisa looked over at Levi, unsure of what to say or do. Levi reached out, gently placing his hand on the forearm of the hysterical child in front of him, her boney wrist tiny under his hand. Levi gulped at the realization, painful memories of his own childhood flooding his mind. Starvation was the worst form of slow torture, and these children didn't deserve to live like this.</p><p>   "Hanna, I know this may be confusing. Scary, even. I grew up in the Underground as an orphan as well. My mother got sick and died when I was young. I remember sitting next to her, in a tavern similar like this one, unsure of where my next meal would come from." Levi's eyes grew cloudy in a rare scene of emotion as he relived Kuchel's death. </p><p> Levi paused, before continuing.</p><p>"I was much older than you are now when I finally left, but I will forever be grateful to the stranger who saved my life." Levi spoke in earnest, reflecting on his years with Kenny as well as Erwin who gave him something to fight for other than himself. "Hanna. Mila. Put your trust in me and Anfisa. Let me show you the same kindness that saved my life." </p><p>  Anfisa had never seen such vulnerability in Levi. Levi never spoke of Kuchel, and Anfisa had never heard the story of what became of her. The only reason she had even known what her name was because late at night in a nightmare Levi would call out to her. Her death was one of the many that kept him from sleeping, refusing to see her face in a dream.</p><p>  This wasn't the cold and ruthless Levi the world had come to paint him as. This was the Levi who had faced unspeakable horrors from a young age, and yet survived everything that life had thrown at him and still held onto his compassion. This was the Levi Ackerman that Anfisa had fallen madly in love with. </p>
<hr/><p> "Wait. You've killed how many titans?? What do they smell like??" Hanna asked in excitement as she sat in front of Anfisa on her horse, Mila sitting in front of Levi as they walked through the tunnels that lead to the above ground. </p><p> "Oh, it's not that impressive. Captain Levi here easily has over a hundred solo kills under his belt. They call him Humanity's Strongest Solider. Although, you should see how terrified he can be of dust bunnies." Anfisa shot Levi a look as she smirked humorously. He rolled his eyes, but even he couldn't hide the humor in his eyes. Levi didn't realize how easy it was to talk to children. It was easier than with other adults, no ulterior motives, plotting, or hatred consuming them. </p><p> "What is it like beyond the walls?" Hanna asked as her eyes grew wide in wonder.</p><p> "It's...It's beautiful. Scary, but breath taking." Anfisa concluded, unsure of how to answer at first. Despite the loss and death she had seen beyond the walls, it also felt liberating every time she had ever stepped beyond the maps known to mankind. </p><p> "I want to join the Survey Corp!! How do I sign up?"</p><p>  Levi let out a rare chuckle, relaxing around the children.</p><p> "Well you have to join the training regiment first. Only then-" He stopped speaking as he realized the girls were no longer listening, their eyes focused on the clouds above as they finally made it out of the Underground. Hanna and Mila's jaws dropped, their faces filled with amazement as they witnessed the sun's warmth for the first time ever. </p><p> "...It's beautiful. Just like in the stories mom told us, Mila..." Hanna's voice trailed as she watched birds fly above. </p><p>  Levi remembered when he felt this moment for the first time himself all those many years ago with Isabel and Furlan. It was like experiencing freedom for the first time ever. It was the first moment he had felt truly alive. He would never forget the first breath he took that was unclouded by the humidity of the underground. </p><p>  Levi never got a chance to properly mourn the deaths of Furlan and Isabel. After his first mission and titan kill, he closed himself off to the world, growing colder than ever before. After that day, he refused to remember their days in the Underground.</p><p>  Levi snapped back to reality as Anfisa reached out, squeezing his hand as she rode her horse closer to his. As their eyes met, they both smiled at each other. Anfisa didn't need to say a word for Levi to know just how much she loved him. As much as Levi loved the sun and stars from the sky above, it paled in comparison to Anfisa. As long as he had her by his side, he knew he could find happiness in this world. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Lost at War-Shiganshina Arc Part One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p> <strong>The Night Before The Mission to Retake Shiganshina</strong></p>
<p>"Do you want to stop them, or should I?" Levi's voice was bored as he and Anfisa shared a bottle of whiskey together in a secluded corner of the mess hall, watching from a distance as Eren and Jean punched at each other as the other Scouts and new recruits cheered and hollered.</p>
<p>  Even now after almost six months, the cadets from the 104th Training Corp still managed to find ways to get under Levi's skin and give Anfisa grey hairs. Despite this, Anfisa felt a sense of familiarity in Jean and Eren's antics. Countless new faces of recruits and transfers surrounded Anfisa, each one of them a stranger. This was no longer the Survey Corp that Anfisa had joined, no longer the family it once was with Nanaba, Gelgar, Petra, Oluo and the others.  Nonetheless, Anfisa had Levi, and that was all she needed. He was her home, and that was all the family she needed. </p>
<p>  Anfisa sighed as even Mikasa and Armin didn't move a muscle to stop the boys, a look of content on Mikasa's face as she just watched. Anfisa looked over at Levi, Anfisa's pleading eyes meeting his expressionless ones. </p>
<p> "Something tells me you would get enjoyment out of breaking up the fight. Don't let me take that away from you on such a special occasion, Captain." Anfisa mused as she encouraged Levi to do what she simply didn't have the energy to do. Even with constant chaos in the past couple of weeks, Anfisa already had her own fair share of squabbles and fights she would have to break up between the young Scouts. </p>
<p> "Tch. So much for a Squad Vice Captain. And here I thought you weren't the one to sit out on a fight." Levi joked sarcastically as he used Anfisa's new title against her. Despite this, his expression softened.</p>
<p> If it hadn't been for Anfisa, Levi didn't know how he would of survived the long weeks Erwin had been in custody without losing his mind. She had yet again undoubtedly earned her new position, and she was the only one Levi would ever be able to tolerate enough to be his Vice Captain. </p>
<p>The end was in sight for the first time in years, and it was where their story had started- Shiganshina. </p>
<p> "Yeah well, I'm afraid that after this," Anfisa swirled the liquid in her bottle of whiskey. "My right hook isn't exactly what it used to be." </p>
<p>  Levi rolled his eyes and sighed as he stood up. Despite this, there was a small smile on his lips that only Anfisa could inspire.</p>
<p>  "I guess I'll have to get my hands dirty then." </p>
<p> Anfisa was grateful to see Levi like this, a glimpse of his usual sarcastic yet stoic composure peaking through. This was the Levi she had fallen in love with, despite his cold exterior. Ever since finding out the truth about Kenny the Ripper, Levi had been distant, lost in thought as he silently mourned the death of a man who had been his Uncle. To an outsider, it would appear that Levi was unchanged, but Anfisa knew Levi like the palm of her hand. Whatever hatred Levi held against Kenny for abandoning him in the Underground seemed to fade away, paling in comparison to the pride Kenny had for Levi he only made Levi aware of when he was on death's doors. His conversation earlier that day with Erwin didn't seem to help, either. Levi didn't speak a word of what had been said to Anfisa afterwards, but she knew Levi well enough to know exactly what was on Levi's mind.</p>
<p> Levi was tired. Tired of fighting and more importantly tired of losing the ones he loved, the ones he considered to be his family. Erwin was no exception, and Levi didn't know how he would keep fighting if Erwin wasn't to survive this mission because of his own damn stubbornness. Levi understood why Erwin insisted on going on the mission, however. So many had died for them to get to this point, and Levi couldn't blame Erwin's desire to see this to the end, no matter the cost.</p>
<p> "That's enough! Everyone, go to bed." Levi spoke in annoyance after he subdued Eren and Jean with his own show of force. Before Anfisa knew it, they were the last two people in the mess hall as the room cleared up quickly with Levi's order. Even the new recruits knew better than to cross Levi Ackerman. </p>
<p> Levi looked over to Anfisa, his eyebrow raised. </p>
<p> "Think my orders don't apply to you?" Levi spoke as he sat back down next to Anfisa, taking a sip from the bottle of whiskey. He usually preferred the bitterness of black tea, but tonight was different.</p>
<p> "I don't think I ever have. But you already knew that." Anfisa joked, leaning in and kissing Levi softly. It was nice no longer having to hide their relationship in the shadows, even if there was no one around to witness this moment of tenderness. </p>
<p> "Get some sleep, brat. You'll need it. I'll be with you soon." Levi spoke softly as he planted a kiss to Anfisa's forehead, squeezing her hand as it rested on the table. </p>
<p>  "Where are you going?"</p>
<p>  "I just need some fresh air. It smells like shit in here, and Jean throwing up his guts didn't help." </p>
<p>  Anfisa nodded thoughtfully. She knew this had nothing to do with the stench of the humid barracks or Jean's failure to compose himself- Levi needed time to be alone with his thoughts.</p>
<hr/>
<p> Anfisa twisted and turned in bed, unable to sleep without the familiar weight of Levi next to her she had grown accustomed to. It had been two hours since the ending of the feast, but Anfisa couldn't fight the feeling that dozens of eyes were on her despite being completely alone. Anfisa hated to admit it, especially to Levi, but the human lives that Anfisa had taken when the Scouts were being hunted down by Kenny and the MPs haunted her. It had come to Anfisa all too easily, something that made her terrified of her own reflection. She was no longer the girl she once was when she joined the Scouts. While Anfisa was always rough around the edges, she had found a sense of purpose with the Scouts. It was ironic, really- never did she think she would have to take human lives for the sake of humanity.</p>
<p> Anfisa made her way into the unfamiliar hallway, quietly tiptoeing around passed out Scouts who failed to make their way to their sleeping chambers. Spending two month's worth of food and alcohol on one night of celebrating might not of been the most brilliant idea, but for the new recruits who had no clue what their futures held and the Scouts who had seen the horrors of titans up close and personal, this was what they needed to find rare moments of reprieve. </p>
<p> "You don't usually drink this much. What's on your mind?" Anfisa spoke softly as she stepped into the chill night air, making her way to where Levi sat with his back to a wall, a bottle of whiskey in hand. </p>
<p>  Levi looked up, snapping back to reality and out of thought as his eyes landed on Anfisa as torch light dimly lit up the hallway. Her presence was comforting, bringing him a sense of security he would never take for granted.</p>
<p> "It's been a longtime since we've had a mission outside of Wall Maria, and with enemies that seem to want to kill everyone within these walls... I don't know, I'm just thinking of what could be out there once we reach the cellar tomorrow." Levi's voice trailed as he reflected on the conversation he had heard between Armin, Mikasa, and Eren. In a little under a year, those three cadets had changed so much, growing up right before Levi's eyes. Now more than ever, it seemed like the fate of humanity rested in their hands. He hated to admit it, but he had grown fond of them.</p>
<p> "I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared to find out. But also I'm excited. My grandfather died for those secrets, and now we are closer to knowing than ever before," Anfisa spoke as she gently squeezed Levi's hand in her own as she sat down next to him. </p>
<p> "Whatever happens tomorrow-"</p>
<p>  "Survive. I know. I'm not leaving you anytime soon, Levi Ackerman. It will take much more than a titan to get rid of me." Anfisa's eyes twinkled thoughtfully in the torch light as she smiled reassuringly. </p>
<p> Levi brought her hand to his lips, kissing her knuckles gently. Levi feared that Erwin wouldn't survive to see the sunset tomorrow, and he refused to think about a reality where he lost his best friend and lover in the same day. No- Levi knew Anfisa would be stubborn to the end. She could look death in the eye and simply refuse it.</p>
<p> "Anfisa?"</p>
<p> "Hmm?"</p>
<p>"Those stories your Grandfather told you. The one about The Ocean. Do you believe them?" Levi asked, Armin's promise to Eren to reach what he called The Sea still on his mind. It was an innocent dream, but Levi couldn't help but see the wisdom in Armin's words.</p>
<p>Anfisa shrugged at first. She had told Levi hundreds of stories she had heard as a child and she had always figured she sounded crazy to Levi the same way her Grandfather sounded crazy to her as a child.</p>
<p>"I suppose we all need something to believe in. Without it, what else are we fighting for?" Anfisa spoke carefully, finally admitting to herself a truth she had yet to come to terms with.</p>
<p>"When I first met you Levi, I only fought for myself and my stupid need for revenge. Now I know that's not what Lydia died for. It's not what Nanaba or Gelgar died for, either. They died for humanity, and so I need to believe that there is something out there beyond these walls that can give humanity hope." Anfisa concluded.</p>
<p> Levi nodded thoughtfully at her answer. Levi rarely thought of what could be out there beyond the walls besides titans despite the theories Erwin always had. His world had always been small, especially when all he knew for the most of his life were the caverns of the Underground. Living above ground already made his world feel bigger in comparison. When he was beyond the walls, he couldn't think of what else could be out there when his mind was consumed with the need to protect his friends and Scouts from death. Now however, as the possibility of finally reaching the cellar became real, he couldn't help but feel a similar sense of wonder and hope he had seen in Anfisa and Armin when they spoke of the mysteries of the world. </p>
<p> <strong>The Morning of The Mission to Retake Shiganshina</strong></p>
<p>  Most days, it was hard to remember the faces of everyone Levi had watched die. The Scouts didn't have a high return rate, a law of the world Levi's own previous squad couldn't escape. At first, when Levi was a child he tried to do everything he could to remember Kuchel's face. He couldn't afford paper or pencils, but he had his knife Kenny had given him. Levi remembered how he would try his best to carve her likeness into the floorboards of whatever room would provide him refugee that night, but now Levi couldn't remember anything but her eyes and smile. He had nothing to remember her by, not a ring nor drawing. Despite this, he still remembered her love. Levi remembered the way she would sing him to sleep in the tavern where she worked to distract him from the loud hollers from downstairs  that echoed through the thin walls. Levi remembered the way she would hold him, cradling him to her chest as she whispered stories from the above ground into his ear. Levi remembered the way she cut his hair, shaving his undercut gently as she would remind Levi that he was her whole world.</p>
<p>
  <em> "You're my handsome, strong boy!" Kuchel spoke as she ruffled Levi's hair, placing the razor she used to cut his hair down on the dresser of their small room.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>  "I'm not a boy! I'm a man!" Levi argued, puffing his chest up to prove his point. Even from a young age, Levi knew he would have to be tough to survive in this world.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>   Levi would never forget the sound of laughter that followed, even after all these years. Her voice was like a melody, her laughter a calming music that Levi would do anything to hear one more time.</em>
</p>
<p> Levi couldn't help but wonder if he looked like his mother more or the man who didn't bother being his father. From what he could remember, he had the same eyes as Kuchel, but the rest remained a mystery. As he looked at himself in the mirror with his own razor raised to the back of his neck, he wanted nothing more but to see his mother staring back at him. </p>
<p>"Levi?" Anfisa yawned, snapping Levi back into reality and breaking his gaze from his reflection. She lazily stretched, sitting up in their bed as she watched Levi clean up his undercut in front of the mirror, the morning sun yet to rise. She watched Levi as he meticulously shaved the sides of his undercut, a small smile forming on her lips. These simple moments gave Anfisa a glimpse at what she hoped would be her normal life with Levi in the future, and she was completely mesmerized by the seemingly mundane.  </p>
<p>  "If you keep staring like that I'll assume you want me to cut your hair too," Levi spoke as he caught Anfisa staring in the reflection of the mirror. Her face was tired, but he preferred seeing her this way, in their shared bed seemingly without a care in the world. He saw a side of her no one else did, and he cherished it.</p>
<p> "Am I not allowed to admire the view?" She spoke softly, a grin growing across her sleepy face. </p>
<p> Levi put down his razor, smiling softly himself this time. Levi refused to let a morning like this go to waste. He walked over back to the bed, pulling Anfisa on top of him as he sat down and placed a longing kiss to her lips.</p>
<p> "I love you, brat." He spoke gently, finding comfort in the warmth of her body against his. </p>
<p>  Anfisa smiled in response, pulling Levi in for a second kiss. </p>
<p> Anfisa rested on Levi's chest, enjoying his warmth before their mission like they had done countless of times in the past couple of years. She had grown to cherish the sound of his heartbeat as she would gently trace her finger over his scars and toned muscles. Anfisa would do anything to live in this moment forever, frozen in time. </p>
<p> "I think my mother would of liked you," Levi spoke simply. Anfisa sat up on her elbow, surprised at the remark that came out of seemingly nowhere. Nevertheless, she felt honored Levi would think so. If Levi was anything like his mother, Kuchel couldn't possibly be short of anything but extraordinary. </p>
<p> "Well, I think my Grandmother would of absolutely loved you. Hell, maybe she would of even tried stealing you for yourself. She always had a thing for men that cleaned," Anfisa laughed before continuing as she laid back down besides Levi, her eyes on the ceiling above as she imagined a world where all her loved ones could be in the same room.</p>
<p>"I think you would of striked my Grandfather as pretentious, but I suppose you can't win over all the in-laws." Anfisa grinned, but quickly faltered as after the word 'in-laws' slipped from her mouth.</p>
<p> "Sorry I didn't mean-"</p>
<p> Levi silenced her with a kiss.</p>
<p> "You don't need to take that back," Levi spoke. He had never thought he would be one to marry, but with Anfisa it seemed like everything he thought about what he could and couldn't do in his future had been defied. If Levi had a future, it would be with Anfisa by his side.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Lost at War-Shiganshina Arc Part Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Anfisa stumbled through the familiar streets of Shiganshina, her ears ringing as she grew more and more confused by the second.</p><p>Anfisa looked up, seeing people walk across the tops of the Wall Maria. As Anfisa looked around her, she felt like screaming in horror as dead bodies, horses, and the smoking corpses of titans surrounded her.</p><p>"What the hell?" She barely mustered out as her vision quickly grew more blurry by the second. She stumbled over dead bodies as she made her way to the gates and past desolate and destroyed homes. </p><p> None of this could be real. This was a living hell. Anfisa squeezed her eyes shut, begging for her body to wake up from this nightmare. When she opened her eyes, she was still alone, surrounded by nothing but the dead.</p><p> <em>Lydia</em>. Anfisa had to find her sister. She had to know if she was okay amid the carnage that drowned the streets of a town Anfisa recognized, but now lay in ruins.</p><p> Anfisa walked slowly, her eyes looking down at her feet as she struggled to walk. She paused, looking into the dead eyes of a smashed face, his eyes forever frozen in fear. Anfisa stumbled to her knees, her hands shaking as she closed his eyelids. </p><p>"Rest." Anfisa's voice came out as a raspy whisper, one so quiet even Anfisa could barely hear herself. She couldn't stand the stares of the dead.</p><p>As she leaned over his dead body, fresh blood stained the ground beneath her. Anfisa raised her hand to her forehead as hot, thick blood came from a deep wound that cut across her forehead to the back of her skull. Anfisa knew this was a life threatening injury, but how she received it remained a mystery.</p><p>She got back to her feet, continuing her journey to the gates.</p><p>Anfisa didn't know what had happened to her or why she was there, but she knew one thing. Anfisa had to find her sister.</p><p> She collapsed out of pure exhaustion and pain as she made her way to the front of the gate, met with the shocked expressions of people in Survey Corp attire. Before she could hit the ground, a stranger caught her right before her head had the chance to receive a final blow. She couldn't even hear what they were saying as her vision started to grow black, the world silent. </p><p>
  <em>How did she get here?</em>
</p><hr/><p> <strong>Hours Earlier</strong></p><p> Anfisa landed beside Levi and Erwin as they took cover in between buildings as the Beast Titan showered them with lethal shards of stone. Anfisa felt a lump grow in her throat with the bad news that did the Survey Corp no favors. Despite this, she seemed to find her courage as she stood beside Levi. No matter what, the two of them would be getting out of this alive together.</p><p>"Ms. Morgane, what is it like on the other side of this wall?" Erwin spoke, still deep in thought as Levi and Erwin planned what without a doubt would be the last moments of Erwin's life. </p><p> "The horses have been killed along with the troops meant to protect them. Besides the horses here in the vanguard, we have no way of falling back." She spoke stoically, doing her best to hide the overwhelming sense of panic growing in her chest. Just like at Utgard Castle this attack was strategic, utilizing the same exact strategies as the Beast Titan acted as the ringleader of a hell of it's own creation.</p><p> "And Eren?" Levi interjected, his usual bored expression faltering. Levi was no stranger to bad news especially when cornered, but he would do anything if it meant the plan he and Erwin had hatched to distract and slay the Beast Titan wouldn't be their only option for survival.</p><p> "Eren has assumed his titan form in preparation to take down Reiner and Bertholdt. The rest of our squad are still alive thankfully, and are focusing on killing Reiner. Eren and Armin have a plan to take down the Colossal Titan."</p><p> Erwin nodded solemnly. In the past couple of months since Armin had joined the Survey Corp, he had proven himself to be a formidable force, one that relied on brains rather than brawn, a wisdom Erwin valued deeply.</p><p> "Armin's plan, do you think it will work?" Erwin spoke. </p><p> Anfisa looked over, meeting Levi's gaze. Finally, Anfisa nodded. </p><p> "Armin is a genius. I would trust him with my life, as well as the survival of humanity." Anfisa concluded resolutely. She had to believe in Armin. She refused to fight without a shred of hope.</p><p> "Then Levi, our plan still stands. You will slay the Beast Titan as I ride with the vanguard to serve as a distraction." Erwin spoke, looking up from the ground as Levi's eye's grew in disbelief. </p><p> "Even if your plan works, it doesn't change the fact that the shards that fucking monkey threw pierced through one of my air tanks. I couldn't make it to him and take out all the titans on the way with just one functioning tank." </p><p> As Erwin and Levi argued, calculated, and plotted the best way of action, Anfisa felt her heart grow heavy. They were too far away from their supply wagons to replace Levi's tank, and even if it was reachable it would of been too much of a risk to try to reach the wagons with Reiner in his titan form. The surviving few in the vanguard couldn't possibly still have a tank full enough for Erwin and Levi's plan to work after having to doge both titan's and boulders. Even if one of them did, asking them to hand over their air tank for Levi to use would be asking them to give up what little safety they had for someone who had only been their superior for a mere few days, an action that would most certainly result in their death. </p><p> Unlike a stranger in the vanguard, Anfisa would do anything for Levi. Die, even. Anfisa knew what needed to happen, and suddenly she no longer feared the Doors of Death that were beckoning Anfisa to step in. </p><p> "Then take mine." </p><p>  Levi and Erwin looked over at Anfisa, their conversation pausing as both of their expressions grew surprised at her declaration. </p><p> "Commander, I would be honored to ride in the vanguard with you one last time. Captain Levi can take my tanks and maybe that way the Walls will have a chance at seeing tomorrow's sunrise." She spoke calmly.</p><p> At first, Erwin didn't know what to say. It was no secret that in his time as the Commander of the Survey Corp, he was willing to pay in blood in order to reach the cellar of Eren's former home. He was willing to send hundreds of troops to their deaths just to find out the mysteries of the hell they lived in. But Anfisa wasn't just any other troop. Erwin was unsure if he would be willing to put Anfisa's life on the line, especially after Levi had threatened to break Erwin's legs just to keep him alive. To send his best friend's lover to the front line was a cruelty even Erwin was unsure he was capable of. </p><p> "Anfisa, are you sure?" Erwin finally spoke, using Anfisa's first name for the first time in five years of her joining the Scouts. </p><p> "You are both insane, aren't you? It's a suicide mission!" Levi exclaimed, a fire of rage in his eyes as his face twisted in disbelief. "Anfisa, I won't let you do this. As your Captain I order you to stand down. I hope you value your role as my Vice Captain enough to listen to me for this damn once."</p><p> Rather than be consumed by fear, Anfisa smiled softly at Levi as she took his hand into hers. </p><p> "Levi, you need air tanks for this plan to work. Between the two of us, its no secret which one humanity needs alive more. You damn Ackermans just refuse to die, don't you?" Anfisa spoke gently, lifting his hand to her cheek so she could feel the warmth of his callouses one final time as she let out a small, bitter laugh at her joke.</p><p> "Fuck the rest of humanity. I need you, Anfisa," Levi spoke angrily, disbelief written across his face as he desperately pleaded with his lover. He refused to let the only family he had left to die in order for Levi to keep his life- without Anfisa, Levi wasn't sure if it would be a life worth living. </p><p>  Anfisa swallowed, now holding back her own tears. She had watched her sister sacrifice herself to save as many refugees as she could, doing everything in her power to protect complete strangers because she was selfless to the very core. Anfisa had seen Nanaba do the same, laying her life down in order to give Anfisa and the rest of the Scouts a fighting chance at survival.</p><p> Like so many others, now the time had come for Anfisa to dedicate her heart. </p><p> "Please, Levi. We both knew this day would come eventually." Anfisa's voice cracked. Levi was the only one who had the power to change Anfisa's mind, something Levi was aware of.</p><p> "Anfisa, you promised me-" Levi tried to argue as Anfisa cut him off with a final kiss, her tears cold against Levi's skin.</p><p> "I love you, Levi Ackerman. Thank you for giving me a reason to keep fighting. I want you to have this, forever this time," Anfisa spoke softly as she removed her necklace with her sister's ring on it and slipped it into Levi's palm. The ring had helped Anfisa remember her sister and what she was fighting for- this time, Anfisa hoped it would give Levi something to remember Anfisa by.</p><p>I'll let you say goodbye to Commander Erwin." </p><p> And with that, Anfisa unbuckled her ODM gear, dropping to the ground with a loud thud. She quickly wiped the tears from her face, turning to face a stunned Erwin.</p><p> "I'll ready the men, Commander." She nodded with more respect in her final moments than she had ever showed her superiors in all the years she had been in the Survey Corp.</p><p> "Thank you, Anfisa. Your sacrifice today will not be forgotten." Erwin finally spoke, seeing Anfisa for who she really was. She was a brave solider, one willing to sacrifice their own life for the survival of others. Suddenly, Erwin felt his own courage grow. If Anfisa could sacrifice her life and her love for the people within the Walls, Erwin could give up on his dreams and die like Levi advised him to.</p><p>Anfisa nodded, drawing her swords as she made her way towards the vanguard before Levi could stop her.</p><p> "I love you, Anfisa. Always and forever," Levi's voice was barely a whisper as he watched his lover walk away from him forever, leaving him with nothing but the gift of her life for the protection of his.</p><hr/><p> When Flock had announced there had been no survivors on the battlefield besides Erwin, Levi's selfish desire to save Erwin over Armin only grew. Levi didn't know how he would survive losing both his best friend and Anfisa in one fell swoop. But as he looked at Armin's burnt corpse, he knew he had to be as selfless as Anfisa had been in her final moments. He had to give Erwin a chance to finally rest from being the devil that Levi had helped him become. He had to save Armin, who still had so much left to live for, a whole world to discover. Levi didn't think Anfisa would ever forgive him if Armin died without finding out if The Sea had been real after all. If Anfisa couldn't be there to witness the mysteries of the world beyond the walls, Levi knew Anfisa would of wanted Armin to be able to live out their dreams.</p><p>"I'm so sorry, Anfisa. You gave me a life I didn't deserve." Levi spoke to himself as he sat at the edge of the wall, a defeated, tired expression on his face as he hung his legs off the side of the wall. He tugged at the ring around his neck, the only proof that the love that had grown, bloomed, and rooted itself deep in Levi's heart over the course of the past five years had indeed been real. It would of been easier if it had all been a dream, something Levi made up in his head to distract himself from the horrors of the real world.</p><p>A gentle breeze picked up as he watched the sunset in the distance. As Levi looked down at the walls that had confined his entire life, Shiganshina lay in ruins as Scouts recovered as many bodies as they could in order to give the families of the fallen even the slightest comfort.</p><p> "Captain Levi! Look, there!" Mikasa who had stayed back to keep Armin company pointed at a figure walking towards the gates from a distance. "A survivor!" She exclaimed in shock.</p><p> Before Levi could even process what he was doing, he had already jumped off the wall, propelling himself towards the ground towards the figure with the little air he had left in his tanks. He knew it was stupid, but nevertheless he refused to give up on the possibility that Anfisa had survived. </p><p> As he landed at the base of the gate where the other Scouts stood, the figure collapsed, Jean barely catching it before it touched the ground. </p><p> "It's...It's Anfisa!" Jean exclaimed, his eyes wide with both shock and relief. "She's badly injured, her...her head..." Jean's voice trailed as his expression darkened in horror as he took in her grave head injuries. </p><p> "Let me take a look," Hange pushed past through the small crowd that had gathered. "Levi! come help me. Hold her head up while I examine the injuries." </p><p> At first, Levi was paralyzed in place, his jaw dropping slightly as his eyes grew wide in disbelief. Levi had thought he had lost Anfisa, and yet she was. Anfisa had looked death in the eyes and refused it.</p><p> Without a word, Levi rushed to Anfisa's side. Levi had never been afraid of blood, but as he kept Anfisa's head elevated, he couldn't help but look away as her warm blood stained his hands and clothing. This wasn't the blood of a titan, blood that left Levi feeling disgusted. This wasn't his own blood, a sign of his own mortality. This was the blood of his loved one, a reminder that every second that passed may of been Anfisa's last one.</p><p> "Levi, do you hear me? Help me bandage her head." Hange ordered, their voice filled with urgency. "Listen to me. She is strong. She can survive this. We just need to stop the bleeding long enough to get her to a real doctor." Hange spoke more calmly this time, grasping at Levi's hands as their eyes grew wide with determination.</p><p> "I refuse to lose her. Not for you, but for me. Now help me, Levi." Hange had already lost too many that day with the deaths of Moblit, the rest of her squad, and their Commander. Hange refused to watch the light leave the eyes of another friend.</p><p> Levi nodded at his new Commander's command, still yet to breathe a single word. Finally, reality came crashing down as Levi snapped out of his trance.</p><p> "Jean! Ready a cart and horses! Sasha and Connie! Ride ahead and find a doctor. Eren! get Armin on his feet. We leave immediately!" Levi commanded, no longer afraid to speak. </p><p> As Hange and Levi bandaged up the wounds, Levi squeezed Anfisa's hands, desperate to keep them warm as her pulse slowed.</p><p> "Keep fighting, Anfisa. Don't back down from this fight." Levi spoke fiercely. </p><p>  The gods were cruel to have made Levi believe the love of his life was gone forever. Now, Levi was determined to make sure the gods regretted playing tricks on him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. The Unknown</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> Anifisa was frozen in place, paralyzed as she watched Lydia be snatched out of air by the titan. Anfisa screamed and screamed, but no sound came out. She tried to run, but it was like she had relinquished control of her body completely to some cruel force unknown to mankind. She couldn't move, speak, or even cry- all she could do was watch as the titan devoured her sister, nothing but her arm falling to the ground.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> Lydia's last words would be Anfisa's name. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Anfisa looked down at her hands, bloodied with Lydia's blood. Somehow, Anfisa knew she would never be able to wash her sister's blood from her hands.</em>
</p><p>Anfisa shot up in the bed, gasping and panting for air as cold sweat trickled down her nape and face. </p><p> <em>It was all just a nightmare,</em> Anfisa thought to herself as she tried to catch her breath and slow her racing heart. </p><p> "Anfisa? You're...you're awake!" Anfisa looked over in confusion at the blonde boy who had spoken, a large book in his lap as he sat besides Anfisa's bedside. She couldn't find a name for his face, but his voice....there was something about his voice that struck Anfisa as familiar.</p><p> Before Anfisa could speak a word, the boy was on his feet, running for the door, hollering out words Anfisa couldn't make out as she was quickly overcome with throbbing, sharp pain her head. Anfisa's confusion grew as her surroundings caved in on her. She wasn't in her Garrison barracks, but in a medical cot. As Anfisa's eyes flew to the window, she learned that she wasn't in town, rather a countryside. When Anfisa's  spotted her reflection in the window she couldn't even recognize herself, her face aging years in a matter of days.</p><p> It had been days since Lydia and Anfisa had alerted the gatekeep of the Survey Corps' early arrival, <em>right? </em></p><p>
  <em> Where was Lydia?</em>
</p><p>Finally the boy returned, alongside with Davina and an unfamiliar raven-haired man dressed in a Survey Corp uniform. </p><p> "Davina? What kind of trouble did we get into last night?" Anfisa groaned, her voice raspy as she squeezed her eyes shut, the pain in her head growing more unbearable by the second. "What happened to me? My head is fucking killing me. Have you seen Lydia, by the way?"</p><p>When Anfisa opened her eyes again, the two strangers and Davina all shared an expression of horror, wide eyed and slack jawed.</p><p> "Anfisa...Do you remember me?" The raven haired man spoke, fear in his eyes as he struggled over his words. Levi was rarely lost for words, but the day had came when it seemed like he may no longer have any fight left in him.</p><p> As Anfisa looked up at the undeniably handsome man, she was unsure where she had seen him before. There was something about his face she recognized, a tugging at her brain she couldn't ignore. But beyond that, it was the same like with the blonde boy earlier. Anfisa couldn't recall where she had seen that face before despite the sense of familiarity she felt when their gaze met.</p><p>"Sorry, have we met before?" </p>
<hr/><p>Anfisa had been asleep for two weeks, or that's what she was told anyways. These days, Anfisa didn't know what or who to believe anymore. She certainly couldn't trust in herself or her even her own mind, making herself her own biggest enemy.</p><p> "Wall Maria fell five years ago. That's when...when Lydia died." Davina spoke softly as she squeezed Anfisa's hand at her bedside. Anfisa had a blank expression on her face as she stared at the edge of her bed, unwilling to make eye contact with the only person she had come across in the Survey Corp barracks that she recognized. </p><p>  "So it wasn't just a nightmare..." Anfisa's whole body shook with fear as sobs built in her chest. Five years. Anfisa couldn't remember five years of her life, her new friends, or her new life in the Survey Corp.</p><p>Anfisa wanted to laugh at the whole situation. It felt like fate was toying with her, twisting her mind and stealing her memories for its own sick amusement. </p><p> "After the head trauma you suffered, it's normal not to remember everything at first. With time, you'll begin to remember what happened within the past couple of years." The one called Commander Hange spoke as they tried to mask their worried expression.</p><p> Usually, Hange would be jumping at the opportunity to study and research a medical or scientific phenomena. Now, as her friend was in a constant state of loss and confusion, Hange couldn't find it in themselves to feel anything but a hollowing sense of despair. Hange had only been Commander of the Survey Corp for a mere few weeks, and they already wished this was a burden Erwin would of trusted someone else to carry. </p><p>Anfisa could tell that she shouldn't of survived what she did. And yet, here she was, alive in flesh, but dead in soul. </p><p> "...But there's a chance I won't remember everything? Or anything, for that matter?" Anfisa's voice was barely a whisper as her eyes landed on the stranger sitting in the corner, his gaze to the floor.</p><p>  No one responded.</p><p> In one quick motion, the man who had introduced himself as Captain Levi shot up to his feet and out of the room without a single word. After losing Erwin, this was entirely too much for him to bare witness to. </p><p> Levi couldn't stand Anfisa looking at him like he was a stranger for another second. His title as Humanity's Strongest Solider had become a shackle, weighing him down with the constant reminder that he had outlived all of his loved ones, and there was nothing he could do to protect them. </p><p> "Levi! Excuse me! I'll be right back!" Hange stammered as they followed Levi into the hallway. As the door shut behind them, everything was quiet. Finally, Anfisa heard distant muffled sobs from down the hall.</p><p> "That man...he cares for me, right Davina? Or am I mistaken?" Anfisa spoke, confused at the crack in the stoic man's armor. </p><p>  When Anfisa's eyes met the heavy gaze of her friend, Davina didn't have to speak to confirm Anfisa's suspicions. Anfisa felt as if she had been caught in the grasp of a titan, the ability to breathe freely stolen for her. </p>
<hr/><p>  When Levi made it to his own room, he wanted to yell, make something, anything, hurt the way he did.</p><p> As he walked over to his desk, his eyes landing on paperwork with Erwin's familiar handwriting. Levi couldn't uphold his composure anymore. With a yell, he hit the stack of paperwork from his desk, paper flying through the air as he smashed his fist down to the desk. Levi's entire body was shaking with rage and torment, no longer the cold, unfeeling solider the world had painted him to be.</p><p> "To hell with this! You always had to have it your way, huh Erwin? You insisted on going on the mission even at the risk of dying! I could see through your act. It had nothing to do with humanity, you would risk anyone to find out what was in that damn cellar. You're selfish for dying, selfish for making me have to choose!" Levi yelled out, pausing to catch his breath.</p><p> Levi didn't care if anyone heard him yelling. He needed Erwin to hear him, wherever he was. He needed Erwin to know his death had been mutilating for Levi, like a deep cut that would never heal.</p><p> "Well tell me Erwin, what the hell am I supposed to do now that you're gone? Now that Anfisa doesn't even know who I am? Dedicate my heart and keep fighting for humanity? Fuck that. Humanity has done nothing for me in return." he spit out bitterly at the ghosts that haunted him, tears now freely streamed down his face.</p><p> Levi fell to the floor, his back against his desk. He hadn't cried like this since the death of his mother, and he hadn't felt a rage like this since the death of Furlan and Isabel. Levi had lost everyone that he loved, and he was exhausted.</p><p> Levi subconsciously fiddled with the ring around his neck in the same manner he had witnessed Anfisa do so many times prior. It was ironic, really. She had gifted it to him as as a way to remember her, and yet he was the one who had been forgotten. </p><p> When Levi realized what he was doing, he dropped his hand quickly and reached for a drawer in his desk, pulling out an unfinished bottle of whiskey left behind by Anfisa. </p><p><strong> <em>"</em> </strong> <em>Why the hell is there a bottle of whiskey on my desk...?" Levi questioned as he looked up from his paperwork at Anfisa who had been pestering him all night into the early morning. Her eyes lit up when she finally had caught his attention. </em></p><p>
  <em> "What? You're saying now that I'm your Vice Captain you and I can't have a little fun? Come on Levi, you've been doing nothing but paperwork all day and night. Take a break!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>  A mischievous grin grew across Anfisa's face. Even when she refused to do to do her own work, Levi couldn't find it in himself to be mad at her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Tch. I should of picked a less irritating Vice Captain. Come here, brat."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>  Anfisa laughed as he stood up and pulled her down onto the small couch in his office, kissing her softly on the forehead as he played with her hair. The small furnace in the corner of his room illuminated the room in soft golden light, keeping their bodies warm as snow fell to the ground outside. Suddenly Anfisa sat up, the whiskey bottle from earlier in hand. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Cheers." Anfisa spoke as she shuddered after a long bitter swig, handing the bottle to Levi. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What are we celebrating?" Levi spoke as a small smile grew on his face. Levi` would usually be annoyed at anyone who distracted him from his work, but without Anfisa Levi would never take even a second of rest. While Levi would never admit it out loud to anyone, he needed this, and he needed Anfisa even more.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Don't play that game with me! You thought I would forget about your birthday just because you locked yourself up in your office all day? Levi, you wound me." Anfisa joked, her eyes growing wide in mock disbelief.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Anfisa-"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>  "Oh, shut up. I don't want to hear it. Here, I got you something." Anfisa handed Levi a small wooden box, no larger than her palm- and yet, it felt tremendously heavy in her hand. Anfisa felt her heart beat faster, the proposition on her lips aching to be said despite the anxiety it gave her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> This gift was more than just a wooden box, but a promise for a future together. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Levi was speechless as he traced his thumb over the box latch. It had been years since anyone had given him a gift, much less one for his birthday. Finally, he broke his silence.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>  "Anfisa I can't accept this."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>  "You can't say that if you don't even know what it is! Open it." She commanded, her voice growing annoyed. Despite this, her eyes were still full of love and amusement. Anfisa wanted nothing more than she wanted to make up for all of Levi's forgotten birthdays from years past. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Levi's surprise morphed into confusion as he opened the lid, nothing but a brass key in the box.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> "A key? Don't tell me you have some cellar I should be worried about."</em>
</p><p>
  <em> Anfisa rolled her eyes. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Very funny. Its a key to my grandfather's old book store that's underneath my family home. No one has used it in years, and  the house has been empty ever since grandmother died, so I figured once this is all over you could use it. For your tea shop, I mean. That is, if that's still a dream of yours," Anfisa spoke, her cheeks growing red as she blushed deeply. "...And live in the upstairs. with me."</em>
</p><p>
  <em> When Levi didn't respond, Anfisa couldn't control the words coming out of her mouth as she grew more nervous at her proposal.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Of course it would need a lot of work and renovation and I totally understand if that's not a burden you want. It was silly really. I just thought-"</em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Are you asking me to move in with you, Anfisa?" a small smile grew on Levi's face as he teased her. Anfisa would rarely fluster, especially never in front of others. Only in her most vulnerable moments could the mere presence of Levi make her crack like this. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "I don't plan on living in these barracks forever, and you're the only family I have left-"  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Anfisa was cut off as Levi silenced her with a kiss. Anfisa kissed him back, more deeply this time. Suddenly Anfisa pulled back quickly, confused by the whole interaction.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Is that a yes?" she held her breath subconsciously as she waited for his answer. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>  "It's better than going back to the Underground." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>  "You're an asshole, you know that right?" Anfisa exclaimed, but the humor in her eyes deceived her as relief washed over her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>  "Thank you, Anfisa. I mean it. We should visit it soon, whenever we have a chance. I'd love to see it." Levi spoke more seriously this time, holding Anfisa's eye contact. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Levi found himself mesmerized by her radiant green eyes that had come to remind him of everything beautiful in the world. He knew that home was no longer a place, but it was Anfisa's herself. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Happy birthday, Levi Ackerman." Anfisa smiled brightly, finally able to breath freely again. She leaned in, kissing Levi. She felt safe in his arms, and she felt even more safe knowing they would share their future together.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> Levi had met people who could ignite his fire, but Anfisa was the first who kept those embers alive. </em>
</p><p>When Levi looked at his reflection in the golden glass of the bottle, he wished the broken man who looked back at him was a stranger. Instead, it was the man Levi had always been, no matter how hard he tried to mask it with tough words and actions. He wasn't sure what his future held now that Anfisa was no longer his, his dreams of opening a tea shop with her now just a naïve dream.</p><p>" I'm an idiot for thinking I deserved a happy ending." Levi spoke out loud to himself bitterly, aggressively wipping away the hot tears from his face.</p><p> "Levi?" Hange spoke gently as they stepped into the office without knocking.</p><p> Paper was scattered across the floor and piles of books were knocked over in a state of disarray, a far cry from Levi's usual spotless environment he upheld with pride. The last time Hange had seen Levi like this was after he joined the Survey Corp, determined to make Erwin's life a living hell for forcing him and his friends to join against their will. </p><p> "Fuck off."</p><p> "You're crying."</p><p> "You're a damn genius, four-eyes."</p><p> Instead of finding offense in his sharp words, Hange stayed, sitting beside their friend on the floor. He reeked of whiskey, but Hange didn't mind, nor could they blame him.</p><p> "I'm sorry, Levi." Hange's spoke quietly. Together, the pair had lived through hell and lost everyone they loved. They were a tragic pair of friends, but despite this at least they had each other to lean on. That was the only comfort Hange could find.</p><p>  With those three simple words, Levi was crying again as Hange wrapped their arms around him, Levi's body shaking in Hange's embrace. Levi had never let Hange touch him like this, much less ever see him cry before. At first, Hange was shocked- Levi was never willing to show such vulnerability or weakness to anyone, including his friend. </p><p> "Sorry," Levi muttered as he sat up, refusing to look Hange in the eye.</p><p> "Don't apologize. Pass me the bottle," Hange spoke. All Hange wanted was to feel nothing at all, enticed by the promise of numbness the whisky would bring. </p><p>  They sat there for what felt like hours, passing the bottle of whiskey between themselves until not even a drop was left. Levi's mind was foggy in a way he usually hated, but this time he didn't care.  He didn't care that he was no longer in control of his body or mind, he would gladly relinquish that control just to have a moment of peace. </p><p> "Look at me, less than a month as commander and I'm already a drunk," Hange chuckled despite the pain written in the features of their face. "Moblit would be livid right about now. He'd probably tell me to get my shit together. We all knew he was always our heaviest drinker, though. That's my fault as well I guess." Hange swallowed back their tears as the terrible words that Hange couldn't stop thinking about were finally admitted out loud.</p><p> "His death isn't your fault." Levi spoke as he finally allowed his gaze to meet Hange's. Hange was hurting the same way he was, and the alcohol coursing through his veins let him show Hange that pain without fear or guilt.</p><p> "Moblit died saving me! The last thing I saw with both of my eyes was him die! I was his Section Commander, and he died on my watch like so many others. I failed him, I failed all of them." Hange snapped at Levi, spitting out the guilt-fed words that had been consuming Hange ever since returning from Shiganshina. </p><p> "Anfisa was willing to ride in the vanguard with Erwin so that that fucking monkey would be distracted and I would survive." Levi replied, the tragedy of both their loves dawning on him. </p><p> "What did we do to deserve them?" Hange spoke, laughing as she choked back her tears. </p><p> "Hell if I know." </p><p> They sat in silence neither sure of what to say. Finally, Hange broke the heavy silence.</p><p> "How are we going to continue without Erwin? Now that we have more enemies than ever before?" Hange's voice was quiet as they rubbed their temples with a deep, heavy sigh. </p><p>  Levi had never seen Hange like this before, their usual energetic composure gone. Granted, neither of them felt this hopeless in their lives before despite everything both of them had faced in the past. In truth, Hange had always been there for Levi. When Levi joined the Scouts and everyone would see him as nothing more than a criminal, Hange had instead been fascinated by the strange man. Hange was fascinated by the way he managed to master ODM gear on his own in the Underground, and Hange felt as if Levi was a mystery she had to crack. Now, Hange saw Levi for exactly who he was. Despite this, Hange didn't view Levi as weak. </p><p> "Keep fighting. Kill every bastard who put us in this position and make sure Erwin's death wasn't in vain. He didn't die for us to fall apart." Levi spoke, his usual stoic expression back despite his red eyes and tear stained face. </p><p> Hange nodded slowly. Now, they cried their own tears.</p><p> "I'll be a better Commander tomorrow. We'll make them pay, Levi. I promise."</p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong>Six Months After The Return to Shiganshina </strong>
</p><p>"Captain Levi?" Mind having a word?"</p><p>  Levi turned around to face the voice that had spoken to him at the recent military summit discussing the plan of action for the Survey Corp's upcoming mission beyond the wall. He already disliked these events as is without Anfisa or Erwin to keep him sane as the MPs continued to try to undermine the Scouts, even in times like this. When Levi's eyes met Davina's, his composure softened just a little. They had grown friendly in the time she had stayed in the barracks while Anfisa recovered, earning his respect as Davina did everything in her power to help her friend.</p><p> "Yes?"</p><p> "Before you leave to go back to the Scouts' HQ, mind having a cup of tea with me? I think I found something that may help Anfisa."</p><p>  Levi felt his heartbeat grow faster at just the thought. Even now months later, he still held onto the shed of a dream that Anfisa's love for him still existed. </p><p> Levi sat across from Davina in her office as Davina set down a cup of steaming black tea in front of him.</p><p> "She always mentioned it was your favorite." Davina spoke softly, looking down at her hands as they rested on top of the desk. </p><p> "What did you want to speak about?" Levi spoke, his voice filled with a boredom that Davina found unnerving. </p><p> Davina cleared her throat, pulling out a stack of letters from her desk. </p><p> "Anfisa wrote these to me over the past couple of years. I wanted to bring them to you earlier, but the doctors warned me that too much at once could be overwhelming, and then with everything happening in preparation to reach Marley...anyways I haven't been able to visit her in a while and I think these could help her remember. Remember you, even." Davina finished, taking a sip from her tea. </p><p> Levi sat silently, reaching a hand out for the thick stack of papers, worn from age.</p><p> "Thank you, Captain Davina. I'll make sure to deliver them to her."</p><p>  As Levi stood up to leave, Davina stopped him.</p><p>  "My fiancé died in Shiganshina. I begged her to stay in the Garrison, not to transfer as a last minute recruit. She argued it was her home once, she had to see it through. We were supposed to be married finally a few weeks from today. When I found out Anfisa had survived- well, she's the only family I have left now. After losing both Lydia and my fiancé, I don't ever want Anfisa to have to live with the same loneliness. Captain Levi, I understand none of this can be easy for you either especially after losing nearly the entire Survey Corp, but Anfisa is still alive. If what she said in those letters is true..."</p><p> Levi paused, his hand on the door handle.</p><p> "I know you have never been too fond of my advise, but please don't give up on her." Davina concluded. Davina had lost both women she had grown to love. She refused to see Anfisa suffer through the same, loveless life. </p><p> Levi turned around, giving Davina a small nod. While his expression was hard to read, they had nonetheless come to an understanding. Levi wasn't sure if Anfisa would ever remember him or the future she had dreamed for them, but if Levi was going to keep fighting, he needed a cause to believe in once he fulfilled his final promise to Erwin. 

</p>
<p> Levi had promised to love Anfisa, and he was a man of his word. No tragedy could steal his convictions from him. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello! I've always wanted to see how Levi and Hange handled Erwin's death in the aftermath of everything, so I was super excited to write this chapter! </p><p>Also! I have 2 more chapters planned for this book, but I have a few drafts for a part two that exclusively take place in season 4. I'm not sure if I'll start publishing that as soon as I finish book 1, or if I'm going to wait until at least all of part 1 of season 4 is out in order to not spoil anything for anyone as a manga reader.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Graveyards</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p> For the first few months of her recovery, Davina refused to leave Anfisa's side. Anfisa had come to learn that Davina's story was one written with the ink of tragedy, her fiancé dying in the same shower of shards that had stolen Anfisa's memories. The pair mourned together as Anfisa relived the horrors of Lydia's death all over again. Now, her visits grew more scarce; nonetheless, Davina intended to find time to be by Anfisa's side, determined to help her in anyway she could. Davina found comfort in those visits herself- after all, Anfisa and Davina bled the same way. The grief was easier to shoulder this way. </p>
<p> Davina hadn't been the only one to visit Anfisa. When Anfisa was still bed-bound, Hange would often visit in order to keep Anfisa up to date on military matters. At first, it was awkward for the both of them. Hange didn't know what to say to one of the few living friends they had left, and Anfisa could hardly remember that friendship to begin with. With time however, they began to rekindle that ember, warming up to one another again as Anfisa's memories came back bit by bit.</p>
<p> Armin spent many of those early days by Anfisa's side, reading her books, retelling her stories, and reminding Anfisa of the past. With Anfisa back on her feet again, she would find Armin in the mess hall, under a tree, or in the small library within the barracks, huddled over large, worn books. When he wasn't busy with military matters, Armin was determined to learn as much as he could from those books on the outside world. Although there was little information on the outside world left within the walls, Armin was determined to be as prepared as possible for what was to come to make sure Captain Levi didn't save his life for nothing.</p>
<p> Perhaps that's why Armin enjoyed Anfisa's company despite hardly remembering their time together. He was tired of the way MPs, Flock, and other members of the military and government looked at him like he was a mistake, not even bothering to make sure he was at least out of earshot as they condemned his survival among one another. Armin couldn't blame them. He knew it should of been Commander Erwin that Captain Levi had saved instead, and Armin still didn't understand why Captain Levi did what he did. Anfisa on the other hand, never looked at Armin like he was a mistake, nor did she look at him with pity that Armin had grown tired of seeing in the eyes of his friends. </p>
<p> Even the other Scouts would keep Anfisa company from time to time. Sasha, Connie, and Jean would share meals with Anfisa, Mikasa would keep Anfisa informed on how training sessions with the new Scout recruits would go, eventually joining Anfisa as she healed and picked up her old training schedule. Even Queen Historia would write to her on occasion, bidding her a quick recovery along with drawings and letters from the orphans that Anfisa had grown close to during her time at the Queen's orphanage. </p>
<p> However, Levi rarely visited, if only to fill her in on military matters and official reports. Anfisa could tell those rare visits pained him. She couldn't blame him for avoiding her.</p>
<p> "You still have the drawing?" Davina asked one day, her eyes widening in surprise as she lifted up a crumpled sheet of paper from Anfisa's desk while Anfisa sat on her window sill, looking out into the fields beyond the glass pane.</p>
<p> Davina gently traced her finger over the worn and smeared charcoal. It seemed as if Davina grew more youthful, suddenly transforming back into the naïve girl she had once been all those years ago as she stared into the drawing of her former lover, Lydia smiling back up at her. </p>
<p> "She was beautiful. She was everything I could only wish to be and more," Anfisa spoke quietly, her eyes on the birds flying across the sky. "I can't help but feel like it should of been me that day." </p>
<p> Anfisa's last few words came out more quietly, barely a whisper intended for no one but for herself as she was lost in both her mind and in the world around her. </p>
<p> Davina sighed, placing the drawing back down on the small table in the corner of Anfisa's room. It pained her that there was so little she could do to bring Anfisa some semblance of comfort. At first, when Anfisa transferred, her old friends and Davina thought she was insane for turning herself into cannon fodder for the Survey Corp. And yet as Davina looked at Anfisa, Davina couldn't help but feel as if Anfisa was the only one who did what the rest of them didn't have the courage to do when picking their regiments. </p>
<p> "Don't say that. Lydia wouldn't want to hear you speaking like that."</p>
<p>  Anfisa didn't respond. Instead, she continued to stare out her window in silence, her eyes on a  familiar trail into the woods in the distance.</p>
<p> "Have you read the letters yet?" Davina spoke again, concern written on her features as she sat down on the chair next to Anfisa. </p>
<p>  "It's been weeks since you had Captain Levi give me those."</p>
<p>  "That's not an answer."</p>
<p>  "I did." Anfisa answered simply. </p>
<p>  "Did...did it help?"</p>
<p>  " I don't know. I recognize my handwriting, so everything I wrote in those letters was true, but..." Anfisa paused, unsure of what to say. "Is it possible to love someone a second time?" Anfisa finally tore her eyes from the outside world, searching for the truth in her friend.</p>
<p>   "I don't know. I didn't think it would be possible for me to fall in love again after Lydia died. Lydia always will be my soulmate. But, one day I realized it's too painful to live in this world without someone to call your own. I don't think I'll ever be able to find someone again, and I've come to terms with that. But you still can." Davina grasped Anfisa's forearm, her brows furrowing as Davina spoke to the only family she had left.</p>
<p> Anfisa nodded silently, contemplating her friend's confession. Anfisa was still unsure of what she thought- if this world was as cruel as everyone kept reminding her, then perhaps it was meant to be loveless. It would be simpler that way, at the very least.</p>
<p> "I miss her." Anfisa's voice cracked as she swallowed.</p>
<p>  "I know. I do too." Davina spoke, putting on her best show of bravery to mask the turmoil brewing underneath.</p>
<p>  Anfisa had spent the past couple of months believing she was insane, her memories wiped as if she was as clueless as a mindless titan. Each moment she spent awake felt like a fever dream, and each moment of sleep was a nightmare as her mind wandered to the darkest corners of her past. She had spent her time drifting from day to day, each like the last. Despite this, it wasn't getting easier. If anything, hope was becoming harder and harder to come across.</p>
<p> Eventually, Davina got back to her feet.</p>
<p> "I should be going back to the Capital. I have a meeting with Pyxis coming up I have to prepare for. " Davina spoke, straightening out the wrinkles from her clothing as she gave Anfisa a reassuring smile as she squeezed her shoulder. </p>
<p> "When will I see you again?"</p>
<p>  "I don't know. Soon, hopefully. But remember, you can always write to me if you need anything."</p>
<p>  I know. Thank you." Anfisa nodded, feigning a smile that felt foreign on her lips. It had been months since she genuinely laughed or smiled.</p>
<p> Anfisa watched out her window as Davina mounted her horse, shooting Anfisa one final look before riding off into the distance, growing smaller and smaller by the second. Once she was no longer in sight, Anfisa reached for her dresser drawer, pulling out the worn sheets of the letters. She had read them countless times, and yet each time the letters left Anfisa even more confused than when she had first woken up.</p>
<p>  She recognized her own penmanship, always too messy for her Grandmother's liking. It was unbecoming of a young lady, she would always say. And yet the smudged pen strokes and ink splatters were the only part of those letters that felt familiar. She wrote to Davina of her adventures, a short memoir of her time in the Survey Corp paired with promises of surviving whatever was thrown their way. The letters had been rare, far and few in between as it became more difficult to find time to write and even more difficult to have the letters delivered, especially in the past year. Nonetheless, Anfisa had found time to write about Captain Levi to her friend. If what Anfisa wrote in the letters was true, there was no doubt what she had with the mysterious man had been real.</p>
<p> In truth, Anfisa didn't know if she wanted to remember what had transpired between the two of them in the dark halls of the Survey Corp barracks. If the past five years were as painful as everyone had told her, why would she want to relive that nightmare? Anfisa could live in ignorant bliss, maybe even find peace for the first time in five years. She could leave the Survey Corp, restart her life as she knew it, shed away the years and become anew again. If there was anything Anfisa seemed to be good at, it was running away when things became difficult. It seemed to be the reason she had transferred in the first place, after all. Even now, Anfisa knew it had never been about humanity. </p>
<p> Loud chatter passed by Anfisa's door, bringing her back to reality. She blinked, then with a shaky hand placed the letters back into the drawer. The sun had began to sink into darkness, and Anfisa could no longer stand being alone with her thoughts. </p>
<p> Anfisa stepped into the early night as the sun grew weaker, her feet carrying her to the familiar path she had spied from her window while speaking to Davina. As her feet carried her, she knew her past life had done the same. It was finally warm enough to swim, and Anfisa was determined to escape the stuffy, suffocating barracks. </p>
<p> As she reached the river bank, she quickly stripped away her clothes and discarded them to the side, her reflection breaking as she dived into the water, sinking to the bottom of the river and landing in the soft, cool mud beneath.</p>
<p> She wanted nothing more but to stay down in those depths forever, free of the pressure to remember, free of military conferences about the outside world that was even more perplexing than the one in the walls, and free of the exhaustion of existing. </p>
<p> Finally, she surfaced from the water and dried herself off on the banks of the river. As she got dressed, her eyes landed on an ash stained rock, the faint name 'Nanaba' carved into it with a knife illuminated by the moonlight from above.</p>
<p> "Nanaba..." Anfisa whispered to herself. The name felt familiar on her tongue and lips. She had heard that name in the barracks, seen it written by her own hand in her letters to Davina. It was one of the many names that would visit her in her sleep, crawl into her mind while she was eating, and stop her in her place as she trained. Something about that name demanded to be spoken, demanded to be heard.</p>
<p>
  <em> "You would rather befriend fish than any of the Scouts, huh?" </em>
</p>
<p> Anfisa blinked, her eyes growing wide in recognition as memories flooded her mind. Nanaba's laughter, teasing, and her sacrifice that saved Anfisa and the new recruits' lives replayed right before her eyes. </p>
<p>
  <em> "...you have to keep going, keep fighting so the sacrifice of the one's we lose are not in vain."</em>
</p>
<p> In that moment, Anfisa decided she wanted to remember. She refused to let the memories of her friends die in vain. Their lives would not go unsung. </p>
<hr/>
<p>  Levi was still haunted by the sound of Erwin's rattling bones the  day he had brought them to this tree, covering them deep underground with the fresh soil of the earth they had trained on side by side for years. Erwin, like many others, never got a proper burial. All names would be forgotten one day, but Levi would never forget his.</p>
<p>  Levi sat alone, under the tree where he buried what remained of Erwin at the edge of the Scout regiment's barracks. Here, the trees grew thicker and the air was cooler, no longer in the direct view of the sun. His grave stood alone, his name carved onto the tombstone Levi had spent nearly most of his savings to buy. You would think that the Commander would be worthy of a budget splurge, anything to remind the people of the Walls all the great deeds of Erwin Smith, 13th Commander of the Survey Corp. Levi figured if he had asked Historia for money worth the memory she would of followed through gladly. However, this was something Levi wanted to do on his own. Erwin didn't need his grave turned into a monument, his likeness turned into some overbearing, cold statue. No, Erwin would of wanted something simple. This, at the very least, was what Levi had come to believe. While he had yet to follow through on his final promise to his friend, the very least he could do was provide Erwin with the peace of a final resting place on familiar soil, near the Scout barracks Erwin had come to recognize as a home. </p>
<p><em> Erwin Smith</em>, the tombstone read, dimly illuminated by the rising moon above as the sun began to fade from the sky, barely a whisper of its existence still painting the sky orange as it set. <em>13th Commander of the Survey Corp</em>. </p>
<p>  "It's been a while, Erwin." Levi's voice came out calmly and quietly. "Not much has changed since my last visit. The MP's are still a pain in my ass. The new recruits aren't terrible, but they're still brats like the rest of them. Hange's doing better. They're not you, but you made the right decision choosing them to be the next Commander. It suits them. " Levi slumped down to the ground, crossing his legs as he sat before the tombstone. "...And Anfisa...well. Nothing's changed." Levi's voice trailed as he did his best to disguise his hurt. He knew it was futile, talking to the dead. Even now with Erwin's bones hidden underneath the soil Levi refused to show his weaknesses the best he could.</p>
<p> This was the closest Levi would ever get to having a conversation with his dearest friend again, a truth he had only begun to come to terms with. At first, it pained him, and most days it still did. As time passed however, the pain transformed too. Now, it was like a deep, dull throbbing that would never truly heal, a constant reminder of what Levi had lost, what the world had lost. It was a pain that was in the back of his head, always there, more present on some days than others. </p>
<p> This was the curse of his final promise to Erwin. In Levi's mind, Erwin would never truly know peace until Levi completed that damn promise. In truth, Levi craved it. He craved the day he would be able to kill the Beast Titan, make the shifter feel the same pain he felt the day he stole Erwin's life, the lives of nearly 200 Scouts, and the memories from the one he loved most.</p>
<p> They said time would heal all wounds. Levi thought it was a lie, the very notion was utter bullshit. Some wounds would never heal, and Levi was no stranger to this vial truth. Levi had lived, and time had yet to do him any favors, or give him the slightest moment of respite. If anything, in their years together Anfisa had taught Levi that despite the wounds he carried he didn't need to be healed. He had found the power to love despite the hurt. Now, Levi could only pray that Anfisa would be able to do the same. </p>
<p> No, Levi would never know peace, not until he avenged Erwin and every life lost. Levi had to continue to be the Levi that the 104th Training Corp had come to call Captain. Faltering would mean failing Erwin and everyone Levi had ever lost. </p>
<p> Anfisa crept quietly through the trees as she made her way back towards the barracks, her eyes landing on a shadow she had grown used to seeing at the edge of the woods. Most days, she could see Captain Levi here from her window. She could never make out the words he was saying to seemingly no one but himself as she studied his face, urging her brain to remember the way she had grown fond of his sharp features, his stormy eyes. Despite this, she grew to recognize what those words meant. Often times she herself found herself talking to ghosts, apologizing for ever forgetting their names and making new promises to always remember. </p>
<p> "It's getting cold, Captain. You should get some rest." Anfisa's voice snapped Levi out of his thoughts, his eyes landing on her unreadable expression as her hands wrung water out of her hair, water dripping to the ground beneath her as it soaked through her clothing in a familiar scene. In that moment, it was almost as if Levi could pretend nothing had happened within the past year, and that they were the same Levi and Anfisa from all those years prior before the 104th Training Corp graduated. It was an enticing lie, but nothing more.</p>
<p> "You went to the river." Levi stated with a knowing expression, avoiding her statement completely. </p>
<p> Anfisa cleared her throat awkwardly as she searched for the words to say to the stranger from her past before her. "I don't mean to interrupt-"</p>
<p>"You're not interrupting. Sit." Levi spoke commanded. Despite the order from her superior, the words didn't sound like a command at all to Anfisa, rather an invite. Hesitantly, she obliged. </p>
<p>  Captain Levi had been the hardest puzzle of all for Anfisa. She remembered how her sister called him handsome when she and Lydia informed the gatekeep that the Survey Corp had returned from their mission years prior. She remembered bits and pieces, moments from conversations and stolen glances she would see in her dreams. She knew this man loved her with every fiber of his being, but Anfisa couldn't remember what that love felt like in return. The doctors had told her this was normal considering the head trauma she suffered- even if she didn't remember everyone, she could still rebuild those bonds with time that had been gifted to her when he life was spared by some unknown force where so many others were not given a second lease on life. Anfisa however, refused to agree with this. It hurt her, just looking at Levi. The moments she could remember felt like daggers to her chest, pieces of a puzzle that spelled out nothing but immense heartache. </p>
<p>  Nonetheless, Anfisa was determined to overcome the pain, or at the very least figure out if it was possible to love someone she had almost completely forgotten. </p>
<p>  Anfisa sat a safe distance away from her Captain, crossing her legs as her fingers subconsciously plucked strands of soft grass from the cool earth beneath her. It felt surprisingly easy, natural even. Most days, this close proximity to this strange man made it harder to breath, harder to relax as her mind raced at unimaginable speed. Now, as they sat in front of the tombstone of the man that altered the courses of both their lives, Anfisa didn't know whether she was yearning to remember for the sake of no longer feeling lost in her own mind, or if that yearning was the same love she had for Captain Levi for so many years. </p>
<p> "When I was reading the letters that I wrote to Davina, I remembered something. The events that caused me to transfer at the bar. Commander Erwin, he was the one who gave me the option, correct?"</p>
<p> Levi felt his chest twist at just the mention of Erwin's name. His eyes drifted to the tombstone in front of him, Anfisa doing the same. </p>
<p> "Yes. Erwin believed your skills were wasted in the Garrison." He said promptly. Nothing was easier than the plain, simple truth.</p>
<p>  Levi's expression was unreadable to Anfisa, his mask of indifference still on, even now. Still, Anfisa could tell his mask was cracking, the fault lines of his façade exposing slivers of the real Levi underneath. He was hurting the same way Anfisa was, and even he was struggling to hide it now. </p>
<p> "When I think about my condition and all the stories I've been told, all the official reports I've read, the things I can now remember... It seems like I spent almost as much time in a medical cot as I did on missions. Hell, I'm surprised I've made it this far. Maybe Erwin was wrong to have me transfer. Seems like I wasn't really cut out to be a Scout." Anfisa spoke nervously at her attempt at a joke, eyes dropping to her feet as she felt the blood rush to her face.</p>
<p>  Levi let out a small laugh for what felt like the first time in months, shutting his eyes momentarily. Suddenly, they were no longer sitting besides Erwin's tombstone, both of their minds back in the bar all those years ago.</p>
<p> "You've always had an annoying tendency with throwing yourself into danger. Your survival instincts are shit, to say the least." Levi looked up, his expression growing soft as a small smile graced his lips that even now he still only reserved for Anfisa.</p>
<p> "Still, I owe you. You-"</p>
<p> "I was willing to die for you." Anfisa cut Levi off, speaking softly as she muttered some of the few words she was certain were true. Anfisa unknowingly reached for her neck, her fingers subconsciously searching for her sister's ring. Suddenly, her eyes grew wide, realization dawning over her.</p>
<p> "The ring. I thought I had lost it on the battlefield. But I gave it to you that day, didn't I? I remember it now." Anfisa spoke, a sense of calmness washing over her as she connected the dots.</p>
<p> "Here," Levi spoke, pulling it out from under his shirt. As he reached to pull it over his head, Anfisa stopped him.</p>
<p> "Don't. If I gave it to you, I must of wanted you to have it."</p>
<p>  "I've had it with me since," Levi's voice were hushed and quick, Anfisa barely hearing him as the breeze picked up, rustling leaves as it shook the trees. Nonetheless, Anfisa was touched. Even as he had become a stranger to her, Levi still insisted on keeping a part of Anfisa near his heart.</p>
<p> "Then keep it. It's rude to give gifts back you know, Captain." </p>
<p>  They sat in comfortable silence, both unsure of what to say. </p>
<p>  "Tell me about him." Anfisa finally spoke again, her voice growing stronger as she nodded towards the tombstone. Anfisa may not of remembered how she loved Levi, but she was certain of one thing. This was a man in pain, and she couldn't bare to watch someone suffer the loss of a loved one, even if they were a stranger. </p>
<p> Levi looked over at her, clearly surprised as they held eye contact for the first time in months. Anfisa felt like she could melt under his intense gaze, his striking eyes seemingly picking her apart, studying her every movement and thought. It was like he could see right through her. Despite this, Anfisa felt like she could see with clear vision again as she held his gaze.</p>
<p> In that moment, Anfisa could let go of all her worries. They were the only two people in the world.</p>
<p> That would become the first night Levi and Anfisa would hold a conversation into the early morning hours in months, both overwhelmed with the thoughts they had yearned to share with one another whether they knew it or not.  Levi told her everything about Erwin, finally letting go of the words he hungered to speak to Anfisa but kept to himself. He told her of how he met Erwin in the Underground, how Erwin gave Levi a reason to keep fighting after the deaths of Isabel and Furlan. He recalled how Erwin insisted on Levi to not give up on Anfisa when she first transferred, how Erwin believed that Anfisa was a reflection of Levi's early days in the Survey Corp. Finally, he told Anfisa of Erwin's final speech in the final moments of his life.</p>
<p> It felt right, showing his vulnerabilities to Anfisa again. He didn't need to pretend not to be broken- she didn't seem to mind if he was.</p>
<p> At first, Anfisa was speechless. Levi had loved and lost so much and yet here he was, still fighting. For him to even be sitting there beside her telling her stories from their past took incredible patience and devotion. He still had love for Anfisa, something that Levi wasn't sure would ever come to pass. As Anfisa listened to him speak, Anfisa was overcome with a desire to comfort him, provide him with some relief as he grieved the death of his beloved friend. </p>
<p> <em>Our friend, </em>She thought to herself. It was Commander Erwin who had given Anfisa a way to escape the death of her sister, gave her the option to keep fighting.</p>
<p> Suddenly Anfisa had found the answer she was looking for, finding the truth in the letters she had written to Davina. She had loved this man once before, and she knew he was all that mattered in that moment. She wasn't sure if this was love or simple human compassion, but Anfisa was determined to ease his pain.</p>
<p> "Everyone always talks about what a great leader he was. Sounded like a pain in the ass at times, but from what I can remember I think I was proud to follow him into battle that day." Anfisa spoke quietly.</p>
<p> "He refused to sit out of the fight. You would of done anything to get to that damn cellar and find out what's out there, right Erwin?" Levi let out a low, pained chuckle. Levi was never one to be sentimental or spiritual, but as he sat near the remains of his friend, he couldn't help but hope Erwin could hear him, wherever he was. </p>
<p> Anfisa contemplated Levi's answer. In a way, it would seem that without Commander Erwin, Anfisa would never of been on that battle field to begin with. She could still be in the Garrison, her mind intact and her old friends by her side. But if what Levi had told her was true, Commander Erwin had saved Anfisa's life as well. Erwin gave Anfisa a chance to fight titans rather than to succumb to the grief that she now felt vividly as Lydia's death became fresh again. Even with amnesia, Anfisa would never be able to forget her sister's scream as she called out to Anfisa before the life was stolen from her eyes.</p>
<p> But the man that many had called a devil wasn't a devil at all. Anfisa felt sure of that.</p>
<p> "A part of me wishes I did die that day. If I was willing to go out into that battle field, that means I would of died on my own terms. It was the fate I chose and I chose it alone. Even if it was a decision I made on the back of Erwin's command to the other soldiers, it was still mine." Anfisa spoke with a firm certainty, her voice ringing clear and steady.</p>
<p> Levi swallowed painfully at her words. He knew he couldn't blame Anfisa's injury on himself, she would be too stubborn to let him. Still, her readiness to sacrifice herself for the survival for others was one that he had always been terrified of, but admired. Even after all these years, he had yet to meet someone who could leave him speechless like she did.</p>
<p> "...But it also means I wasn't scared to die. I remembered more of Nanaba's death today and Utgard Castle. I was set on dying on my own terms that day, too. Anything seemed better than dying at the hands of a titan, even if it met dying by my own hand. I remember I wasn't scared of dying until I saw the faces of the cadets in the knife I intended to take my life with before the titan had a chance to eat me. My purpose for living was to ensure their survival. I suppose now my purpose remains the same." </p>
<p> Anfisa paused before continuing, searching for the words to describe blurry memories. </p>
<p> "If Commander Erwin had me transfer so I could fight for the survival of humanity in the walls, then let me continue to fight. Let me go on the upcoming missions beyond the walls. There's still titans out there, and we have a new enemy. Let me help you kill the man who did this to me." Anfisa spoke fiercely, a familiar fire dancing in her eyes Levi had grown to miss. </p>
<p> "After everything you've been through-"</p>
<p> "I don't care to hear about how cruel it is. Everyone seems to think I should rest, retire and give up my Vice Captain position, find something else to do with my time left. I'm tired of that bullshit. No matter how fucked of a world it is, I want to live in it. I want to fight in it. So let me." Anfisa's said, determination in every word. </p>
<p> Levi cleared his throat before speaking. With the Scouts' numbers dwindling, there was no doubt that yet again the Scouts could use Anfisa's help on the upcoming mission. Selfishly, Levi knew he needed her, as well. </p>
<p> "I'll speak to Hange-"</p>
<p> Before he knew it, Anfisa's eyes lit up as she took his hand into hers squeezing it tightly in her own. Just at that small gesture Levi found it harder to swallow.</p>
<p> "Thank you, Levi. I won't let you down. You have my word."</p>
<p>  Levi blinked, surprised at hearing his name on her lips again without the formalities of his title. </p>
<p> "You can start by going with Hange and I to the military summit tomorrow. Now, go get some rest. That's an order."</p>
<p> Anfisa's lips curled into a small smile. Without another word, she gave Levi a confident smile as a new sense of purpose lit up beneath her. She may not of known everything from her past, but she knew that she had survived for a reason- Anfisa still had a purpose in this cruel world. </p>
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